I.
F. 84r rev.A speech made for the foresaid porter, who pronounc't it in the hall before most of the house and Master Præsident, that had sconc't him 10 groates for lettinge the fidlers into the hall at Christmas.
Ille ego qui quondam, I am hee that in ould season have made Lilly leape out of his skinne, & with a muster of sentences out of his syntaxis have besieged the eares of the audience in the behalfe of the wretched. But alas!—Mihi isthic nec seritur nec metitur; it is to mee neither a sorrye turne nor a merrye turne. I have sifted out for other mens sakes the flower of my fancye, that I have left nothing but the branne in my braine. And yet who is there amongst them that in the depth of my distresse will speake for the poore porter, who meltes 10 the muses into mourninge or turnes Parnassus into plaintes, Hellicon into heavines, Apollo into an apollogie, for my sake? My learninge goeth not beyond Lillye, nor my reading beyond my rules, yet have I for them so canvast their concavitye that I have opened their entraills, so dived into the depth of them that I have manifested their marrowe, soe pried into their profunditye that I have plac't the verye pith of them before you. And, alas that I should F. 83v rev. now speake for my selfe, what remaines for mee but the rinde & the barke, when I have given the roote & 20 the bodye to others? What remaines for mee but the shell, when I have given others the substaunce, what remaines for mee but the curdes, when I have given others the creame? Yea, what is left for mee but the paringes, when I have given others the peares? But I therin made knowen my valour, for you knowe, Aliorum vitia cernere oblivisci suorum, to supplye other mens wants & to forgett his owne, proprium est stultitiæ, is the parte of a stoute man; since then I must speake for my selfe, Stat mihi casus renovare omnes; you shall 30 heare the whole cause, case, and the course of it.
Sub nocte silenti, (i) in nocte vel paulo ante noctem, cum spectatur in ignibus aurum; when you might have seene gold in the fier, the fier shin'de so like gold, Ecce per opaca locorum, came the fidlers creeping alonge, densa subter testudine casus, their instruments vnder their arms, in their cases, & at lenghe, Itum est in viscera terræ, broke open into the harte of the hall; neither when they were there could they bee content to F. 83r rev.warme their fingers by the fier and bee gone, though I 40 would have persuaded them thereto, but Iuvat vsque morari et conferre gradum; they would needes staye & the youth daunce; but oh to see, woe to see, that pleasure is but a pinch and felicitye but a phillippe; when as Juvat ire per altum, some were cutting capers aloft in the ayre, canit similiter huic, and they likewise with their minstrelsey fitting it to their footing, all on a suddaine, Subito I may say to them, but Repente to mee, their sporte was spoild, their musicke marrd, their dauncinge dasht with a vox hominem sonat, with a voyce, 50 with an awefull voice, Hæccine fieri flagitia; ar these the fruites of the fires; statur a me, (i) sto, statur ab illis, (i) stant; they that even now scrap't so fast with their stickes fell now to scraping faster with their leggs; their fum fum was turn'd to mum mum, and their pleasaunt melodye to most pittifull making of faces; but when they look't that their fiddles should have flyen about their eares, their calveskin cases about their calveshead pates, as the sunne shines brightest through a shower, so did softnes in the midst of severitye: F. 82v rev.there was noe more 60 said to them but, Teque his ait eripe flammis; they were best, since they had made many mens heeles warme with shakinge, to coole their owne by quaking without doore. But the more mercy was shewed before, the lesse was left for mee. Had I beene dealt with soe mercifullye, I had not neede to have come with this exclamation, or had it beene but gratia ab officio, but a groat out of mine office, I should not have stonied the stones nor rented the rockes with my dolorous outcryes.
But when it shall come to denarii dicti quod denos, 70 when tenn groats shall make a muster togeather and sitte heavy on my head, actum est ilicet, the porter periit. O weathercoke of wretchednes that I am, seated on the may-pole of misfortune; whither shall I turne, or to whome shall I looke for releife? Shall I speake to my minstrells for my money? Why, they have allready forsaken mee, to the verifieng of the ould proverbe; Quantum quisque sua nummorum servat in arcā, tantum habet et fidei; as long as a man hath money in his purse, so long hee shall have the fidlers. What is to bee looked 80 for of them that will doe nothing without pay, and hard-mony for their harmonye? Shall I speake to my frends? Why: nullus ad amissas ibit amicus opes. F. 43r rev.Oh, then, lett mee runne to the speare of Achilles (recorded by auncient philosophers) which first hurt mee and last can heale mee: lett my penitencye find pittye, and my confession move compassion; if you will live according to rule, ever after penitet, tædet, lett miseret, miserescit succeede.
That they came in, it was a fault of oversight in not overseeing my office: if any should slinke by Cerberus 90 out of hell, it weare a thing to bee wondred at, & yet wee see there doth, ther are so many spirritts walking. If any should steale by Janus into heaven, it weare much woorthy of marvaile, and yet wee see there doth, there are soe many of Jupiters lemmans: if anye should skippe in or out by mee it is not to bee admired: for why? Cerberus the porter of hell hath 3 heads, Janus hath two, & I your poore colledg porter have but one. That they weare not putt out of the colledge when they weare in, it was a fault; but a fault of curtesie; for who could 100 find in his hart, when hee seeth a man accompanied with musicke, musis comitantibus, to bidd him, Ibis Homere foras, gett you home for an asse?
F. 42v rev.But though my breast (I must confesse) weare then somewhat moved with their melodye, yet heerafter my breast shall bee marble when they warble: Nemo sibi Mimos accipere debet favori, I will never lett in minstrells againe vpon favour; for your selves I can say no more but profit; & when (after this Christmas cheere is ended) you fall againe to your studdies, I could wish that 110 Hippocrene may bee Hippocrise, the muses Muskadine, & the Pierides pies every day for your sakes; and as for my tenn groates, if it will please you to remitte it, I will give you decies decem mille gratiarum. Dixi.