THE FOOL WITH A GUN
(To the Tune of the "Temptation of St. Anthony")
A LITTLE CHECK
There are many fools that worry this world,
Fools old, and fools who're young;
Fools with fortunes, and fools without,
Fools who dogmatise, fools who doubt,
Fools who snigger, and fools who shout,
Fools who never know what they're about,
And fools all cheek and tongue;
Fools who're gentlemen, fools who're cads,
Fools who're greybeards, and fools who're lads;
Fools with manias, fools with fads,
Fools with cameras, fools with tracts,
Fools who deny the stubbornest facts,
Fools in theories, fools in acts;
Fools who write Theosophist books,
Fools who believe in Mahatmas and spooks;
Fools who prophesy—races and Tophets—
Bigger fools who believe in prophets;
Fools who quarrel, and fools who quack;
In fact, there are all sorts of fools in the pack,
Fools fat, thin, short, and tall;
But of all sorts of fools, the fool with a gun
(Who points it at someone—of course, "in fun"—
And fools around till chance murder is done)
Is the worsest fool of them all!
HIS FIRST PARTRIDGE SHOOT
SPORTING EXTRAORDINARY—THE OLD DOG POINTS CAPITALLY
"I tell yer wot it is, Sam! If this fool of a dog is a going to stand still like this here in every field he comes to, we may as well shut up shop, for we shan't find no partridges!"
Trials of a Novice.—"Confess now. Have you ever hit a haystack, even?"
"Well, of course I have."
"What did you aim at?"