The Patient and Doctor—The First Interview.
Patient—Doctor, I have got the piles and dyspepsia most awfully. I have taken lots of medicine, and it has made me more costive, and caused my head to ache worse than ever. Now, Doctor, what on earth shall I do to cure me of the piles and dyspepsia?
Doctor—Buy Branch’s Alligator.
Patient—What kind of medicine is that?
Doctor—It ain’t medicine. It is a pepper.
Patient—What kind of pepper?
Doctor—A darn funny pepper.
Patient—How can that cure the piles and dyspepsia?
Doctor—It will make you laugh and cry at the same time, and move your bowels, and it actually gave one of my patients the diarrhœa and hysteric cramps in the stomach last week.
Patient—Where can I find it?
Doctor—At any depot in the city.
Patient—I will try it. How much shall I pay you for your medical advice?
Doctor—Only one dollar.
Patient—There it is. Good day, Doctor.
Doctor—Good day.
Patient—(stumbles going down the steps)—It looks awful cloudy, Doctor.
Doctor—Quite so. It looks like rain.
Patient—Yes, rather. Good day, Doctor.
Doctor—Good day. Call again.
Patient—I will. [Exeunt.]