THE BARRISTERS OF ENGLAND!
The barristers of England, how hungrily they stand
About the Hall of Westminster, with wig, and gown, and band;
With brief bag full of dummies and fee book full of oughts,
Result of the establishment of the new county courts.
The barristers of England, how listlessly they sit,
Expending on each other a small amount of wit:
Without the opportunity of doing something worse,
By talking nonsense at the cost of some poor client’s purse.
The barristers of England, how when they get a cause,
They (some of them) will disregard all gentlemanly laws;
And bullying the witnesses upon the adverse side.
Will do their very utmost the honest truth to hide.
The barristers of England, how with sang froid sublime,
They undertake to advocate two causes at one time;
And when they find it is a thing impossible to do,
They throw one client overboard, but take the fees of two.
The barristers of England, how rarely they refuse,
The party they appear against with coarseness to abuse;
Feeling a noble consciousness no punishment can reach
The vulgar ribaldry they call the “privilege of speech.”
The barristers of England, how often they degrade
An honourable calling to a pettifogging trade,
And show how very slight the lines of separation are,
Between the cabman’s licence, and “the licence of the bar.”
The barristers of England, how, if they owe a grudge,
They try with insolence to goad a poor assistant-judge;
And after having bullied him, their bold imposture clench,
By talking of their high respect for the judicial bench.
The barristers of England, how sad it is to feel
That rant will pass for energy, and bluster goes for zeal;
But ’tis a consolation that ’mid their ranks there are
Sufficient gentlemen to save the credit of the bar.
Aged Criminal (who has just got a life sentence). “Oh, me lud, I shall never live to do it!”
Judge (sweetly). “Never mind. Do as much of it as you can!”
LEGAL EXAMINATION QUESTION.
Q. What is a feme sole?
A. A lady’s boot that has lost its fellow.
From Scotland Yard.—Our police force, it has been observed, is deficient in height. The reason is plain. Tall policemen are discouraged, because they might look over things.
A Tight Fit.—A state of coma, which bobbies are too apt to confound with apoplexy.
A Special Plea.—A young thief who was charged the other day with picking pockets, demurred to the indictment, “for, that, whereas he had never picked pockets, but had always taken them just as they came.”
Drawing the Line.—Judge. “Remove those barristers. They’re drawing!”
Chorus of Juniors. “May it please your ludship, we’re only drawing—pleadings.”
[“Mr. Justice Denman said that he saw a thing going on in court that he could not sanction. He saw gentlemen of the bar making pictures of the witness. Let it be understood that he would turn out any gentleman of the bar who did so in future.”—Daily Paper.]