The Book of Humorous Verse

by Unknown

E-text prepared by Hilary Caws-Elwitt, Huub Bakker,
and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team
(http://www.pgdp.net)

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THE BOOK OF
HUMOROUS VERSE

Compiled by
CAROLYN WELLS
Author of "Such Nonsense,"
"The Whimsey Anthology,"
etc., etc.
NEW YORK
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY

PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
TO
ROBERT CHAPMAN SPRAGUE

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INTRODUCTION

A hope of immortality and a sense of humor distinguish man from the beasts of the field.

A single exception may be made, perhaps, of the Laughing Hyena, and, on the other hand, not every one of the human race possesses the power of laughter. For those who do, this volume is intended.

And since there can be nothing humorous about an introduction, there can be small need of a lengthy one.

Merely a few explanations of conditions which may be censured by captious critics.

First, the limitations of space had to be recognized. Hence, the book is a compilation, not a collection. It is representative, but not exhaustive. My ambition was toward a volume to which everyone could go, with a surety of finding any one of his favorite humorous poems between these covers. But no covers of one book could insure that, so I reluctantly gave up the dream for a reality which I trust will make it possible for a majority of seekers to find their favorites here.

The compiler's course is a difficult one. The Scylla of Popularity lures him on the one hand, while the Charybdis of the Classical charms him on the other. He has nothing to steer by but his own good taste, and good taste, alack, is greatly a matter of opinion.

And no opinion seemeth good unto an honest compiler, save his own. Wherefore, the choice of these selections, like kissing, went by favor. As to the arrangement of them, every compiler will tell you that Classification is Vexation. And why not? When many a poem may be both Parody and Satire,—both Romance and Cynicism. Wherefore, the compiler sorted with loving care the selections here presented striving to do justice to the verses themselves, and taking a chance on the tolerant good nature of the reader.

For,

"A jest's prosperity lies in the ear Of him that hears it. Never in the tongue Of him that makes it."

Which made me all the more careful to do my authors justice, leaving the prosperity of the jests to the hearers.

Carolyn Wells.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

The compiler is indebted to the publisher or author, as noted below, for the use of copyright material included in this volume. Special arrangements have been made with the authorized publishers of those American poets, whose works in whole or in part have lapsed copyright. All rights of these poems have been reserved by the authorized publisher, author or holder of the copyright as indicated in the following:

Little, Brown & Company: For selections from the Poems and Limericks of Edward Lear.

The Macmillan Company: For selections from the Poems of Lewis Carroll and Verses from "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland" and "Through the Looking Glass."

Harr Wagner Publishing Company: For permission to reprint from "The Complete Poems" of Joaquin Miller "That Gentle Man From Boston Town," "That Texan Cattle Man," "William Brown of Oregon."

Frederick A. Stokes Company: "Bessie Brown, M.D." and "A Kiss in the Rain," by Samuel Minturn Peck.

Lothrop, Lee & Shepard Company: For the inclusion of the following Poems by Sam Walter Foss: "The Meeting of the Clabberhuses," "A Philosopher" and "The Prayer of Cyrus Brown" from "Dreams in Homespun," copyright, 1897. "Then Agin—" and "Husband and Heathen," from "Back Country Poems," copyright, 1894. "The Ideal Husband to His Wife," from "Whiffs from Wild Meadows," copyright, 1895.

Forbes & Company: "How Often?" "If I Should Die To-night," and "The Pessimist," by Ben King.

The Century Company: For permission to reprint from St. Nicholas Magazine the following poems by Ruth McEnery Stuart: "The Endless Song" and "The Hen-Roost Man"; and by Tudor Jenks: "An Old Bachelor"; and by Mary Mapes Dodge: "Home and Mother," "Life in Laconics," "Over the Way" and "The Zealless Xylographer."

Thomas L. Masson: For permission to reprint "The Kiss" from "Life."

E. P. Button & Company: "The Converted Cannibals" and "The Retired Pork-Butcher and the Spook," by G. E. Farrow.

Houghton Mifflin Company: With their permission and by special arrangement, as authorized publishers of the following authors' works, are used: Selections from Nora Perry, John Townsend Trowbridge, Charles E. Carryl, Oliver Wendell Holmes, John Greenleaf Whittier, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Bret Harte, James Thomas Fields, John G. Saxe, James Russell Lowell and Bayard Taylor.

A. P. Watt & Son and Doubleday, Page & Company: For their permission to use "Divided Destinies," "Study of an Elevation, in Indian Ink," and "Commonplaces," by Rudyard Kipling.

G. P. Putnam's Sons: Selections from the Poems of Eugene Fitch Ware and "The Wreck of the 'Julie Plante,'" by William Henry Drummond.

Henry Holt & Company: Two Parodies from "— and Other Poets," by Louis Untermeyer.

Dodd, Mead & Company: "The Constant Cannibal Maiden," "Blow Me Eyes" and "A Grain of Salt," by Wallace Irwin.

John Lane Company: For Poems by Owen Seaman, Anthony C. Deane and G. K. Chesterton.

The Smart Set: "Dighton is Engaged," and "Kitty Wants to Write," by Gelett Burgess.

Small, Maynard & Company: For selections from Holman F. Day, Richard Hovey and Clinton Scollard.

The Bobbs-Merrill Company: For special permission to reprint from the Biographical Edition of the Complete Works of James Whitcomb Riley (copyright, 1913) the following Poems: "Little Orphant Annie," "The Lugubrious Whing-Whang," "The Man in the Moon," "The Old Man and Jim," "Prior to Miss Belle's Appearance," "Spirk Throll-Derisive," "When the Frost is on the Punkin."

The Bobbs-Merrill Company: For permission to use the following Poems by Robert J. Burdette, from "Smiles Yoked with Sighs" (copyright, 1900), "Orphan Born," "The Romance of the Carpet," "Soldier, Rest!", "Songs without Words," "What Will We Do?".

Charles Scribner's Sons: For permission to use "The Dinkey-Bird," "Dutch Lullaby," "The Little Peach," "The Truth About Horace," by Eugene Field.

