Actus. iiii. Scæna. vii.
R. Royster. M. Merygreeke. C. Custance. D. Doughtie. Harpax. Tristram Trusty.
R. Royster. Nowe sirs, keepe your ray,[566] and see your heartes be stoute,
But where be these caitifes, me think they dare not route,[567]
How sayst thou Merygreeke? What doth Kit Custance say?
M. Mery. I am loth to tell you.
R. Royster. Tushe speake man, yea or nay?
M. Mery. Forsooth sir, I have spoken for you all that I can. 5
But if ye winne hir, ye must een play the man,
Een to fight it out, ye must a mans heart take.
R. Royster. Yes, they shall know, and[568] thou knowest I have a stomacke.
[M. Mery.] A stomacke (quod you) yea, as good as ere man had. G iii b
R. Royster. I trowe they shall finde and feele that I am a lad. 10
M. Mery. By this crosse I have seene you eate your meate as well,
As any that ere I have seene of or heard tell,
A stomacke quod you? he that will that denie
I know was never at dynner in your companie.
R. Royster. Nay, the stomacke of a man it is that I meane. 15
M. Mery. Nay the stomacke of a horse or a dogge I weene.
R. Royster. Nay a mans stomacke with a weapon meane I.
M. Mery. Ten men can scarce match you with a spoone in a pie.
R. Royster. Nay the stomake of a man to trie in strife.
M. Mery. I never sawe your stomake cloyed yet in my lyfe. 20
R. Royster. Tushe I meane in strife or fighting to trie.
M. Mery. We shall see how ye will strike nowe being angry.
R. Royster [strikes M.]. Have at thy pate then, and save thy head if thou may.
M. Mery. [strikes R. again]. Nay then have at your pate agyne by this day,
R. Royster. Nay thou mayst not strike at me againe in no wise. 25
M. Mery. I can not in fight make to you suche warrantise:
But as for your foes here let them the bargaine bie.[569]
R. Royster. Nay as for they, shall every mothers childe die.
And in this my fume a little thing might make me,
To beate downe house and all, and else the devill take me. 30
M. Mery. If I were as ye be, by gogs deare mother,
I woulde not leave one stone upon an other.
Though she woulde redeeme it with twentie thousand poundes.
R. Royster. It shall be even so, by his lily woundes.
M. Mery. Bee not at one with hir upon any amendes. 35
R. Royster. No though she make to me never so many frendes.
Nor if all the worlde for hir woulde undertake,[570]
No not God hymselfe neither, shal not hir peace make,
On therfore, marche forwarde,—soft, stay a whyle yet.[!]
M. Mery. On. 40
R. Royster. Tary.
M. Mery. Forth.
R. Royster. Back.
M. Mery. On.
R. Royster. Soft. Now forward set. [march against the house.]
C. Custance [entering:]. What businesse have we here? out[!] alas, alas! [retires for fun.]
R. Royster. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Dydst thou see that Merygreeke? how afrayde she was?
Dydst thou see how she fledde apace out of my sight? [G iv]
Ah good sweete Custance I pitie hir by this light. 45
M. Mery. That tender heart of yours wyll marre altogether,
Thus will ye be turned with waggyng of a fether.
R. Royster. On sirs, keepe your ray.
M. Mery. On forth, while this geare is hot.
R. Royster. Soft, the Armes of Caleys, I have one thing forgot.
M. Mery. What lacke we now? 50
R. Royster. Retire, or else we be all slain.
M. Mery. Backe for the pashe of God, backe sirs, backe againe.
What is the great mater?
R. Royster. This hastie forth goyng
Had almost brought us all to utter undoing,
It made me forget a thing most necessarie.
M. Mery. Well remembered of a captaine by sainct Marie. 55
R. Royster. It is a thing must be had.
M. Mery. Let us have it then.
R. Royster. But I wote not where nor how.
M. Mery. Then wote not I when.
But what is it?
