UNLUCKY SPEECHES
“What a lot of people there were at the Wortleburys’ last week—and yet how dull it was!”
“Yes, dear. But it was much brighter after you left.”
She. “Oh, Mr. Sorney, I am so grateful to you for your thoughtfulness in writing so promptly to tell me of poor Harry’s accident!”
He. “Pray don’t mention it—I was very glad indeed to have the opportunity of doing it!”
Host. “You’ll have a nice drive home!”
Guest. “Yes; that’s the best of it!”
Horrible position of little Biffin, who proposes a new round game. But when he has to explain, he finds he cannot recollect anything at all about it!
RATHER DIFFICULT FOR HIM
Jones. “I am never at a loss in conversation.”
His Fair Hostess. “But surely, Mr. Jones, there must be some subjects you don’t understand. What do you do then?”
Jones. “Oh, then—I say nothing, and look intelligent.”
INGRATITUDE
Nervous Youth (to charming girl, who has been trying to set him at his ease). “He, he! I always—ha—feel rather shy with pretty girls, y’know, but I’m quite at home with you!”
“Oh, Miss Brown, I was so sorry I didn’t see you when you called the other day. I had such a dreadful headache that I had to tell my maid I was not at home to any of my friends. But of course I should have seen you!”
The New Footman (stentoriously). “Mrs. Montgomery Jenkins’s carriage!”
Mrs. Montgomery Jenkins. “A—tell the coachman to wait.”
New Footman. “Please, ma’am, he says he can’t. He says he’s got another job at twenty minnits past eleven!”
“I’ve just left Mr. Brayne, and it’s quite a relief to meet you. He is so intellectual, you know!”
ANCIENT HISTORY
The Frumps (who rather fancy themselves in this style). “It’s called the Early Victorian bonnet.”
Guileless Youth (under the impression that he is paying a graceful compliment). “Oh yes. I suppose you wore them when you were quite girls.”