A Wonderful Invention.
Much has been said about the Albany Regency, whose lawgivers are Thurlow Weed, Seward & Co., but they cannot compare with our great Puttyman, Cooper, Draper & Co. For cunning reforms, soft soap and putty they have no competitors. While the former has dined on politicians, the latter has luxuriated on live alligators—of the short and long branch species—until they are looking fat and greasy. We advise Weed and Seward to look well to their pickets and walls at Syracuse on the 8th of September, or our great city reformers will not leave them an atom of power or greatness. Let Weed remember that these great lights of Metropolitan glory, have a peculiar way of doing business, unknown to the scientific of the present day. The invention is said to be despotic and arbitrary in its sway over the masses, but this can hardly be, for our Metropolitans are clear-sighted people and would certainly have made the discovery if such was the case; hence their popularity must originate from the true greatness of their invention and the entire approval and encomiums of the Press during the last three or four weeks. It is seldom that any new invention confers honor, fame and fortune upon the inventor, but this “Branch Incarceration” invention is a new era in science, law and philosophy. The inventors are deserving of a monument to perpetuate their memories to future posterity. Oh, great Puttyman, little did you think, when superintending your humble paint manufactory, that you would ever be connected in such a great discovery. How great, how powerful is genius—God-like. Praise God, Puttyman, that you and your fellow-inventors are not like other men.
City Hall Bell.—This loud, cracked-toned sentinel, having become ashamed of the corruption in and round the City Hall, has left the top of that institution and located itself outside on a wooden tower.
Central Park.—Supposed to be completed about the year 1880—judging by the last two years’ progress. Cost, impossible to estimate.