R. Royster. Of a chiefe thing I am to seeke.
M. Mery. Tut so will ye be, when ye have studied a weke.
But tell me what it is? 60
R. Royster. I lacke yet an hedpiece.
M. Mery. The kitchen collocauit,[571] the best hennes to grece,
Runne, fet it Dobinet, and come at once withall,
And bryng with thee my potgunne, hangyng by the wall,
[Dobinet goes]
I have seene your head with it full many a tyme,
Covered as safe as it had bene with a skrine: 65
And I warrant it save your head from any stroke,
Except perchaunce to be amased[572] with the smoke:
I warrant your head therwith, except for the mist,
As safe as if it were fast locked up in a chist:
[Dob. enters]
And loe here our Dobinet commeth with it nowe. 70
D. Dough. I will cover me to the shoulders well inow.
M. Mery. Let me see it on.
R. Royster. In fayth it doth metely well.
M. Mery. There can be no fitter thing. Now ye must us tell
What to do.
R. Royster. Now forth in ray sirs, and stoppe no more. 73
M. Mery. Now sainct George to borow,[573] Drum dubbe a dubbe afore.
T. Trusty. [entering]. What meane you to do sir, committe manslaughter.
R. Royster. To kyll fortie such, is a matter of laughter.
T. Trusty. And who is it sir, whome ye intende thus to spill? G iv b
R. Royster. Foolishe Custance here forceth me against my will.
T. Trusty. And is there no meane your extreme wrath to slake. 80
She shall some amendes unto your good mashyp make.
R. Royster. I will none amendes.
T. Trusty. Is hir offence so sore?
M. Mery. And he were a loute she coulde have done no more.
She hath calde him foole, and dressed him like a foole.
Mocked him lyke a foole, used him like a foole. 85
T. Trusty. Well yet the Sheriffe, the Justice, or Constable,
Hir misdemeanour to punishe might be able.
R. Royster. No sir, I mine owne selfe will in this present cause,
Be Sheriffe, and Justice, and whole Judge of the lawes,
This matter to amende, all officers be I shall, 90
Constable, Bailiffe, Sergeant.
M. Mery. And hangman and all.
T. Trusty. Yet a noble courage, and the hearte of a man
Should more honour winne by bearyng with a woman.
Therfore take the lawe, and lette hir aunswere thereto.
R. Royster. Merygreeke, the best way were even so to do. 95
What honour should it be with a woman to fight?
M. Mery. And what then, will ye thus forgo and lese your right?
R. Royster. Nay, I will take the lawe on hir withouten grace.
T. Trusty. Or yf your mashyp coulde pardon this one trespace.
I pray you forgive hir. 100
R. Royster. Hoh?
M. Mery. Tushe tushe sir do not.
Be good maister to hir.
R. Royster. Hoh?
M. Mery. Tush I say do not.
And what shall your people here returne streight home?
T. Trustie. Yea, levie the campe sirs, and hence againe eche one,[574]
R. Royster. But be still in readinesse if I happe to call,
I can not tell what sodaine chaunce may befall. 105
M. Mery. Do not off your harnesse sirs I you advise,
At the least for this fortnight in no maner wise,
Perchaunce in an houre when all ye thinke least,
Our maisters appetite to fight will be best.
But soft, ere ye go, have once at Custance house. 110
R. Royster. Soft, what wilt thou do?
M. Mery. Once discharge my harquebouse
And for my heartes ease, have once more with my potgoon. H i
R. Royster. Holde thy handes else is all our purpose cleane fordoone.
M. Mery. And it cost me my life.
R. Royster. I say thou shalt not.
M. Mery [making a mock assault]. By the matte[575] but I will. Have once more with haile shot. 115
I will have some penyworth, I will not leese all.
Actus. iiii. Scæna. viii.[576]
M. Merygreeke. C. Custance. R. Roister. Tib. T. An. Alyface. M. Mumblecrust. Trupenie. Dobinet Doughtie. Harpax. Two drummes with their Ensignes.
C. Custance. What caitifes are those that so shake my house wall?
M. Mery [with a sly wink]. Ah sirrha[!] now Custance if ye had so muche wit
I woulde see you aske pardon, and your selves submit.
C. Custance. Have I still this adoe with a couple of fooles?
M. Mery. Here ye what she saith? 5
C. Custance. Maidens come forth with your tooles.
R. Royster. In a ray.
M. Mery. Dubba dub sirrha.
R. Royster. In a ray.
They come sodainly on us.
M. Mery. Dubbadub.
R. Royster. In a ray.
That ever I was borne, we are taken tardie.