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CONTENTS

I: BANTER		page
The Played-Out Humorist	W. S. Gilbert	[25]
The Practical Joker	W. S. Gilbert	[26]
To Phœbe	W. S. Gilbert	[28]
Malbrouck	Father Prout	[29]
Mark Twain: A Pipe Dream	Oliver Herford	[30]
From a Full Heart	A. A. Milne	[31]
The Ultimate Joy	Unknown	[32]
Old Fashioned Fun	W. M. Thackeray	[33]
When Moonlike Ore the Hazure Seas	W. M. Thackeray	[34]
When the Frost is on the Punkin	James Whitcomb Riley	[34]
Two Men	Edwin Arlington Robinson	[35]
A Familiar Letter to Several Correspondents	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[36]
The Height of the Ridiculous	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[38]
Shake, Mulleary and Go-ethe	H. C. Bunner	[40]
A Rondelay	Peter A. Motteux	[41]
Winter Dusk	R. K. Munkittrick	[42]
Comic Miseries	John G. Saxe	[42]
Early Rising	John G. Saxe	[44]
To the Pliocene Skull	Bret Harte	[46]
Ode to Work in Springtime	Thomas R. Ybarra	[47]
Old Stuff	Bert Leston Taylor	[48]
To Minerva	Thomas Hood	[49]
The Legend of Heinz Von Stein	Charles Godfrey Leland	[49]
The Truth About Horace	Eugene Field	[50]
Propinquity Needed	Charles Battell Loomis	[51]
In the Catacombs	Harlan Hoge Ballard	[52]
Our Native Birds	Nathan Haskell Dole	[53]
The Prayer of Cyrus Brown	Sam Walter Foss	[54]
Erring in Company	Franklin P. Adams	[55]
Cupid	William Blake	[56]
If We Didn't Have to Eat	Nixon Waterman	[57]
To My Empty Purse	Geoffrey Chaucer	[58]
The Birth of Saint Patrick	Samuel Lover	[58]
Her Little Feet	William Ernest Henley	[59]
School	James Kenneth Stephen	[60]
The Millennium	James Kenneth Stephen	[60]
"Exactly So"	Lady T. Hastings	[61]
Companions	Charles Stuart Calverley	[63]
The Schoolmaster	Charles Stuart Calverley	[64]
A Appeal for Are to the Sextant of the old Brick Meetinouse	Arabella Willson	[66]
Cupid's Darts	Unknown	[67]
A Plea for Trigamy	Owen Seaman	[68]
The Pope	Charles Lever	[70]
All at Sea	Frederick Moxon	[70]
Ballad of the Primitive Jest	Andrew Lang	[72]
Villanelle of Things Amusing	Gelett Burgess	[73]
How to Eat Watermelons	Frank Libby Stanton	[73]
A Vague Story	Walter Parke	[74]
His Mother-in-Law	Walter Parke	[75]
On a Deaf Housekeeper	Unknown	[76]	[Pg xi]
Homœopathic Soup	Unknown	[76]
Some Little Bug	Roy Atwell	[77]
On the Downtown Side of an Uptown Street	William Johnston	[79]
Written After Swimming from Sestos to Abydos	Lord Byron	[80]
The Fisherman's Chant	F. C. Burnand	[81]
Report of an Adjudged Case	William Cowper	[82]
Prehistoric Smith	David Law Proudfit	[83]
Song	George Canning	[84]
Lying	Thomas Moore	[86]
Strictly Germ-Proof	Arthur Guiterman	[87]
The Lay of the Lover's Friend	William B. Aytoun	[88]
Man's Place in Nature	Unknown	[89]
The New Version	W. J. Lampton	[90]
Amazing Facts About Food	Unknown	[91]
Transcendentalism	Unknown	[92]
A "Caudal" Lecture	William Sawyer	[92]
Salad	Sydney Smith	[93]
Nemesis	J. W. Foley	[94]
"Mona Lisa"	John Kendrick Bangs	[95]
The Siege of Djklxprwbz	Eugene Fitch Ware	[96]
Rural Bliss	Anthony C. Deane	[97]
An Old Bachelor	Tudor Jenks	[98]
Song	J. R. Planché	[99]
The Quest of the Purple Cow	Hilda Johnson	[100]
St. Patrick of Ireland, My Dear!	William Maginn	[101]
The Irish Schoolmaster	James A. Sidey	[103]
Reflections on Cleopathera's Needle	Cormac O'Leary	[105]
The Origin of Ireland	Unknown	[106]
As to the Weather	Unknown	[107]
The Twins	Henry S. Leigh	[108]
II: THE ETERNAL FEMININE
He and She	Eugene Fitch Ware	[109]
The Kiss	Tom Masson	[109]
The Courtin'	James Russell Lowell	[110]
Hiram Hover	Bayard Taylor	[113]
Blow Me Eyes!	Wallace Irwin	[115]
First Love	Charles Stuart Calverley	[116]
What Is a Woman Like?	Unknown	[118]
Mis' Smith	Albert Bigelow Paine	[119]
Triolet	Paul T. Gilbert	[120]
Bessie Brown, M.D.	Samuel Minturn Peck	[120]
A Sketch from the Life	Arthur Guiterman	[121]
Minguillo's Kiss	Unknown	[122]
A Kiss in the Rain	Samuel Minturn Peck	[123]
The Love-Knot	Nora Perry	[124]
Over the Way	Mary Mapes Dodge	[125]
Chorus of Women	Aristophanes	[126]
The Widow Malone	Charles Lever	[126]
The Smack in School	William Pitt Palmer	[128]
'Späcially Jim	Bessie Morgan	[129]
Kitty of Coleraine	Edward Lysaght	[130]
Why Don't the Men Propose?	Thomas Haynes Bayly	[130]
A Pin	Ella Wheeler Wilcox	[132]
The Whistler	Unknown	[133]
The Cloud	Oliver Herford	[134]
Constancy	John Boyle O'Reilly	[137]
Ain't it Awful, Mabel?	John Edward Hazzard	[137]
