After the Races.
Little 'Arry (who has had a "bad day"—to driver of public coach). "Ever lose any money backin' 'orses, coachie?"
Driver. "Not 'alf! Lost twenty quid once—backed a pair of 'orses and a homnibus into a shop window in Regent Street!"
| Old Lady. "Dear me, what a nice refined-looking little boy. Why, Jane, he has a mouth fit for a cherub; I really must give him sixpence." [Does so. | The Cherub (five seconds later). "S-s-s-s!! Billee! the old gal's give me a tanner!" |
BY OUR COCKNEY
When is a yew tree not a yew tree? When it's a 'igh tree.
Talking of that, Mr. P., what a nice line the Great Northern to Hedgware is, to be sure. I am, as you know, werry partickler about my "H"s, but "'ang me," as my friend 'Arry Belleville says, "if t'ain't 'nough to spoil your pronunshiashun for a hage and hall time to 'ave to 'ear such names of stations one atop of tother, as the followin', as called out by the porters an' guards:"
'Olloway.
Seven Scissors Road.
Crouch Hend.
'Ighgate and'Ampstead.
Heast Hend.
Finchley and 'Endon.
Mill 'Ill.
Hedgware.
There's a lot for you! And t'other line goes to 'Arford, 'Atfield, and Saint All-buns. Saint All Buns would be a good feast, eh, sir?
Yours,
Enery.
Hivy 'Ouse, 'Oxton.
First Combatant. "—! —! —! —! &c."
Bystander. "Why don't yer answer 'im back?"
Second Combatant. "'Ow can I? 'E's used all the best words!"