The iii. Acte. The ii Sceane.
Gammer. Hodge.
Gammer. Now Hodge, mayst nowe be glade, cha newes to tell thee;
Ich knowe who hais my neele; ich trust soone shalt it see.
Hodge. The devyll thou does! hast hard, Gammer, in deede, or doest but jest?
Gammer. Tys as true as steele, Hodge.
Hodge. Why, knowest well where dydst leese it?
Gammer. Ich know who found it, and tooke it up! shalt see or it be longe. 5
Hodge. Gods mother dere! if that be true, farwel both naule an thong!
But who hais it, Gammer, say on; chould faine here it disclosed.
Gammer. That false fixen, that same Dame Chat, that counts her selfe so honest.
Gammer. That same did Diccon the bedlam, which saw it done.
Hodge. Diccon? it is a vengeable knave, Gammer, tis a bonable[698] horson, 10
Can do mo things then that, els cham deceyved evill:
By the masse, ich saw him of late cal up a great blacke devill!
O, the knave cryed "ho, ho!" he roared and he thundred,
And yead bene here, cham sure yould murrenly ha wondred.
Gammer. Was not thou afraide, Hodge to see him in this place? 15
Hodge. No, and chad come to me, chould have laid him on the face,
Chould have, promised him!
Gammer. But, Hodge, had he no hornes to pushe?
Hodge. As long as your two armes. Saw ye never Fryer Rushe[699]
Painted on a cloth, with a side long cowes tayle,
And crooked cloven feete, and many a hoked nayle? 20
For al the world, if I shuld judg, chould recken him his brother.
Loke, even what face Frier Rush had, the devil had such another.
Gammer. Now Jesus mercy, Hodg! did Diccon in him bring?
Hodge. Nay Gammer, here me speke, chil tel you a greater thing;
The devil (when Diccon had him, ich hard him wondrous weel) 25
Sayd plainly here before us, that Dame Chat had your neele.
G[am]mer. Then let us go, and aske her wherfore she minds to kepe it;
Seing we know so much, tware a madnes now to slepe it.
Hodge. Go to her, Gammer; see ye not where she stands in her doores?
Byd her geve you the neele, tys none of hers but yours. 30
The iii. Acte. The iii. Sceane.
Gammer. Chat. Hodge.
Gammer. Dame Chat, cholde praye the fair, let me have that is mine!
Chil not this twenty yeres take one fart that is thyne;
Therefore give me mine owne, and let me live besyde the.
Chat. Why art thou crept from home hether, to mine own doores to chide me?
Hence, doting drab, avaunt, or I shall set the further! 5
Intends thou and that knave mee in my house to murther?
Gammer. Tush, gape not so on[700] me, woman! shalt not yet eate mee!
Nor all the frends thou hast in this shall not intreate mee!
Mine owne goods I will have, and aske the no[701] beleve,[702]
What, woman! pore folks must have right, though the thing you aggreve. 10
Chat. Give thee thy right, and hang the up, with al thy baggers broode!
What, wilt thou make me a theefe, and say I stole thy good?
Gammer. Chil say nothing, ich warrant thee, but that ich can prove it well.
Thou fet my good even from my doore, cham able this to tel!
Chat. Dyd I, olde witche, steale oft[703] was thine? how should that thing be knowen? 15
Gammer. Ich can no tel; but up thou tokest it as though it had ben thine owne,
Chat. Mary, fy on thee, thou old gyb, with al my very hart!
Gammer. Nay, fy on thee, thou rampe, thou ryg, with al that take thy parte!
Chat. A vengeance on those lips that laieth such things to my charge!
Gammer. A vengeance on those callats hips, whose conscience is so large! 20
Gammer. Come out, hogge, and let have me right!
Chat. Thou arrant witche!
Gammer. Thou bawdie bitche, chil make thee cursse this night!
Chat. A bag and a wallet!
Gammer. A carte for a callet!
Chat. Why, wenest thou thus to prevaile?
I hold thee a grote, I shall patche thy coate! C iii
Gammer. Thou warte as good kysse my tayle!
Thou slut, thou kut, thou rakes, thou jakes! will not shame make the hide [the]? 25
Chat. Thou skald, thou bald, thou rotten, thou glotton! I will no longer chyd the,
But I will teache the to kepe home.
Gammer. Wylt thou, drunken beaste?
