OBJECTIONS TO PLACES
(By a Stay-at-Home Cynic)
Antwerp.—Too many pictures.
Boulogne.—Too many English.
Calais.—Barred by the Channel passage.
Dieppe.—Journey there literally a "toss-up."
Ems.—In the sere and yellow leaf.
Florence.—Paintings anticipated by photography.
Geneva.—Can get watches nowadays elsewhere.
Heidelberg.—Castle too "personally conducted."
Interlaken.—Jungfrau monotonous.
Jerusalem.—Looks better on paper.
Kissingen.—Fallen off since Sheridan's days.
Lucerne.—Lion in stone too irritating.
Madrid.—Bull-fights can be supplied by biograph.
Naples.—No longer an ante mortem necessity.
Paris.—Used up.
Quebec.—After the Jubilee, too Colonial.
Rouen.—Preliminary journey impossible.
Saumur.—Not to be tempted by the vintage.
Turin.—Out of date more than a quarter of a century.
Utrecht.—Nothing, with or without its velvet.
Wiesbaden.—For ages superseded by Monte Carlo.
Xeres.—Can get sherry without going there.
Yokohama.—Products purchasable at the stores.
Zurich.—"Fair waters" disappointing.
At Antwerp.—Artist (amateur). "The Descent from the Cross." Hem! Not a bad bit of colouring, but out of date, sir,—out of date!
Artist (professional). You think so! Well, perhaps you are right. Splendid subject—splendid work; but it mightn't have sold nowadays. In 1875, Rubens would have painted portraits of fat mayors and sketches from the nursery.
Artist (amateur). Talking of sketches from the nursery, you should have seen my "Coronation of Henry the Eighth!"—the picture, you know, that they were afraid to accept at the Royal Academy! Afraid, sir!—that's the word—afraid!
Artist (professional). Quite so!
