LESSONS IN JUSTICE
(IN TWO TONGUES)
The French Method, reported in a Paris Paper. Close of the Thirteenth Day.
The prisoner was admitted. He was self-possessed, grand, mysterious. He glanced round him with a air of disdain, and jeeringly bowed to the president, who regarded him with hatred. Then the president put questions to him.
The President. You are a thief, a scoundrel, an assassin! You know you committed the crime of which you are accused. You are a villain!
The Prisoner. And you—polite.
[General assent.
The President (with indignation). I will not have you say so! I tell you that I know you entered the room with the pistol. I know that you fired at the deceased. You know you did! Tell me, did you not kill the deceased?
The Prisoner. Why should I tell you? Is not your head of wood, M’sieur le Président.
[General laughter.
The President (with anger). You shall pay dearly for this! You have insulted me—you have insulted the son of my mother—and insulting her son, you have also insulted my mother!
[A deep murmur.
The Prisoner (shuddering). Oh, no! I deny it! I am not so base!
The President. But I tell you you are! I tell you that there is no more wicked man in the world than yourself! You are a poltroon!
[Murmurs.
The Prisoner. And you call the father of my innocent child a poltroon? It is an outrage!
[General assent.
The President. Your appeal to your innocent babe will avail you nothing. Your innocent babe would be better without such a father! (General Shuddering.) Yes, I mean what I say—you are a craven!
The Prisoner. This is too much! I am no craven! I love my country as a mother loves her son.
[General assent.
M. le Président. You insult France when you call yourself her son! You insult the Republic.
[Loud murmurs.
The Prisoner. It is not for you to judge! I know you, M’sieur le Président. Forty years ago you were in the service of the King!
M. le Président (with a cry). You shall be gagged if you utter such calumnies! You are a knave, a vagabond, a cut-throat! And now it is for the jury to decide. Have you anything to say in your defence?
The Prisoner (to the Jury). I have nothing to say, save that I brand this man as a traitor! As for me I ask for liberty in the name of my infant—in the name of my child! I confess I am no saint, and if I have murdered, why in the name of my innocent babe I beg of you to stretch out your hands to me and save me from the scaffold. I wish to return to the world to watch by the side of a cradle!
The jury, who were deeply affected, then retired, and, after two hours’ absence, returned a verdict of Guilty.
The English Method, reported in a London Paper. End of the First Day.
The prisoner, who was ably represented by counsel, appeared to be deeply sensible of his position. He kept his eyes on the jury during the brief summing up.
His Lordship said that he trusted the jury would give the benefit of any doubt they might feel in the prisoner’s favour. In so serious a case they must not convict unless they were convinced of his guilt. The facts had been carefully laid before them, and he would not say a word to bias them one way or the other. He entreated them to remember that the life of a fellow creature was at stake, and to let that recollection make them desirous to record only what was proper and just. The jury then retired, and, after five minutes’ absence, returned a verdict of Guilty.
THE LETTER OF THE LAW
Nervous Old Lady. “O, policeman! policeman! there’s a strange dog that will stick to me, and won’t leave me, and I can’t get rid of him! Couldn’t you take him in charge or something?”
Policeman (who doesn’t like the job). “Very sorry, ma’am,—but we can’t interfere with any dog so long as he’s a follerin’ o’ somebody!”
“VICISSITUDES OF FAMILIES”
Ragged Party. “Ah! I should never a’ been redooced like this ’ere if it hadn’t been for the lawyers!”
Raggeder Ditto. “And look at me! All through my title-deeds bein’ made into banjos an’ such like! Why, I spent a small fortun’ advertisin’ for one tambourine as was supposed to a’ been made out o’ my grandmother’s marriage-settlement!!!”
Dreary Counsel (in the course of an hour’s oration). “Gentlemen, you cannot close your eyes—my lord cannot close his—to this important fact!”
A NARROW ESCAPE
Country Magistrate. “Prisoner, you’re discharged this time with a caution; but if we see you here again, you’ll get twice as much!!”
New Legal Definition.—A Copyholder.—A compositor.
Limited Liability.—Worthy Magistrate. “Prisoner, you hear what the policeman says, that you, and some ten or twelve other boys not yet in custody, were seen in the act of demolishing a street lamp; now what have you to say for yourself?”
Prisoner. “So please yer worshop, as there was more nor ten of us engaged in the transagtion, why I pleads limited liability.”
“TURNING HIS FLANK”
(See opposite page.)
Legal Distinction.—Q. What is the difference between attorney and counsel?
A. One is a lawyer, and the other a jawyer.