SONG OF THE HIGHER SENTIMENTS
I live a mild domestic life,
Devoted dearly to my wife,
So much so, that from her extends
My fond affection to her friends;
And first of all—no spooney raw—
Oh, don't I love my mother-in-law!
My pet's old parent's rather stout;
I just might clasp her waist about:
Some three yards round, and not much more.
I've thoughts of widening my front-door,
I shouldn't mind the expense one straw.
Oh, don't I love my mother-in-law!
At times I may myself forget,
Which, if she thinks, she tells my pet;
But when I don't do all I should,
Her telling tends to make me good;
I'm pleased to have her find the flaw.
Oh, don't I love my mother-in-law!
The servants that upon her wait
A pleasure have which must be great.
And yet can we get none to stay.
I grieve so when she goes away!
Tears from my eyes her turned heels draw.
Oh, don't I love my mother-in-law!
A sweet old soul, how pleased I feel
To see her at the social meal
Of dinner sit, her mouth a chink
Ne'er opened save to meat—and drink!
And I'll ne'er grudge (I am so free)
Her gin and brandy in her tea.
I hold her in such filial awe;
Oh, don't I love my mother-in-law!
"Just look at Mr. Jones over there, flirting with that girl! I always thought he was a woman-hater?"
"So he is; but she's not here to-night!"
The Straight Tip.—"And so now they're engaged! Well, Jessie, to think of you, with your beauty and accomplishments, and your lovely voice, being cut out by such an ignorant little fright as that Maggie Quickson! You sang to him, I suppose?" "Yes, mamma, by the hour! But she made him sing, you know, and played his accompaniments for him!" "Why, can he sing?" "No, mamma; but she made him believe he could!"
Motto for a "Kiss."—Go it, my two lips.
Crossed in Love.—A wedding-present cheque.
Q. What is the difference between a lover asking the object of his affections to marry him, and a guest who ventures to hint to his host that the Pommery '80 is rather corked?
A. The one pops the question, the other questions the pop.
He. "How would you like to own a—er—a little puppy?"
She. "Oh, Mr. Softly, this is so sudden!"