Wing Tee Wee	J. P. Denison	[139]	[Pg xii]
Phyllis Lee	Oliver Herford	[139]
The Sorrows of Werther	W. M. Thackeray	[140]
The Unattainable	Harry Romaine	[141]
Rory O'More; or, Good Omens	Samuel Lover	[141]
A Dialogue from Plato	Austin Dobson	[142]
Dora Versus Rose	Austin Dobson	[144]
Tu Quoque	Austin Dobson	[146]
Nothing to Wear	William Allen Butler	[148]
My Mistress's Boots	Frederick Locker-Lampson	[153]
Mrs. Smith	Frederick Locker-Lampson	[155]
A Terrible Infant	Frederick Locker-Lampson	[156]
Susan	Frederick Locker-Lampson	[157]
"I Didn't Like Him"	Harry B. Smith	[157]
My Angeline	Harry B. Smith	[158]
Nora's Vow	Sir Walter Scott	[159]
Husband and Heathen	Sam Walter Foss	[160]
The Lost Pleiad	Arthur Reed Ropes	[161]
The New Church Organ	Will Carleton	[162]
Larrie O'Dee	William W. Fink	[165]
No Fault in Women	Robert Herrick	[166]
A Cosmopolitan Woman	Unknown	[167]
Courting in Kentucky	Florence E. Pratt	[168]
Any One Will Do	Unknown	[169]
A Bird in the Hand	Frederic E. Weatherly	[170]
The Belle of the Ball	Winthrop Mackworth Praed	[171]
The Retort	George Pope Morris	[174]
Behave Yoursel' Before Folk	Alexander Rodger	[174]
The Chronicle: A Ballad	Abraham Cowley	[176]
Buxom Joan	William Congreve	[179]
Oh, My Geraldine	F. C. Burnand	[180]
The Parterre	E. H. Palmer	[180]
How to Ask and Have	Samuel Lover	[181]
Sally in Our Alley	Henry Carey	[182]
False Love and True Logic	Laman Blanchard	[183]
Pet's Punishment	J. Ashby-Sterry	[184]
Ad Chloen, M.A.	Mortimer Collins	[184]
Chloe, M.A.	Mortimer Collins	[185]
The Fair Millinger	Fred W. Loring	[186]
Two Fishers	Unknown	[188]
Maud	Henry S. Leigh	[188]
Are Women Fair?	Francis Davison	[189]
The Plaidie	Charles Sibley	[190]
Feminine Arithmetic	Charles Graham Halpine	[191]
Lord Guy	George F. Warren	[191]
Sary "Fixes Up" Things	Albert Bigelow Paine	[192]
The Constant Cannibal Maiden	Wallace Irwin	[194]
Widow Bedott to Elder Sniffles	Frances M. Whitcher	[195]
Under the Mistletoe	George Francis Shults	[196]
The Broken Pitcher	William E. Aytoun	[196]
Gifts Returned	Walter Savage Landor	[198]
III: LOVE AND COURTSHIP
Noureddin, the Son of the Shah	Clinton Scollard	[199]
The Usual Way	Frederic E. Weatherly	[200]
The Way to Arcady	H. C. Bunner	[201]
My Love and My Heart	Henry S. Leigh	[204]
Quite by Chance	Frederick Langbridge	[205]
The Nun	Leigh Hunt	[206]
The Chemist to His Love	Unknown	[206]
Categorical Courtship	Unknown	[207]
Lanty Leary	Samuel Lover	[208]	[Pg xiii]
The Secret Combination	Ellis Parker Butler	[209]
Forty Years After	H. H. Porter	[210]
Cupid	Ben Jonson	[211]
Paring-Time Anticipated	William Cowper	[212]
Why	H. P. Stevens	[214]
The Sabine Farmer's Serenade	Father Prout	[214]
I Hae Laid a Herring in Saut	James Tytler	[216]
The Clown's Courtship	Unknown	[217]
Out Upon It	Sir John Suckling	[218]
Love is Like a Dizziness	James Hogg	[218]
The Kitchen Clock	John Vance Cheney	[220]
Lady Mine	H. E. Clarke	[221]
Ballade of the Golfer in Love	Clinton Scollard	[222]
Ballade of Forgotten Loves	Arthur Grissom	[223]
IV: SATIRE
A Ballade of Suicide	G. K. Chesterton	[224]
Finnigan to Flannigan	S. W. Gillinan	[225]
Study of an Elevation in Indian Ink	Rudyard Kipling	[226]
The V-a-s-e	James Jeffrey Roche	[227]
Miniver Cheevy	Edwin Arlington Robinson	[229]
The Recruit	Robert W. Chambers	[230]
Officer Brady	Robert W. Chambers	[232]
Post-Impressionism	Bert Leston Taylor	[235]
To the Portrait of "A Gentleman"	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[236]
Cacoethes Scribendi	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[238]
Contentment	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[238]
A Boston Lullaby	James Jeffrey Roche	[240]
A Grain of Salt	Wallace Irwin	[241]
Song	Richard Lovelace	[241]
A Philosopher	Sam Walter Foss	[242]
The Meeting of the Clabberhuses	Sam Walter Foss	[244]
The Ideal Husband to His Wife	Sam Walter Foss	[246]
Distichs	John Hay	[247]
The Hen-roost Man	Ruth McEnery Stuart	[247]
If They Meant All They Say	Alice Duer Miller	[247]
The Man	Stephen Crane	[248]
A Thought	James Kenneth Stephen	[248]
The Musical Ass	Tomaso de Yriarte	[249]
The Knife-Grinder	George Canning	[249]
St. Anthony's Sermon to the Fishes	Abraham á Sancta-Clara	[251]
The Battle of Blenheim	Robert Southey	[252]
The Three Black Crows	John Byrom	[254]
To the Terrestrial Globe	W. S. Gilbert	[256]
Etiquette	W. S. Gilbert	[256]