Hodge. Sticke to her, Gammer! take her by the head, chil warrant you thys feast!
Smyte, I saye, Gammer! Byte, I say, Gammer! I trow ye wyll be keene!
Where be your nayls? claw her by the jawes, pull me out bothe her eyen. 30
Gogs bones, Gammer, holde up your head!
Chat. I trow, drab, I shall dresse thee.
Tary, thou knave, I hold the a grote I shall make these hands blesse thee!
Take thou this, old hore, for amends, and lerne thy tonge well to tame,
And say thou met at this bickering, not thy fellow but thy dame!
Hodge. Where is the strong stued hore? chil geare a hores marke! 35
Stand out ones way, that ich kyll none in the darke!
Up, Gammer, and ye be alyve! chil feygh[t] now for us bothe.
Come no nere me, thou scalde callet! to kyll the ich wer loth.
Chat. Art here agayne, thou hoddy peke? what, Doll! bryng me out my spitte.
Hodge. Chill broche thee wyth this, bim father soule, chyll conjure that foule sprete! 40
Let dore stand, Cock! why coms, in deede? kepe dore, thou horson boy!
Chat. Stand to it, thou dastard, for thine eares, ise teche the, a sluttish toye!
Hodge. Gogs woundes, hore, chil make the avaunte! take heede, Cocke, pull in the latche!
Chat. Ifaith, sir Loose-breche, had ye taried, ye shold have found your match!
Gammer. Now ware thy throte, losell, thouse paye[704] for al!
Hodge. Well said, Gammer, by my soule. 45
Hoyse her, souse her, bounce her, trounce her, pull out her throte boule!
Chat. Comst behynd me, thou withered witch? and I get once on foote
Thouse pay for all, thou old tarlether! ile teach the what longs to it!
Take the this to make up thy mouth, til time thou come by more!
Hodge. Up, Gammer, stande on your feete; where is the olde hore? 50
Faith, woulde chad her by the face, choulde cracke her callet crowne!
Gammer. A Hodg, Hodg, where was thy help, when fixen had me downe?
Hodge. By the masse, Gammer, but for my staffe Chat had gone nye to spyl you!
Ich think the harlot had not cared, and chad not com, to kill you.
But shall we loose our neele thus?
Gammer. No Hodge chwarde[705] lothe doo soo, 55
Thinkest thou chill take that at her hand? no, Hodg, ich tell the no!
Hodge. Chold yet this fray wer wel take up, and our neele at home.
Twill be my chaunce else some to kil, wher ever it be or whome!
Gammer. We have a parson, Hodge, thou knoes, a man estemed wise,
Mast Doctor Rat; chil for hym send, and let me here his advise. 60
He will her shrive for all this gere, and geve her penaunce strait;
Wese[706] have our neele, els Dame Chat comes nere within heaven gate.
Hodge. Ye, mary, Gammer, that ich think best; wyll you now for him send?
The sooner Doctor Rat be here, the soner wese ha an ende,
And here, Gammer! Dyccons devill, as iche remember well, 65
Of cat, and Chat, and Doctor Rat, a felloneus tale dyd tell.
Chold you forty pound, that is the way your neele to get againe.
Gammer. Chil ha him strait! Call out the boy, wese make him take the payn.
Hodge. What, Co[c]ke, I saye! come out! What devill! canst not here?
Cocke. How now, Hodg? how does Gammer, is yet the wether cleare? 70
What wold chave[707] me to do?
Gammer. Come hether, Cocke, anon!
Hence swythe[708] to Doctor Rat, hye the that thou were gone,
And pray hym come speke with me, cham not well at ease.
Shalt have him at his chamber, or els at Mother Bees;
Els seeke him at Hob Fylchers shop, for as charde it reported, 75
There is the best ale in al the towne, and now is most resorted.
Cocke. And shall ich brynge hym with me, Gammer?
Gammer. Yea, by and by, good Cocke.
Cocke. Shalt see that shal be here anone, els let me have on the docke.[709]
Hodge. Now, Gammer, shall we two go in, and tary for hys commynge?
What devill, woman! plucke up your hart, and leve of al this glomming.[710] 80
Though she were stronger at the first, as ich thinke ye did find her,
Yet there ye drest the dronken sow, what time ye cam behind her.
Gammer. Nay, nay, cham sure she lost not all, for, set thend to the beginning,
And ich doubt not but she will make small bost of her winning.