EJACULATIONS
On being asked to play Croquet, A.D. 1894.
["It is impossible to visit any part of the country without realising the fact that the long-discredited game of Croquet is fast coming into vogue again.... This is partly owing to the abolition of 'tight croqueting.'"—Pall Mall Gazette.]
Eh? What? Why? How?
Are we back in the Sixties again?
I am rubbing my eyes—is it then, or now?
I'm a Rip Van Winkle, it's plain!
Hoop, Ball, Stick, Cage?
Eh, fetch them all out once more?
Why, look, they're begrimed and cracked with age,
And their playing days are o'er!
Well—yes—here goes
For a primitive chaste delight!
Let us soberly, solemnly beat our foes,
For Croquet's no longer "tight"!
CHARLES KEENESQUE CROQUET PERIOD. 1866
An Objectionable Old Man.
Young Ladies. "Going to make a flower-bed here, Smithers? Why, it'll quite spoil our croquet ground!" Gardener. "Well, that's yer Pa's orders, Miss! He'll hev' it laid out for 'orticultur', not for 'usbandry'".
Sweet Delusion.
Chorus of Young Ladies (speaking technically). "No spooning, Mr. Lovel! No spooning allowed here!" Miss Tabitha (with the long curls). "Those naughty, n-n-naughty girls! I suppose they allude to you and me, Mr. Lovel. But, lor'! never mind them!—I don't."
So Ready!
Snooks (coming out conversationally). "I think that every woman who is not out-and-out plain considers herself a beauty." Miss Rinkle. "Does that include me?" Snooks. "Oh, of course not!"
THE MOMENTOUS QUESTION
Eligible Bachelor. "Shall I follow you up, Annie; or leave myself for Lizzie?"
[According to Country Life, Croquet, which was revived last summer, is likely to increase in popularity this year. A splendid opportunity to revive the pastime and the costumes of the early sixties at the same time.]