A Modest Wit	Selleck Osborn	[260]
The Latest Decalogue	Arthur Hugh Clough	[261]
A Simile	Matthew Prior	[262]
By Parcels Post	George R. Sims	[262]
All's Well That Ends Well	Unknown	[264]
The Contrast	Captain C. Morris	[265]
The Devonshire Lane	John Marriott	[266]
A Splendid Fellow	H. C. Dodge	[267]
If	H. C. Dodge	[268]
Accepted and Will Appear	Parmenas Mix	[268]
The Little Vagabond	William Blake	[269]
Sympathy	Reginald Heber	[270]
The Religion of Hudibras	Samuel Butler	[271]
Holy Willie's Prayer	Robert Burns	[272]
The Learned Negro	Unknown	[274]
True to Poll	F. C. Burnand	[275]	[Pg xiv]
Trust in Women	Unknown	[276]
The Literary Lady	Richard Brinsley Sheridan	[278]
Twelve Articles	Dean Swift	[279]
All-Saints	Edmund Yates	[280]
How to Make a Man of Consequence	Mark Lemon	[280]
On a Magazine Sonnet	Russell Hilliard Loines	[281]
Paradise	George Birdseye	[281]
The Friar of Orders Gray	John O'Keefe	[282]
Of a Certain Man	Sir John Harrington	[282]
Clean Clara	W. B. Rands	[283]
Christmas Chimes	Unknown	[284]
The Ruling Passion	Alexander Pope	[285]
The Pope and the Net	Robert Browning	[286]
The Actor	John Wolcot	[287]
The Lost Spectacles	Unknown	[287]
That Texan Cattle Man	Joaquin Miller	[288]
Fable	Ralph Waldo Emerson	[290]
Hoch! Der Kaiser	Rodney Blake	[291]
What Mr. Robinson Thinks	James Russell Lowell	[292]
The Candidate's Creed	James Russell Lowell	[294]
The Razor Seller	John Wolcot	[297]
The Devil's Walk on Earth	Robert Southey	[298]
Father Molloy	Samuel Lover	[307]
The Owl-Critic	James Thomas Fields	[309]
What Will We Do?	Robert J. Burdette	[311]
Life in Laconics	Mary Mapes Dodge	[311]
On Knowing When to Stop	L. J. Bridgman	[312]
Rev. Gabe Tucker's Remarks	Unknown	[312]
Thursday	Frederic E. Weatherly	[313]
Sky-Making	Mortimer Collins	[314]
The Positivists	Mortimer Collins	[315]
Martial in London	Mortimer Collins	[316]
The Splendid Shilling	John Philips	[316]
After Horace	A. D. Godley	[320]
Of a Precise Tailor	Sir John Harrington	[322]
Money	Jehan du Pontalais	[323]
Boston Nursery Rhymes	Rev. Joseph Cook	[324]
Kentucky Philosophy	Harrison Robertson	[325]
John Grumlie	Allan Cunningham	[326]
A Song of Impossibilities	Winthrop Mackworth Praed	[327]
Song	John Donne	[330]
The Oubit	Charles Kingsley	[330]
Double Ballade of Primitive Man	Andrew Lang	[331]
Phillis's Age	Matthew Prior	[332]
V: CYNICISM
Good and Bad Luck	John Hay	[334]
Bangkolidye	Barry Pain	[334]
Pensées De Noël	A. D. Godley	[336]
A Ballade of an Anti-Puritan	G. K. Chesterton	[337]
Pessimism	Newton Mackintosh	[338]
Cynical Ode to an Ultra-Cynical Public	Charles Mackay	[339]
Youth and Art	Robert Browning	[339]
The Bachelor's Dream	Thomas Hood	[342]
All Things Except Myself I Know	Francois Villon	[343]
The Joys of Marriage	Charles Cotton	[344]
The Third Proposition	Madeline Bridges	[345]
The Ballad of Cassandra Brown	Helen Gray Cone	[345]
What's in a Name?	R. K. Munkittrick	[347]
Too Late	Fits Hugh Ludlow	[348]	[Pg xv]
The Annuity	George Outram	[350]
K. K.—Can't Calculate	Frances M. Whitcher	[353]
Northern Farmer	Lord Tennyson	[354]
Fin de Siècle	Unknown	[357]
Then Ag'in	Sam Walter Foss	[357]
The Pessimist	Ben King	[358]
Without and Within	James Russell Lowell	[359]
Same Old Story	Harry B. Smith	[360]
VI: EPIGRAMS
Woman's Will	John G. Saxe	[362]
Cynicus to W. Shakespeare	James Kenneth Stephen	[362]
Senex to Matt. Prior	James Kenneth Stephen	[362]
To a Blockhead	Alexander Pope	[362]
The Fool and the Poet	Alexander Pope	[363]
A Rhymester	Samuel Taylor Coleridge	[363]
Giles's Hope	Samuel Taylor Coleridge	[363]
Cologne	Samuel Taylor Coleridge	[363]
An Eternal Poem	Samuel Taylor Coleridge	[364]
On a Bad Singer	Samuel Taylor Coleridge	[364]
Job	Samuel Taylor Coleridge	[364]
Reasons for Drinking	Dr. Henry Aldrich	[364]
Smatterers	Samuel Butler	[365]
Hypocrisy	Samuel Butler	[365]
To Doctor Empiric	Ben Jonson	[365]
A Remedy Worse than the Disease	Matthew Prior	[365]
A Wife	Richard Brinsley Sheridan	[366]
The Honey-Moon	Walter Savage Landor	[366]
Dido	Richard Porson	[366]
An Epitaph	George John Cayley	[366]
On Taking a Wife	Thomas Moore	[367]
Upon Being Obliged to Leave a Pleasant Party	Thomas Moore	[367]
Some Ladies	Frederick Locker-Lampson	[367]
On a Sense of Humor	Frederick Locker-Lampson	[367]
On Hearing a Lady Praise a Certain Rev. Doctor's Eyes	George Outram	[368]
Epitaph Intended for His Wife	John Dryden	[368]
