"THE ABSENT-MINDED BEGGAR"
(With apologies to Mr. Kipling)
Talkative Old Lady (drinking a glass of milk, to enthusiastic teetotaler, who is doing ditto). "Yes, sir, since they're begun poisoning the beer, we must drink something, mustn't we?"
Small Boy (who is somewhat cramped for room). "Are you still there, Billy? I thought you wos lost."
Irate Old Gentleman. "Here, I say, your beast of a dog has bitten a piece out of my leg!"
Dog's Owner. "Oh, bother! And I wanted to bring him up a vegetarian!"
"'Ad any breakfus' 's mornin'?" "Not a drop!"