"ONLY TWO FEET AT THE WINDOW"
(Old song adapted)
Milkman (aghast, anxiously). "Hullo! Wot's that?"
Old Woman. "Hish! Our lodger, just come. Open-air cure!"
Agricultural.—The poorest farmer in the land, if unable to feed his calves, can always graze his shins.
At the Cattle Show.—- Young Farmer. "Are you fond of beasts, Miss Gusherton?"
Miss Gusherton. "Oh, really, Mr. Pawker, if you mean that as a declaration, you must speak to mamma!"
Rector. "Why, doctor, where are you off to? I thought the meet was down at the cross roads."
Doctor. "Well, the fact is, I've got a patient up here that I must see, and the hounds are certain to come this way."
Rector. "I see. Killing two birds with one stone, eh?"
Short-sighted Old Gentleman. "Excuse me, but I think you've dropped one of your parcels!"
"Opposition."—First Town Councillor (who had recently been to Venice). "Now that we've a people's park, and a lake in it, I should suggest that half a dozen gondolas might be purchased, as they'd give quite a——" Second Ditto (untravelled). "Oh, I don't see the good of havin' any more o' them foreign birds! We've plenty of ducks an' geese already! 't any rate a pair would be enough to breed from. As to 'alf a dozen, I consider it'd be a waste o' public money, an' I'll oppose it tooth and——" [They don't part friends.
The Squire. "I don't seem to know your face, my man. Do you live about here?"
Old Rustic. "Yes, sir. But, yer see, I ain't often at the public-'ouse!"
First Doubtful Character. "This yer's all 'umbug about a thief not bein' able to look a honest man in the heye."
Second Doubtful Character. "Well, if 'e can't, 'e can punch 'im in the heye!"