To a Capricious Friend	Joseph Addison	[368]
Which is Which	John Byrom	[368]
On a Full-Length Portrait of Beau Marsh	Lord Chesterfield	[369]
On Scotland	Cleveland	[369]
Mendax	Lessing	[369]
To a Slow Walker and Quick Eater	Lessing	[369]
What's My Thought Like?	Thomas Moore	[370]
Of All the Men	Thomas Moore	[370]
On Butler's Monument	Rev. Samuel Wesley	[370]
A Conjugal Conundrum	Unknown	[371]
VII: BURLESQUE
Lovers and a Reflection	Charles Stuart Calverley	[372]
Our Hymn	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[374]
"Soldier, Rest!"	Robert J. Burdette	[374]
Imitation	Anthony C. Deane	[375]
The Mighty Must	W. S. Gilbert	[376]
Midsummer Madness	Unknown	[377]
Mavrone	Arthur Guiterman	[378]	[Pg xvi]
Lilies	Don Marquis	[379]
For I am Sad	Don Marquis	[379]
A Little Swirl of Vers Libre	Thomas R. Ybarra	[380]
Young Lochinvar	Unknown	[381]
Imagiste Love Lines	Unknown	[383]
Bygones	Bert Lesion Taylor	[383]
Justice to Scotland	Unknown	[384]
Lament of the Scotch-Irish Exile	James Jeffrey Roche	[385]
A Song of Sorrow	Charles Battell Loomis	[386]
The Rejected "National Hymns"	Robert H. Newell	[387]
The Editor's Wooing	Robert H. Newell	[389]
The Baby's Debut	James Smith	[390]
The Cantelope	Bayard Taylor	[393]
Never Forget Your Parents	Franklin P. Adams	[394]
A Girl was Too Reckless of Grammar	Guy Wetmore Carryl	[395]
Behold the Deeds!	H. C. Bunner	[397]
Villon's Straight Tip to All Cross Coves	William Ernest Henley	[399]
Culture in the Slums	William Ernest Henley	[400]
The Lawyer's Invocation to Spring	Henry Howard Brownell	[402]
North, East, South, and West	Unknown	[403]
Martin Luther at Potsdam	Barry Pain	[404]
An Idyll of Phatte and Leene	Unknown	[406]
The House that Jack Built	Samuel Taylor Coleridge	[407]
Palabras Grandiosas	Bayard Taylor	[407]
A Love Playnt	Godfrey Turner	[408]
Darwinity	Herman C. Merivale	[409]
Select Passages from a Coming Poet	F. Anstey	[410]
The Romaunt of Humpty Dumpty	Henry S. Leigh	[411]
The Wedding	Thomas Hood, Jr.	[412]
In Memoriam Technicam	Thomas Hood, Jr.	[413]
"Songs Without Words"	Robert J. Burdette	[413]
At the Sign of the Cock	Owen Seaman	[414]
Presto Furioso	Owen Seaman	[417]
To Julia in Shooting Togs	Owen Seaman	[418]
Farewell	Bert Leston Taylor	[419]
Here is the Tale	Anthony C. Deane	[421]
The Willows	Bret Harte	[423]
A Ballad	Guy Wetmore Carryl	[426]
The Translated Way	Franklin P. Adams	[427]
Commonplaces	Rudyard Kipling	[427]
Angelo Orders His Dinner	Bayard Taylor	[428]
The Promissory Note	Bayard Taylor	[429]
Camerados	Bayard Taylor	[430]
The Last Ride Together	James Kenneth Stephen	[431]
Imitation of Walt Whitman	Unknown	[434]
Salad	Mortimer Collins	[436]
If	Mortimer Collins	[436]
The Jabberwocky of Authors	Harry Persons Taber	[437]
The Town of Nice	Herman C. Merivale	[438]
The Willow-Tree	W. M. Thackeray	[439]
A Ballade of Ballade-Mongers	Augustus M. Moore	[441]
VIII: BATHOS
The Confession	Richard Harris Barham ["Thomas Ingoldsby">[	[443]
If You Have Seen	Thomas Moore	[444]
Circumstance	Frederick Locker-Lampson	[444]
Elegy	Arthur Guiterman	[445]	[Pg xvii]
Our Traveler	H. Cholmondeley-Pennell	[445]
Optimism	Newton Mackintosh	[445]
The Declaration	N. P. Willis	[446]
He Came to Pay	Parmenas Mix	[447]
The Forlorn One	Richard Harris Barham ["Thomas Ingoldsby">[	[449]
Rural Raptures	Unknown	[450]
A Fragment	Unknown	[450]
The Bitter Bit	William E. Aytoun	[451]
Comfort in Affliction	William E. Aytoun	[453]
The Husband's Petition	William E. Aytoun	[454]
Lines Written After a Battle	Unknown	[456]
Lines	Unknown	[456]
The Imaginative Crisis	Unknown	[457]
IX: PARODY
The Higher Pantheism in a Nut-Shell	Algernon Charles Swinburne	[458]
Nephelidia	Algernon Charles Swinburne	[459]
Up the Spout	Algernon Charles Swinburne	[460]
In Memoriam	Cuthbert Bede	[463]
Lucy Lake	Newton Mackintosh	[463]
The Cock and the Bull	Charles Stuart Calverley	[464]
Ballad	Charles Stuart Calverley	[467]
Disaster	Charles Stuart Calverley	[469]
Wordsworthian Reminiscence	Unknown	[470]
Inspect Us	Edith Daniell	[471]
The Messed Damozel	Charles Hanson Towne	[471]
A Melton Mowbray Pork-Pie	Richard le Gallienne	[472]
Israfiddlestrings	Unknown	[472]
After Dilettante Concetti	H. D. Traill	[474]
Whenceness of the Which	Unknown	[476]
The Little Star	Unknown	[476]
The Original Lamb	Unknown	[477]
Sainte Margérie	Unknown	[477]
Robert Frost	Louis Untermeyer	[479]
Owen Seaman	Louis Untermeyer	[480]
