A DISTINCTION WITHOUT A DIFFERENCE

(A Drama in two Acts illustrative of the peculiarities of the British Idiom of End-dearment)

Adolphus. Won't it make its adored happy by naming the day then—a playful little puss!

Seraphina. Ah! I suppose it must have its own way—a sad young dog.

Seraphina (with emphasis). O! when mamma comes you will not treat me so—you insolent puppy!

Adolphus (with decided emphasis). Ah! don't talk to me, you cat!!!

Curtain falls.

The Best Settlement for a Rich Wife who Elopes.—A penal one.

COLD SYMPATHY

Friend. "Hullo, old man, what's the matter?"

Gilded Youth. "Just proposed to a girl—been refused. Think I shall blow my brains out!"

Friend. "Congratulate you, old chap!"

Gilded Youth. "What do you mean?"

Friend. "Didn't know you had any!"

QUOD ERAT DEMONSTRANDUM

Gertrude. "But nobody ever dies of a broken heart."

Evelyn. "Oh, but they do. Why, I knew a man who was jilted, and he died almost immediately afterwards."

Gertrude. "Well, if he'd lived he'd have got over it."