THE SKELETON TOURIST'S VADE MECUM
Question. What is your object this year?
Answer. To follow the precedent of former Summers, and get over as much ground as possible.
Q. How do you manage this?
A. With the assistance of a ticket guaranteed to make distance a greater consideration than scenery.
Q. Is it necessary to examine the places en route with much careful consideration?
A. Certainly not, as the Guide-book of the place visited will supply the compulsory omissions.
Q. What are compulsory omissions?
A. Objects of interest left out for want of time to give them an inspection.
Q. How long would you give St. Peter's at Rome?
A. A quarter of an hour, and the Colosseum at the same place ten minutes.
Q. Could you not spare more time than this from your holiday?
A. No; for luncheon and dinner have to be taken into consideration in the touring table.
Q. What object of interest would you examine in the Land of the Midnight Sun?
A. The sun at midnight, if it happened to be shining.
Q. And if you visited the Rhine by the railway, what object of interest would chiefly attract your attention?
A. The interior of the compartment in which you happened to be travelling.
Q. What advantage would you derive from your tour?
A. The satisfaction of explaining to non-tourists where you had been rather than what you had seen.
Q. Do you consider that your mind would derive much benefit from your rapid locomotion?
A. Not much, nor my body either.
Q. But I presume your outing would justify the title of this Vade Mecum?
A. Most certainly; because, by the end of your journey, you might accurately describe your condition as one who had been reduced to a skeleton.
Nervous Tourist. "Stop, driver, stop! There's something wrong! I am sure a wheel's coming off!"
Driver. "Arrah, be aisy then, yer honour. Sure, it's the same one's been comin' off thin these three days back!"
(Sketched on the pier just after the arrival of the boat.)
'Arry (viewing stormy sea in a mutoscope). "My eye, Maria, come an' 'ave a look 'ere. The motion of the waives is simply grand!"