The Modern Hiawatha	Unknown	[482]
Somewhere-in-Europe-Wocky	F. G. Hartswick	[482]
Rigid Body Sings	J. C. Maxwell	[483]
A Ballad of High Endeavor	Unknown	[484]
Father William	Lewis Carroll	[485]
The Poets at Tea	Barry Pain	[486]
How Often	Ben King	[489]
If I Should Die To-Night	Ben King	[489]
"The Day is Done"	Phoebe Cary	[490]
Jacob	Phoebe Cary	[491]
Ballad of the Canal	Phoebe Cary	[492]
"There's a Bower of Beanvines"	Phoebe Cary	[493]
Reuben	Phoebe Cary	[493]
The Wife	Phoebe Cary	[494]
When Lovely Woman	Phoebe Cary	[494]
John Thomson's Daughter	Phoebe Cary	[494]
A Portrait	John Keats	[496]
Annabel Lee	Stanley Huntley	[497]
Home Sweet Home with Variations	H. C. Bunner	[498]
An Old Song by New Singers	A. C. Wilkie	[506]
More Impressions	Oscuro Wildgoose	[509]
Nursery Rhymes á la Mode	Unknown	[509]
A Maudle-In Ballad	Unknown	[510]	[Pg xviii]
Gillian	Unknown	[511]
Extracts from the Rubaiyat of Omar Cayenne	Gelett Burgess	[512]
Diversions of the Re-Echo Club	Carolyn Wells	[515]
Styx River Anthology	Carolyn Wells	[521]
Answer to Master Wither's Song, "Shall I, Wasting in Despair?"	Ben Jonson	[526]
Song of the Springtide	Unknown	[527]
The Village Choir	Unknown	[528]
My Foe	Unknown	[529]
Nursery Song in Pidgin English	Unknown	[530]
Father William	Unknown	[531]
A Poe-'em of Passion	C. F. Lummis	[532]
How the Daughters Come Down at Dunoon	H. Cholmondeley-Pennell	[533]
To an Importunate Host	Unknown	[534]
Cremation	William Sawyer	[534]
An Imitation of Wordsworth	Catharine M. Fanshawe	[535]
The Lay of the Love-Lorn	Aytoun and Martin	[537]
Only Seven	Henry S. Leigh	[543]
'Twas Ever Thus	Henry S. Leigh	[544]
Foam and Fangs	Walter Parke	[544]
X: NARRATIVE
Little Billee	W. M. Thackeray	[546]
The Crystal Palace	W. M. Thackeray	[547]
The Wofle New Ballad of Jane Roney and Mary Brown	W. M. Thackeray	[552]
King John and the Abbot	Unknown	[554]
On the Death of a Favorite Cat	Thomas Gray	[557]
Misadventures at Margate	Richard Harris Barham ["Thomas Ingoldsby">[	[558]
The Gouty Merchant and the Stranger	Horace Smith	[563]
The Diverting History of John Gilpin	William Cowper	[564]
Paddy O'Rafther	Samuel Lover	[571]
Here She Goes and There She Goes	James Nack	[572]
The Quaker's Meeting	Samuel Lover	[576]
The Jester Condemned to Death	Horace Smith	[578]
The Deacon's Masterpiece	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[580]
The Ballad of the Oysterman	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[583]
The Well of St. Keyne	Robert Southey	[584]
The Jackdaw of Rheims	Richard Harris Barham ["Thomas Ingoldsby">[	[586]
The Knight and the Lady	Richard Harris Barham ["Thomas Ingoldsby">[	[590]
An Eastern Question	H. M. Paull	[598]
My Aunt's Spectre	Mortimer Collins	[600]
Casey at the Bat	Ernest Lawrence Thayer	[601]
The Pied Piper of Hamelin	Robert Browning	[603]
The Goose	Lord Tennyson	[611]
The Ballad of Charity	Charles Godfrey Leland	[613]
The Post Captain	Charles E. Carryl	[615]
Robinson Crusoe's Story	Charles E. Carryl	[617]
Ben Bluff	Thomas Hood	[619]
The Pilgrims and the Peas	John Wolcot	[621]
Tam O'Shanter	Robert Burns	[623]
That Gentleman from Boston Town	Joaquin Miller	[629]
The Yarn of the "Nancy Bell"	W. S. Gilbert	[632]	[Pg xix]
Ferdinando and Elvira	W. S. Gilbert	[635]
Gentle Alice Brown	W. S. Gilbert	[639]
The Story of Prince Agib	W. S. Gilbert	[641]
Sir Guy the Crusader	W. S. Gilbert	[644]
Kitty Wants to Write	Gelett Burgess	[646]
Dighton is Engaged	Gelett Burgess	[647]
Plain Language from Truthful James	Bret Harte	[648]
The Society Upon the Stanisalaus	Bret Harte	[650]
"Jim"	Bret Harte	[652]
William Brown of Oregon	Joaquin Miller	[653]
Little Breeches	John Hay	[657]
The Enchanted Shirt	John Hay	[658]
Jim Bludso	John Hay	[661]
Wreck of the "Julie Plante"	William Henry Drummond	[662]
The Alarmed Skipper	James T. Fields	[664]
The Elderly Gentleman	George Canning	[665]
Saying Not Meaning	William Basil Wake	[666]
Hans Breitmann's Party	Charles Godfrey Leland	[668]
Ballad by Hans Breitmann	Charles Godfrey Leland	[669]
Grampy Sings a Song	Holman F. Day	[670]
The First Banjo	Irwin Russell	[672]
The Romance of the Carpet	Robert J. Burdette	[674]
Hunting of the Snark, The	Lewis Carroll	[676]
The Old Man and Jim	James Whitcomb Riley	[678]
A Sailor's Yarn	James Jeffrey Roche	[680]
The Converted Cannibals	G. E. Farrow	[683]
The Retired Pork-Butcher and the Spook	G. E. Farrow	[685]
