WONDERS OF THE WORLD ABROAD
Wonder if there be an inn upon the Continent where you are furnished gratis with a cake of soap and bed candle.
Wonder how many able-bodied English waiters it would take to do the daily work of half a dozen French ones.
Wonder why it is that Great (and Little) Britons are so constantly heard grumbling at the half a score of dishes in a foreign bill of fare, while at home they have so frequently to feed upon cold mutton.
Wonder what amount of beer a German tourist daily drinks, and how many half-pint glasses a waiter at Vienna can carry at a time without spilling a drop out of them.
Wonder how it is that, although one knows full well that many Paris people are most miserably poor, one never sees such ragged scarecrows in its streets as are visible in London.
Wonder how many successive ages must elapse ere travellers abroad enjoy the luxury of salt-spoons.
Wonder why so many tourists, and particularly ladies, will persist in speaking French, with a true Britannic accent, when the waiter so considerately answers them in English.
Wonder when our foreign friends, who are in most things so ingenious, will direct their ingenuity to the art of drainage coupled with deodorising fluids.
Wonder if there be a watering-place in France where there is no Casino, and where Frenchmen may be seen engaged in any game more active than dominoes or billiards.
Wonder when it will be possible to get through seven courses at a foreign table d'hôte without running any risk of seeing one's fair neighbour either eating with her knife or wiping her plate clean by sopping bread into the gravy.
Wonder what would be the yearly increase of deafness in Great Britain, if our horses all had bells to jangle on their harness, and our drivers all were seized with the mania for whip-cracking, which possesses in such fury all the coachmen on the Continent.
Wonder in what century the historian will relate that a Frenchman was seen walking in the country for amusement.
Wonder why it is that when one calls a Paris waiter, he always answers, "V'la, M'sieu," and then invariably vanishes.
Wonder when Swiss tourists will abstain from buying alpenstocks which they don't know how to use, and which are branded with the names of mountains they would never dare to dream of trying to do more than timidly look up to.
Wonder in what age of progress a sponge-bath will be readily obtainable abroad, in places most remote, and where Britons least do congregate.
Wonder if French ladies, who are as elegant in their manners as they are in their millinery, will ever acquire the habit of eating with their lips shut.
Wonder when it will be possible to travel on the Rhine, without hearing feeble jokelets made about the "rhino."
Mrs. Vanoof (shopping in Paris). "Now let me see what you've got extra special."
Salesman. "Madam, we 'ave some ver' fine Louis treize."
Mr. Vanoof. "Trays, man! What do we want with trays!"
Mrs. Vanoof. "Better try one or two; they're only a louis.">[
