James Gordon Bennett and Fanny Elssler.
Fanny’s Parlor.
Bennett (Softly knocks)—Fanny, dear, are you in?
Fanny—Who’s there?
Bennett—Thy friend.
Fanny—Thy name?
Bennett—James Gordon Bennett.
Fanny—Gracious Heaven! (She unlocks the door.)
Enter Bennett.
Bennett—Good morning, sweet Fanny.
Fanny—A kind salutation to my noble friend.
Bennett—Where’s Wyckoff?
Fanny—I don’t know.
Bennett—Will he return soon?
Fanny—I guess not.
Bennett—Then come and sit in my lap.
Fanny—I will. (She bounds to Bennett’s knees.)
Bennett—Now kiss me.
Fanny—There! (Smack! smack! smack! and the last on his lips.)
Bennett—O! how sweet!
Fanny (archly)—You don’t say!
Bennett—Yes, I do.
Fanny—And so do I.
Bennett—Then give me another cluster of kisses.
Fanny—I’ll give you a dozen or a hundred, if you will only puff me well, and fill the theatre every night.
Bennett—Have I not puffed you well, my darling?
Fanny—W-e-l-l—y-e-s. Wyckoff says I am increasing my popularity every day. And now if you will only continue to puff me, my dear Mr. Bennett, I will hug and kiss you, and love you ever so dearly. And do you know that I intend to give your beautiful wife some precious jewels?
Bennett—Wyckoff said you contemplated a splendid donation to my fair lady.
Fanny—O yes, dear Mr. Bennett, the jewels are all purchased, and your dear wife shall have them soon.
Bennett—Hush! fair creature! Don’t talk so loudly. Is the door locked? I hear footsteps. Some one ascends the stairs. If you are seen in my lap, old Mordecah M. Noah will get hold of it, and put it in his Caudle Lectures, which bite me terribly.
Fanny—The door is locked, and you need not be afraid, as it is only the servant coming to bring me some wine and water, and to dust my parlor.
Bennett—Well, give me one more fervent kiss, and let in the servant, and I will depart, and return soon, unless you expect Wyckoff. It won’t do for us both to be here at the same time, you know, eh?
Fanny—I hardly think it will, although I love you both.
Servant—(Knocks.)
Fanny—Busy! (Servant goes down stairs.)
Bennett—Which do you love best—me or Wyckoff?
Fanny—I love you the best, dear Mr. Bennett. Most people call Wyckoff the handsomest, but I think you are the prettiest man I ever saw. Your voice is so sweet, and your complexion so fair, and your features so Grecian, and your smile so lovely, and your heart so kind, and your figure so commanding, and your eyes so expressive of a large humanity. O, Mr. Bennett, I most dearly love you, and now I desire to know if you love me, and how much? And before you tell me, there’s another luscious kiss on your fragrant lips. And now, dear friend, do tell me how much you love your grateful and affectionate Fanny?
Bennett—O, I love you most ardently, and I have a mind to give Wyckoff a touch of the Italian, and marry you, and hide ourselves in some deep mountain glen of my beloved Scotland.
Fanny—O, if you would only do all that.
Bennett—What! kill Wyckoff, and marry you, and desert my devoted wife and child?
Fanny—To be sure. Did you not say you would?
Bennett—O Heaven! Fanny! I am very nervous. Your extraordinary fascinations will ruin me, and I must fly.
Fanny—Whither?
Bennett—To my office.
Fanny—What! Havn’t you the pluck to kill Wyckoff, and marry me, and all my jewels, and the vast possessions I have acquired through my grace and agility?
Bennett—Darm it, Fanny, no more to-day. Give me a parting kiss, and I will go, and we will resume this delightful theme to-morrow, when Wyckoff is promenading Broadway, or arranging your affairs at the Theatre and the printing offices. So, good-by, my adored Fanny—farewell, my precious solace and incomparable divinity.
Fanny—A fond adieu, my charming admirer. Come again to-morrow, or I shall die. (She cries like a female Crocodile.)
Bennett—Farewell.
Fanny—Farewell—my benefactor. O farewell!
(He goes, and Fanny leaps, and dances, and laughs, and screams, and wildly rejoices over his departure.)
The reader must now imagine the lapse of many years.
Bennett’s Office.
Bennett—Mr. Hudson, don’t let Ross & Tousey have any more Heralds for their country agents.
Hudson—Why?
Bennett—Because I learn that they have got all my little private arrangements with Fanny Elssler stereotyped, and intend to publish my connection and black mail operations with Elssler and Wyckoff, which will mortify me extremely, and forever degrade me in the eyes of the people, and of my wife and children.
Hudson—I will see that Ross & Tousey obtain no more Heralds.
Bennett—Give the order immediately, to expel Ross & Tousey forever from our establishment.
Hudson—I will. (Rings the bell.)
Enter Paper Superintendent.
Superintendent—What is your desire, Mr. Hudson?
Hudson—Let Ross & Tousey have no more Heralds. They have offended Mr. Bennett.
Superintendent—Is it possible? I’ll see that they get no more Heralds. (He goes.)
(Hudson goes to Bennett’s private room.)
Hudson—I have given your order, and it will be instantly obeyed.
Bennett—That will suffice. (Hudson retires.)
(To be continued.)