Skipper Ireson's Ride	John Greenleaf Whittier	[688]
Darius Green and His Flying-Machine	John Townsend Trowbridge	[690]
A Great Fight	Robert H. Newell	[697]
The Donnybrook Jig	Viscount Dillon	[700]
Unfortunate Miss Bailey	Unknown	[702]
The Laird o' Cockpen	Lady Nairne	[703]
A Wedding	Sir John Suckling	[704]
XI: TRIBUTE
The Ahkond of Swat	Edward Lear	[708]
The Ahkoond of Swat	George Thomas Lanigan	[710]
Dirge of the Moolla of Kotal	George Thomas Lanigan	[712]
The Ballad of Bouillabaisse	W. M. Thackeray	[714]
Ould Doctor Mack	Alfred Perceval Graves	[717]
Father O'Flynn	Alfred Perceval Graves	[719]
The Bald-headed Tyrant	Vandyne, Mary E.	[720]
Barney McGee	Richard Hovey	[721]
Address to the Toothache	Robert Burns	[724]
A Farewell to Tobacco	Charles Lamb	[726]
John Barleycorn	Robert Burns	[730]
Stanzas to Pale Ale	Unknown	[732]
Ode to Tobacco	Charles Stuart Calverley	[732]
Sonnet to a Clam	John G. Saxe	[734]
To a Fly	John Wolcot	[734]
Ode to a Bobtailed Cat	Unknown	[737]
XII: WHIMSEY
An Elegy	Oliver Goldsmith	[740]
Parson Gray	Oliver Goldsmith	[741]
The Irishman and the Lady	William Maginn	[742]	[Pg xx]
The Cataract of Lodore	Robert Southey	[743]
Lay of the Deserted Influenzaed	H. Cholmondeley-Pennell	[746]
Bellagcholly Days	Unknown	[747]
Rhyme of the Rail	John G. Saxe	[748]
Echo	John G. Saxe	[750]
Song	Joseph Addison	[751]
A Gentle Echo on Woman	Dean Swift	[752]
Lay of Ancient Rome	Thomas R. Ybarra	[753]
A New Song	John Gay	[754]
The American Traveller	Robert H. Newell	[757]
The Zealless Xylographer	Mary Mapes Dodge	[759]
The Old Line Fence	A. W. Bellaw	[760]
O-U-G-H	Charles Battell Loomis	[761]
Enigma on the Letter H	Catherine M. Fanshawe	[762]
Travesty of Miss Fanshawe's Enigma	Horace Mayhew	[763]
An Elegy on the Death of a Mad Dog	Oliver Goldsmith	[764]
An Epitaph	Matthew Prior	[765]
Old Grimes	Albert Gorton Greene	[766]
The Endless Song	Ruth McEnery Stuart	[768]
The Hundred Best Books	Mostyn T. Pigott	[769]
The Cosmic Egg	Unknown	[771]
Five Wines	Robert Herrick	[772]
A Rhyme for Musicians	E. Lemke	[772]
My Madeline	Walter Parke	[773]
Susan Simpson	Unknown	[774]
The March to Moscow	Robert Southey	[775]
Half Hours with the Classics	H. J. DeBurgh	[779]
On the Oxford Carrier	John Milton	[780]
Ninety-Nine in the Shade	Rossiter Johnson	[781]
The Triolet	William Ernest Henley	[782]
The Rondeau	Austin Dobson	[782]
Life	Unknown	[783]
Ode to the Human Heart	Laman Blanchard	[784]
A Strike Among the Poets	Unknown	[785]
Whatever Is, Is Right	Laman Blanchard	[786]
Nothing	Richard Porson	[786]
Dirge	Unknown	[787]
O D V	Unknown	[788]
A Man of Words	Unknown	[790]
Similes	Unknown	[791]
No!	Thomas Hood	[792]
Faithless Sally Brown	Thomas Hood	[792]
Tim Turpin	Thomas Hood	[795]
Faithless Nelly Gray	Thomas Hood	[797]
Sally Simpkin's Lament	Thomas Hood	[800]
Death's Ramble	Thomas Hood	[801]
Panegyric on the Ladies	Unknown	[803]
Ambiguous Lines	Unknown	[804]
Surnames	James Smith	[804]
A Ternary of Littles, Upon a Pipkin of Jelly Sent to a Lady	Robert Herrick	[806]
A Carman's Account of a Law Suit	Sir David Lindesay	[807]
Out of Sight, Out of Mind	Barnaby Googe	[807]
Nongtongpaw	Charles Dibdin	[808]
Logical English	Unknown	[809]
Logic	Unknown	[809]
The Careful Penman	Unknown	[810]
Questions with Answers	Unknown	[810]
Conjugal Conjugations	A. W. Bellaw	[810]
Love's Moods and Senses	Unknown	[812]
The Siege of Belgrade	Unknown	[813]	[Pg xxi]
The Happy Man	Gilles Ménage	[814]
The Bells	Unknown	[816]
Takings	Thomas Hood, Jr.	[817]
A Bachelor's Mono-Rhyme	Charles Mackay	[817]
The Art of Bookkeeping	Laman Blanchard	[818]
An Invitation to the Zoological Gardens	Unknown	[822]
A Nocturnal Sketch	Thomas Hood	[823]
Lovelilts	Marion Hill	[824]
Jocosa Lyra	Austin Dobson	[824]
To a Thesaurus	Franklin P. Adams	[825]
The Future of the Classics	Unknown	[826]
Cautionary Verses	Theodore Hook	[828]
The War: A-Z	John R. Edwards	[829]
Lines to Miss Florence Huntingdon	Unknown	[830]
To My Nose	Alfred A. Forrester	[832]
A Polka Lyric	Barclay Philips	[832]
A Catalectic Monody	Unknown	[833]
Ode for a Social Meeting	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[833]
The Jovial Priest's Confession	Leigh Hunt	[834]
Limericks	Carolyn Wells	[835]
XIII: NONSENSE
Lunar Stanzas	Henry Coggswell Knight	[841]
The Whango Tree	Unknown	[842]
Three Children	Unknown	[843]
'Tis Midnight	Unknown	[843]
