FOOTNOTES:
[653] The older form of Dick, nickname for Richard.
[654] Nickname for Roger.
[655] Misprinted Docke.
[656] Professor Manly gives scapetbryk as the reading of the edition of 1575; but in the copies in the Bodleian Library and in the British Museum the name is printed correctly.
Gammer Gurtons Nedle
The Prologue. A ii
As Gammer Gurton with manye a wyde styche
Sat pesynge and patching of Hodg her mans briche,
By chance or misfortune, as shee her geare tost,
In Hodge lether bryches her needle shee lost.
When Diccon the bedlem had hard by report 5
That good Gammer Gurton was robde in thys sorte,
He quyetly perswaded with her in that stound[657]
Dame Chat, her deare gossyp, this needle had found;
Yet knew shee no more of this matter, alas!
Then knoeth Tom, our clarke, what the priest saith at masse. 10
Hereof there ensued so fearfull a fraye,
Mas[658] Doctor was sent for, these gossyps to staye,
Because he was curate, and estemed full wyse;
Who found that he sought not, by Diccons device.
When all thinges were tombled and cleane out of fassion, 15
Whether it were by fortune, or some other constellacion,
Sodenlye the neele Hodge found by the prickynge,
And drew it out of his bottocke, where he felt it stickynge.
Theyr hartes then at rest with perfect securytie,
With a pot of good nale they stroake up theyr plauditie. 20
The fyrst Acte. The fyrst Sceane.
Diccon.
Diccon. Many a myle have I walked, divers and sundry waies,
And many a good mans house have I bin at in my daies;
Many a gossips cup in my tyme have I tasted,
And many a broche[659] and spyt have I both turned and basted;
Many a peece of bacon have I had out of thir balkes, 5
In ronnyng over the countrey, with long and were walkes;
Yet came my foote never within those doore cheekes,
To seeke flesh or fysh, garlyke, onyons, or leeke,
That ever I saw a sorte[660] in such a plyght
As here within this house appereth to my syght. 10
There is howlynge and scowlyng, all cast in a dumpe,
With whewling and pewling, as though they had lost a trump. A ii b
Syghing and sobbing, they weepe and they wayle;
I marvell in my mynd what the devill they ayle.
The olde trot syts groning, with alas! and alas! 15
And Tib wringes her hands, and takes on in worse case.
With poore Cocke, theyr boye, they be dryven in such fyts,
I feare mee the folkes be not well in theyr wyts.
Aske them what they ayle, or who brought them in this staye,
They aunswer not at all, but "alacke!" and "welaway!" 20
Whan I saw it booted not, out at doores I hyed mee,
And caught a slyp of bacon, when I saw that none spyed mee,
Which I intend not far hence, unles my purpose fayle,
Shall serve for a shoinghorne to draw on two pots of ale.
The fyrst Acte. The second Sceane.
Hodge. Diccon.
Hodge. See! so cham[661] arayed with dablynge in the durt!
She that set me to ditchinge, ich wold she hat the squrt!
Was never poore soule that such a life had.
Gogs bones! thys vylthy glaye hase drest me to bad!
Gods soule! see how this stuffe teares! 5
Iche were better to bee a bearward and set to keepe beares!
By the Masse, here is a gasshe, a shamefull hole in deade!
And one stytch teare furder, a man may thrust in his heade.
Diccon. By my fathers soule, Hodge, if I shoulde now be sworne,
I can not chuse but say thy breech is foule betorne, 10
But the next remedye in such a case and hap
Is to plaunche on a piece as brode as thy cap.
Hodge. Gogs soule, man, tis not yet two dayes fully ended
Synce my dame Gurton, chem sure, these breches amended;
But cham made suc[h]e a drudge to trudge at euery neede, 15
Chwold rend it though it were stitched with[662] sturdy pacthreede.
Diccon. Ho[d]ge, let thy breeches go, and speake and tell mee soone
What devill ayleth Gammer Gurton & Tib her mayd to frowne.
Hodge. Tush, man, thart deceyved: tys theyr dayly looke;
They coure so over the coles, theyre eyes be bleared with smooke. 20
Diccon. Nay, by the masse, I perfectly perceived, as I came hether,
That eyther Tib and her dame hath ben by the eares together,
Or els as great a matter, as thou shalt shortly see.
Hodge. Now, iche beseeche our Lord they never better agree!
Diccon. By Gogs soule, there they syt as still as stones in the streite,
As though they had ben taken with fairies, or els with some il sprite. 26
Hodge. Gogs hart! I durst have layd my cap to a crowne
Chwould lerne of some prancome as sone as ich came to town.
Diccon. Why, Hodge, art thou inspyred? or dedst thou therof here?
Hodge. Nay, but ich saw such a wonder as ich saw nat this seven yere. 30
Tome Tannkards cow, be Gogs bones! she set me up her saile,
And flynging about his halfe aker[663] fysking with her taile,
As though there had ben in her ars a swarme of bees,
And chad not cryed "tphrowh, hoore," shead lept out of his lees.
Diccon. Why, Hodg, lies the connyng in Tom Tankards cowes taile? 35
Hodge. Well, ich chave hard some say such tokens do not fayle.
Bot ca[n]st thou not tell,[664] in faith, Diccon, why she frownes, or wher at?
Hath no man stolne her ducks or hen[n]es, or gelded Gyb, her cat?
Diccon. What devyll can I tell, man? I cold not have one word!
They gave no more hede to my talk than thow woldst to a lorde.
Hodge. Iche cannot styll but muse, what mervaylous thinge it is.
Chyll in and know my selfe what matters are amys. 42
Diccon. Then fare well, Hodge, a while, synce thou doest inward hast,
For I will into the good wyfe Chats, to feele how the ale doth taste.