TRITE BUT TRUE
"Music's the food of love" they say,
This is a passage every one now quotes;
The truth is clear, for in the present day,
Young love is fed entirely on notes.
"Our Failures."—Husband. "I say, Lizzie, what on earth did you make this mint-sauce of?"
Young Wife (who has been "helping" Cook). "Parsley, to be sure!"
APPEARANCES ARE DECEPTIVE
He. "Who's that?"
She. "Jack Anstruther and his bride. He married ever so much beneath him."
He. "Doesn't look like it!"
BREAKING THE NEWS
Newly Affianced One. "May I be your new mamma, Tommy?"
Tommy. "I should like it, but you must ask papa."
ONE GOOD TURN DESERVES ANOTHER
She. "But if you say you can't bear the girl, why ever did you propose?"
He. "Well, her people have always been awfully good to me, and it's the only way I could return their hospitality."
Ethel. "Well, Jimmy didn't blow his brains out after all because you refused him. He proposed to Miss Golightly yesterday."
Maud. "Did he? Then he must have got rid of them in some other way!"
Advice to Match-making Mammas.—The first and only thing requisite is simply, as Mrs. Glass very wisely says, "First catch your heir."
A Happy Holiday.—The Bachelor. "So you're looking after the house while your wife is taking a holiday? I hope she's enjoying the change?"
The Benedict. "I know I am."
"Creature Comforts."—Good wives.
How to Cure an Imprudent Attachment.—Materfamilias. "What is to be done, my dear? He positively dotes on her!" Paterfamilias. "Well, we must try to find him an antidote."
Divorce.—A matrimonial ticket-of-leave.
The Desire of Pleasing.—"May I be married, ma?" said a lovely girl of fifteen to her mother the other morning. "Married!" exclaimed the astonished matron, "what put such an idea into your head?" "Little Emily, here, has never seen a wedding; and I'd like to amuse the child," replied the obliging sister, with fascinating naïveté.
A Woman's Will.—Won't!!!
"I dunno what 'er misshus 'll shay—but any'ow 'm nor goin' to preten I'm shober"—(hic).
A Contradiction in Terms.—Man and wife.
Automatic Couplings.—Scotch marriages.
The Family Herald.—A monthly nurse.
The Worst Result of Vivisection.—Eve.
(By an incorrigible Old Bachelor, who is hiding himself for fear of consequences.)
BRADBURY. AGNEW & CO. LD. PRINTERS, LONDON AND TONBRIDGE