MR. PUNCH ON THE WARPATH
Waterloo up-to-date (a fact.)
Belgian Guide. Ze brave Picton 'e fall in ze arms of victoire——
Facetious Britisher. Where was Lord Roberts?
Guide (not to be done). Lord Robert 'e stand on zis montagne, and 'e cry, "Hoop, Garde, and at zem!"
The report that there are 46,719 total abstainers in the British Army is welcome news, but what grieves recruiting officers is the number of total abstainers from the British Army.
Curious Military Fact.—The seat of war is always the spot where two forces are standing up to one another.
A Spot to be avoided by Royal Artillerymen.—Gunnersbury.
Advice for Martinets.—Military authorities should consider whether it would not be advisable to abate a little of their solicitude for the tidiness of a regiment, and pay somewhat more attention to its mess.
Among Warriors.
Interested Patron. So I see you lost an arm in the battle.
An Atkins ("back from the Front"). Ay, sir, and my companion here (indicating Atkins No. 2) he lost a leg.
Patron. And your Colonel—in the same battle, eh?
Atkins No. 2. Ah! he was worse off than either of us, sir; he lost his head.
Army Chaplains.—Wouldn't they be all doubly serviceable in time of war if they were all canons?
Bluejacket (in charge of party of sightseers). "Here Nelson fell."
Old Lady. "An' I don't wonder at it, poor dear. Nasty slippery place! I nearly fell there myself!"