Cossimbazar	Henry S. Leigh	[843]
An Unexpected Fact	Edward Cannon	[844]
The Cumberbunce	Paul West	[844]
Mr. Finney's Turnip	Unknown	[847]
Nonsense Verses	Charles Lamb	[848]
Like to the Thundering Tone	Bishop Corbet	[848]
Aestivation	Oliver Wendell Holmes	[849]
Uncle Simon and Uncle Jim	Charles Farrar Browne ["Artemus Ward">[	[849]
A Tragic Story	W. M. Thackeray	[850]
Sonnet Found in a Deserted Mad House	Unknown	[851]
The Jim-Jam King of the Jou-Jous	Alaric Bertrand Stuart	[851]
To Marie	John Bennett	[852]
My Dream	Unknown	[853]
The Rollicking Mastodon	Arthur Macy	[853]
The Invisible Bridge	Gelett Burgess	[855]
The Lazy Roof	Gelett Burgess	[855]
My Feet	Gelett Burgess	[855]
Spirk Troll-Derisive	James Whitcomb Riley	[855]
The Man in the Moon	James Whitcomb Riley	[856]
The Lugubrious Whing-Whang	James Whitcomb Riley	[858]
The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo	Edward Lear	[859]
The Jumbles	Edward Lear	[862]
The Pobble Who Has no Toes	Edward Lear	[865]
The New Vestments	Edward Lear	[866]
The Two Old Bachelors	Edward Lear	[868]
Jabberwocky	Lewis Carroll	[869]
Ways and Means	Lewis Carroll	[870]
Humpty Dumpty's Recitation	Lewis Carroll	[872]
Some Hallucinations	Lewis Carroll	[874]
Sing for the Garish Eye	W. S. Gilbert	[875]
The Shipwreck	E. H. Palmer	[876]	[Pg xxii]
Uffia	Harriet R. White	[877]
'Tis Sweet to Roam	Unknown	[878]
Three Jovial Huntsmen	Unknown	[878]
King Arthur	Unknown	[879]
Hyder Iddle	Unknown	[879]
The Ocean Wanderer	Unknown	[879]
Scientific Proof	J. W. Foley	[880]
The Thingumbob	Unknown	[882]
Wonders of Nature	Unknown	[882]
Lines by an Old Fogy	Unknown	[882]
A Country Summer Pastoral	Unknown	[883]
Turvey Top	William Sawyer	[884]
A Ballad of Bedlam	Unknown	[886]
XIV: NATURAL HISTORY
The Fastidious Serpent	Henry Johnstone	[887]
The Legend of the First Cam-u-el	Arthur Guiterman	[888]
Unsatisfied Yearning	R. K. Munkittrick	[889]
Kindly Advice	Unknown	[890]
Kindness to Animals	J. Ashby-Sterry	[891]
To Be or Not To Be	Unknown	[891]
The Hen	Matthew Claudius	[892]
Of Baiting the Lion	Owen Seaman	[893]
The Flamingo	Lewis Gaylord Clark	[894]
Why Doth a Pussy Cat?	Burges Johnson	[895]
The Walrus and the Carpenter	Lewis Carroll	[896]
Nirvana	Unknown	[900]
The Catfish	Oliver Herford	[900]
War Relief	Oliver Herford	[901]
The Owl and the Pussy-Cat	Edward Lear	[901]
Mexican Serenade	Arthur Guiterman	[902]
Orphan Born	Robert J. Burdette	[903]
Divided Destinies	Rudyard Kipling	[904]
The Viper	Hilaire Belloc	[906]
The Llama	Hilaire Belloc	[906]
The Yak	Hilaire Belloc	[906]
The Frog	Hilaire Belloc	[907]
The Microbe	Hilaire Belloc	[907]
The Great Black Crow	Philip James Bailey	[907]
The Colubriad	William Cowper	[909]
The Retired Cat	William Cowper	[910]
A Darwinian Ballad	Unknown	[913]
The Pig	Robert Southey	[914]
A Fish Story	Henry A. Beers	[916]
The Cameronian Cat	Unknown	[917]
The Young Gazelle	Walter Parke	[918]
The Ballad of the Emeu	Bret Harte	[921]
The Turtle and Flamingo	James Thomas Fields	[923]
XV: JUNIORS
Prior to Miss Belle's Appearance	James Whitcomb Riley	[925]
There Was a Little Girl	Unknown	[926]
The Naughty Darkey Boy	Unknown	[927]
Dutch Lullaby	Eugene Field	[928]
The Dinkey-Bird	Eugene Field	[929]
The Little Peach	Eugene Field	[931]
Counsel to Those that Eat	Unknown	[932]
Home and Mother	Mary Mapes Dodge	[932]
Little Orphant Annie	James Whitcomb Riley	[934]	[Pg xxiii]
A Visit From St. Nicholas	Clement Clarke Moore	[935]
A Nursery Legend	Henry S. Leigh	[937]
A Little Goose	Eliza Sproat Turner	[938]
Leedle Yawcob Strauss	Charles Follen Adams	[940]
A Parental Ode to My Son, Aged Three Years and Five Months	Thomas Hood	[941]
Little Mamma	Charles Henry Webb	[943]
The Comical Girl	M. Pelham	[946]
Bunches of Grapes	Walter Ramal	[947]
XVI: IMMORTAL STANZAS
The Purple Cow	Gelett Burgess	[948]
The Young Lady of Niger	Unknown	[948]
The Laughing Willow	Oliver Herford	[948]
Said Opie Reed	Julian Street and James Montgomery Flagg	[948]
Manila	Eugene F. Ware	[949]
On the Aristocracy of Harvard	Dr. Samuel G. Bushnell	[949]
On the Democracy of Yale	Dean Jones	[949]
The Herring	Sir Walter Scott	[949]
If the Man	Samuel Johnson	[949]
The Kilkenny Cats	Unknown	[950]
Poor Dear Grandpapa	D'Arcy W. Thompson	[950]
More Walks	Richard Harris Barham ["Thomas Ingoldsby">[	[950]
Indifference	Unknown	[950]
Madame Sans Souci	Unknown	[950]
A Riddle	Unknown	[951]
If	Unknown	[951]