The ii Acte. The ii Sceane.
Diccon. Chat.
Diccon. Fy, shytten knave, and out upon thee!
Above all other loutes, fye on thee!
Is not here a clenly prancke?
But thy matter was no better,
Nor thy presence here no sweter, 5
To flye I can the thanke.[683]
Here is a matter worthy glosynge,
Of Gammer Gurton nedle losynge,
And a foule peece of warke!
A man I thyncke myght make a playe, 10
And nede no worde to this they saye,
Being but halfe a clarke.
Softe, let me alone! I will take the charge
This matter further to enlarge
Within a tyme shone. 15
If ye will marke my toyes, and note,
I will geve ye leave to cut my throte
If I make not good sporte.
Dame Chat, I say, where be ye? within?
Chat. Who have we there maketh such a din? 20
Diccon. Here is a good fellow, maketh no great daunger.
Chat. What, Diccon? Come nere, ye be no straunger.
We be fast set at trumpe, man, hard by the fyre;
Thou shall set on the king, if thou come a little nyer.
Diccon. Nay, nay, there is no tarying; I must be gone againe. 25
But first for you in councel I have a word or twain.
Chat. Come hether, Dol! Dol, sit downe and play this game,
And as thou sawest me do, see thou do even the same.
There is five trumps beside the queene, the hindmost thou shalt finde her.
Take hede of Sim Glovers wife, she hath an eie behind her! 30
Now, Diccon, say your will.
Diccon. Nay, softe a little yet;
I wold not tel it my sister, the matter is so great.
There I wil have you sweare by our dere Lady of Bullaine,
Saint Dunstone, and Saint Donnyke, with the three kings of Kullaine,
That ye shal keepe it secret.
Chat.
Gogs bread! that will I doo!
As secret as mine owne thought, by God and the devil two!
Diccon, Here is Gammer Gurton, your neighbour, a sad and hevy wight:
Her goodly faire red cock at home was stole this last night.
Chat, Gogs soul! her cock with the yelow legs, that nightly crowed so just?
Diccon. That cock is stollen.
Chat. What, was he fet out of the hens ruste? 40
Diccon. I can not tel where the devil he was kept, under key or locke;
But Tib hath tykled in Gammers eare, that you shoulde steale the cocke.
Chat. Have I, stronge hoore? by bread and salte!—
Diccon. What, softe, I say, be styl!
Say not one word for all this geare.
Chat. By the masse, that I wyl!
I wil have the yong hore by the head, & the old trot by the throte. 45
Diccon. Not one word, Dame Chat, I say; not one word, for my cote!
Chat. Shall such a begars brawle[684] as that, thinkest thou, make me a theefe?
The pocks light on her hores sydes, a pestlence and a mischeefe!
Come out, thou hungry nedy bytche! O that my nails be short!
Diccon. Gogs bred, woman, hold your peace! this gere wil els passe sport! 50
I wold not for an hundred pound this mater shuld be knowen,
That I am auctour of this tale, or have abrode it blowen!
Did ye not sweare ye wold be ruled, before the tale I tolde?
I said ye must all secret keepe, and ye said sure ye wolde.
Chat. Wolde you suffer, your selfe, Diccon, such a sort to revile you, 55
With slaunderous words to blot your name, and so to defile you?
Diccon. No, Goodwife Chat, I wold be loth such drabs shulde blot my name;
But yet ye must so order all that Diccon beare no blame.
Chat. Go to, then, what is your rede? say on your minde, ye shall mee rule herein.
Diccon. Godamercye to Dame Chat! In faith thou must the gere begin. 60
It is twenty pound to a goose turd, my gammer will not tary,
But hether ward she comes as fast as her legs can her cary,
To brawle with you about her cocke; for wel I hard Tib say
The Cocke was rosted in your house to brea[k]fast yesterday;
And when ye had the carcas eaten, the fethers ye out flunge, 65
And Doll, your maid, the legs she hid a foote depe in the dunge.
Chat. Oh gracyous God! my harte it[685] burstes!
Diccon. Well, rule your selfe a space;
And Gammer Gurton when she commeth anon into thys place,
Then to the queane, lets see, tell her your mynd and spare not.
So shall Diccon blamelesse bee; and then, go to, I care not! 70
Chat. Then, hoore, beware her throte! I can abide no longer.
In faith, old witch, it shalbe seene which of us two be stronger!
And, Diccon, but at your request, I wold not stay one howre.
Diccon. Well, keepe it till she be here, and then out let it powre!
In the meane while get you in, and make no wordes of this. 75
More of this matter within this howre to here you shall not misse,
Because I knew you are my friend, hide it I cold not, doubtles.
Ye know your harm, see ye be wise about your owne busines!
So fare ye well.[686]
Chat. Nay, soft, Diccon, and drynke! What, Doll, I say!
Bringe here a cup of the best ale; lets see, come quicly a waye! 80