TRUE POLITENESS
(Another incident at a Tenants' Ball)
Daughter of the house (dishevelled and torn after one turn round the room with clumsy partner). "Do you mind very much, Mr. Quickstep, if we sit out the rest of it?"
Mr. Quickstep. "Jest as you like, miss. I'm only a-dancin' for your pleasure!"
Miss Marjorie. "And how is your son James getting on, Mr. Giles?"
Giles (whose son has gone to London "in service"). "Well, to tell ye the truth, Miss Marji, Oi'm very troubled about 'im. Oi 'ad a letter last week, an' 'e says that 'e's livin' in a buildin' with 'undreds of people in it, an' it's three or fowr 'ouses one on top o' t'other. 'E says there's a railway carriage without an ingin' that goes up the middle o' th' buildin', an' the lights is all in bottles, an' you turns 'em on with a tap without usin' a loocifer, an'——"
Miss Marjorie. "But why are you troubled about James?"
Giles. "Aye, Oi fear 'e must 'a took to drink, miss!"
Sympathy.—Giles (ruefully). "Villiam, I've been an' gone an' 'listed!"
William. "Lor'! 'ave yer, though? Got the shillin'?"
Giles. "Yes."
William. "Well, then, let's go an' 'ave a glass at the 'Barley-Mow.' Don't let's be down'earted!"
Quite a Different Thing.—Vicar's Wife. "Well, Mrs. Bloggs, I'm glad to hear your husband has given up drinking. I hope he's all the better for it?" Mrs. Bloggs. "Oh, yes, 'm, that he be. Why, ever since 'e took the pledge, he's been more like a friend than a husband!"
Scene.—A Country Drawing-Room.
Visitor (to old lady and daughters, one of whose hobbies is the keeping of a small herd of Jerseys). "By the way, I didn't see you at our local agricultural show."
Daughter. "Oh, no! We never go unless we exhibit ourselves."
A Slight mistake.—Farmer. "Where 'ave ye been all this time? And where's the old mare—didn't ye have her shod as I told ye?" Jarge. "Shod! Law, no, marster. I bin a buryin' she! Didn't I think thee said 'shot'!"