M. Mery. Now sirs, quite our selves like tall men and hardie.
C. Custance. On afore Trupenie, holde thyne owne Annot, 10
On towarde them Tibet, for scape us they can not.
Come forth Madge Mumblecrust, so stande fast togither.
M. Mery. God sende us a faire day.
R. Royster. See they marche on hither.
Tib. Talk. But mistresse.
C. Custance. What sayst [th]ou?[577]
Tib. Shall I go fet our goose?[578]
C. Custance. What to do? 15
Tib. To yonder Captain I will turne hir loose
And she gape and hisse at him, as she doth at me,
I durst jeoparde my hande she wyll make him flee.
R. Royster. They com.
M. Mery. Stand. [They fight; M. hitting R.
R. Royster. Hold.
M. Mery. Kepe.
R. Royster. There.
M. Mery. Strike.
R. Royster. Take heede.
C. Custance. Wel sayd Truepeny.
Trupeny. Ah whooresons.
C. Custance. Wel don in deede.
M. Mery. Hold thine owne Harpax, downe with them Dobinet. H i b 20
C. Custance. Now Madge, there Annot: now sticke them Tibet.
Tib. Talk. [against Dob.]. All my chiefe quarell is to this same little knave,
That begyled me last day, nothyng shall him save.
D. Dough. Downe with this litle queane, that hath at me such spite,
Save you from hir maister, it is a very sprite. 25
C. Custance. I my selfe will mounsire graunde[579] captaine undertake, [advances against Roister.]
R. Royster. They win grounde.
M. Mery. Save your selfe sir, for gods sake.
R. Royster [retiring, beaten]. Out, alas, I am slaine, helpe.
M. Mery. Save your selfe.
R. Royster. Alas.
M. Mery. Nay then, have at you mistresse. [pretending to strike Cust., he hits Roist.]
R. Royster. Thou hittest me, alas.
M. Mery. I will strike at Custance here.30 [again hitting R.]
R. Royster. Thou hittest me.
M. Mery. [aside]. So I wil.
Nay mistresse Custance.
R. Royster. Alas, thou hittest me still.
Hold.
R. Royster. Help,[580] out alas I am slain
M. Mery. Truce, hold your hands, truce for a pissing while or twaine:
Nay how say you Custance, for saving of your life,
Will ye yelde and graunt to be this gentmans wife? 35
C. Custance. Ye tolde me he loved me, call ye this love?
M. Mery. He loved a while even like a turtle dove.
C. Custance. Gay love God save it, so soone hotte, so soone colde,[581]
M. Mery. I am sory for you: he could love you yet so he coulde.
R. Royster. Nay by cocks precious[582] she shall be none of mine. 40
M. Mery. Why so?
R. Royster. Come away, by the matte she is mankine.[583]
I durst adventure the losse of my right hande,
If shee dyd not slee hir other husbande:
And see if she prepare not againe to fight.
M. Mery. What then? sainct George to borow, our Ladies knight.[584] 45
R. Royster. Slee else whom she will, by gog she shall not slee mee.
M. Mery. How then?
R. Royster. Rather than to be slaine, I will flee.
C. Custance. Too it againe, my knightesses, downe with them all.
R. Royster. Away, away, away, she will else kyll us all.
M. Mery. Nay sticke to it, like an hardie man and a tall. 50
R. Royster. Oh bones,[585] thou hittest me. Away, or else die we shall.
M. Mery. Away for the pashe of our sweete Lord Jesus Christ.
C. Custance. Away loute and lubber, or I shall be thy priest.
Exeant [Royster and his 'army.'][586]
So this fielde is ours we have driven them all away. H ii
Tib Talk. Thankes to God mistresse, ye have had a faire day. 55
C. Custance. Well nowe goe ye in, and make your selfe some cheere.
Omnes pariter. We goe [!—Exeant Custance's maidens].
T. Trust. Ah sir, what a field we have had heere.
C. Custance. Friend Tristram, I pray you be a witnesse with me.
T. Trusty. Dame Custance, I shall depose for your honestie,
And nowe fare ye well, except some thing else ye wolde. 60
C. Custance. Not now, but when I nede to sende I will be bolde.
I thanke you for these paines. [Exeat Trusty.[587]] And now I wyll get me in,
Now Roister Doister will no more wowyng begin. 63
Ex.