ENCOURAGING
Curate (who wishes to encourage local industry). "Well, Adams, how are you getting on with my watch?"
Adams. "Why, it be nigh finished now, zur, an' 'e do zeem to go mortal well, but dang me, if there bain't a wheel as I can't find a place vor summow!"
"I'm sorry to hear you've been ailing again, John. I must send you down something from the Rectory. How would you like some soup?"
"Thanky kindly, mum—but I bain't so terr'ble wrapped up in soup!"
What Rural Deans Smoke.—"Church-wardens."
Convivial Party. "I shay, ole f'ller, how long doesh it take to gerout of thish wood?"
Doctor. "Well, you got those leeches I sent for your husband, Mrs. Giles?"
Mrs. Giles. "Yes, zur; but what on earth be the good o' sending they little things vor a girt big chap like he? I jes' took an' clapped a ferret on 'un!"
Note by a Chiropodist (in the country for the first time).—"Must be very painful—corn in the ear."
A Pastoral.—How should a shepherd arrange his dress? In folds.
The Dunmow Flitch.—All gammon.
Hotel-keeper (who has let his "Assembly Room" for a concert). "Well, sir, I 'ope you found the arrangements in the 'all satisfactory last night?"
Mr. Bawlington. "Oh, yes; everything was all right. There was only one thing to object to. I found the acoustics of the building not quite——"
Hotel-keeper. "No, sir; excuse me. What you smelt was the stables next door!"
Giles. "I be got up here, mister, but I don't zee 'ow ever I be goin' to get down."
Farmer. "Thee zhut thee eyes an' walk about a bit, an' thee'll zoon get down!"
An Old Offender.—Country Gentleman (eyeing his Gardener suspiciously). "Dear, dear me, Jeffries, this is too bad! After what I said to you yesterday, I didn't think to find you——"
Gardener. "You can't shay—(hic)—I wash drunk yesht'day, sh——!"
Country Gentleman (sternly). "Are you sober this morning, sir?"
Gardener. "I'm—shlightly shober, shir!!"
Qualified Admiration.—Country Vicar. "Well, John, what do you think of London?" Yokel. "Lor' bless yer, sir, it'll be a fine place when it's finished!"
Squire's Daughter. "Do you think it is quite healthy to keep your pigs so close to the cottage?"
Hodge. "I dunno, miss. Noan of they pigs ain't ever been ill!"
