SONG OF "THE MISSING SPORTSMAN"
How happy could I be on heather,
A-shooting at grouse all the day,
If only the birds in high feather
Would not, when I shoot, fly away!
Brown (after an hour's digging for the ferret). "Call this rabbit shootin'? I call it landscape gardening!"
"So you don't think much of my retrievers?"
"On the contrary. I think you have two most valuable watch dogs."
"Once Hit Twice Shy."—Guest (taking keeper aside). "Look here, Smithers"—(gives half-a-sov.)—"Put me out o' gunshot of the Squire. He does shoot so precious wild, and my nerve isn't what it used to be!"
"Ground Game."—Wife. "Ah, then you've been successful at last, dear!"
Husband (prevaricating). "Ye—yes, I bagged——"
Wife (sniffing). "And high time you did! I should say by the—oh! it must be cooked to-day!"
[It came out afterwards the impostor had bagged it at the poulterer's
Scene—A shooting party, August 12 (M. F. H. is introduced to distinguished foreigner) "You hunt much of the fox, monsieur? I also, and have already of him shot twenty-five, and have wounded many more!"
His "First."—Brown (good chap, but never fired a gun in his life). "I say, you fellows, I don't mind confessing that I am a bit nervous, you know. I hope none of you will pepper me!">[