CHAPTER XVII
During the time of this truce, these four companions, Infeligo, Wagner, Mamri, Simionte, cast how to abuse the great Turk most notably, and Akercocke otherwise called Simionte he would begin first, and lead them the dance. Then he leaves them and gets me up unseen to the Turk’s Camp, and in his Camp to his own Pavilion, and so into the place where the great Infidel himself sat, he being then gone into the Lavatory, which is a place wherein he three times a day doth bathe himself, which by so doing he doth verily believe that all his sins are remitted and washed away, be they never so horrible, Devilish, or wicked, then Akercocke or Simionte, which ye will, goes invisibly into the Lavatory where the great Villain was bathing himself amongst three of his most fair Concubines stark naked, swimming as much in their dalliance as in the water, mingling his washing with kisses and his cleansing with voluptuousness, Akercocke in the shape of a bright Angel appears unto him, and with a proud magnifico presented himself unto the slave, who straightways very reverently fell down upon his knees, and with his hands high lifted up, worshipped towards him in great humility, whilst Akercocke with good devotion fell aboard the Concubines, and there acted them before his face one after another: when he had so done, he takes the great slave by the tip of his picke-devant,[71] and shaking him fiercely (who all this while with great dread and fear lay half astonished and all naked on the ground), told him that he had prepared a more braver place for his so good a servant than so base a bath, and no fairer Concubines. (Now the Turk had seen how like a lusty rank fellow this Simionte had behaved himself, at which he wondered not greatly, because Faustus whom he thought to have been Mahomet, as well as he did think Akercocke, had also shewed the virtue of so great a God as Mahound, twenty times more beauty than Jupiter.) Then the Turkish Emperor with half-dying hollow voice, as if his breath had been almost gone or else but now coming, said that he was all at his commandment, and so followed Simionte stark naked as he was born, who led him by the hand round about, and through every Lane and place of his Camp, to the great wonderment and laughter of his people, who verily thought Mahound had commanded him to do penance before he fought with the Christian Emperor. But for all this the people fell into such laughter that some had well-nigh given up the Ghost at the same instant, divers Christian Nobles saw him all this while, who effusedly laughed at so apparent foolery. The Turk for all this not moved, for indeed he heard all and saw nothing, went about wonderfully mannerly: like as you shall see a Dutch Frow, with a handkerchief in her hand, mince it after ye hopping German. Could a man devise a more notorious kind of abuse, than to make that man which will not be seen but in great secrecy, and abundantly and richly clad, to be not only seen openly but also stark naked, and become their laughing-stocks whose terror he is always, but Akercocke had not yet so left him, but down he runs to Danuby, (where there was ready Mamri or Mephostophiles to receive him), and there having turned himself and the vilest part of himself to the Turk’s mouth, making him kiss and kiss it again, he took him and hurled him violently into the Water, and then Akercocke vanished away.
Footnotes
[71] Peaked beard.