The Mirror of Taste, and Dramatic Censor, Vol. I, No. 4, April 1810

by Unknown

A NEW WAY TO PAY OLD DEBTS.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE.

Lord Lovell.
Sir Giles Overreach.
Justice Greedy.
Wellborn.
Allworth.
Marall.
Order.
Furnace.
Amble.
Tapwell.
Welldo.
Watchall.
Vintner.
Tailor.
Creditors.
Lady Allworth.
Margaret.
Froth.
Bridget.
Barbara.

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ACT I.

SCENE I.—The Outside of a Village Alehouse.

Enter Wellborn, Tapwell, and Froth, from the House.

Wellb. No liquor? nor no credit?
Tap. None, sir, for you;
Not the remainder of a single can,
Left by a drunken porter.
Froth. Not the dropping of the tap for your morning's draught, sir:
'Tis verity, I assure you.
Wellb. Verity, you brach!
The devil turn'd precisian! Rogue, what am I?
Tap. Troth! durst I trust you with a looking-glass,
To let you see your trim shape, you would quit me,
And take the name yourself.
Wellb. How? dog!
Tap. Even so, sir.
And I must tell you, if you but advance a foot,
There dwells, and within call (if it please your worship,)
A potent monarch, call'd the constable,
That does command a citadel, call'd the stocks;
Such as with great dexterity will haul
Your poor tatter'd——
Wellb. Rascal! slave!
Froth. No rage, sir.
Tap. At his own peril! Do not put yourself
In too much heat; there being no water near
To quench your thirst: and sure, for other liquor,
I take it,
You must no more remember; not in a dream, sir.
Wellb. Why, thou unthankful villain, dar'st thou talk thus?
Is not thy house, and all thou hast, my gift?
Tap. I find it not in chalk; and Timothy Tapwell
Does keep no other register.
Wellb. Am not I he
Whose riots fed and cloth'd thee? Wert thou not
Born on my father's land, and proud to be
A drudge in his house?
Tap. What I was, sir, it skills not;
What you are, is apparent. Now, for a farewell:
Since you talk of father, in my hope it will torment you,
I'll briefly tell your story. Your dead father,
My quondam master, was a man of worship;
Old Sir John Wellborn, justice of peace, and quorum;
And stood fair to be custos rotulorum:
Bore the whole sway of the shire; kept a great house:
Reliev'd the poor, and so forth: but he dying,
And the twelve hundred a-year coming to you,
Late Mr. Francis, but now forlorn Wellborn——
Wellb. Slave, stop! or I shall lose myself.
Froth. Very hardly,
You cannot be out of your way.
Tap. But to my story; I shall proceed, sir:
You were then a lord of acres, the prime gallant,
And I your under-butler: note the change now;
You had a merry time of't: Hawks and hounds;
With choice of running horses; mistresses,
And other such extravagancies;
Which your uncle, Sir Giles Overreach, observing,
Resolving not to lose so fair an opportunity,
On foolish mortgages, statutes, and bonds,
For a while supplied your lavishness; and
Having got your land, then left you.
While I, honest Tim Tapwell, with a little stock,
Some forty pounds or so, bought a small cottage;
Humbled myself to marriage with my Froth here;
Gave entertainment——
Wellb. Yes, to whores and pickpockets.
Tap. True; but they brought in profit;
And had a gift to pay what they call'd for;
And stuck not like your mastership. The poor income
I glean'd from them, hath made me, in my parish,
Thought worthy to be scavenger; and, in time,
May rise to be overseer of the poor:
Which if I do, on your petition, Wellborn,
I may allow you thirteen-pence a quarter;
And you shall thank my worship.
Wellb. Thus, you dog-bolt——
And thus—— [Beats him.
Tap. Cry out for help!
Wellb. Stir, and thou diest:
Your potent prince, the constable, shall not save you.
Hear me, ungrateful hell-hound! Did not I
Make purses for you? Then you lick'd my boots
And thought your holiday coat too coarse to clean them.
'Twas I, that when I heard thee swear, if ever
Thou couldst arrive at forty pounds, thou wouldst
Live like an emperor; 'twas I that gave it,
In ready gold. Deny this, wretch!
Tap. I cannot, sir.
Wellb. They are well rewarded
That beggar themselves to make such rascals rich.
Thou viper, thankless viper!
But since you are grown forgetful, I will help
Your memory, and beat thee into remembrance;
Not leave one bone unbroken.
Tap. Oh!
Enter Allworth.
Allw. Hold; for my sake, hold!
Deny me, Frank? they are not worth your anger?
Wellb. For once thou hast redeem'd them from
this sceptre: [Shaking his Cudgel.
But let them vanish;
For if they grumble, I revoke my pardon.
Froth. This comes of your prating, husband! you presum'd
On your ambling wit, and must use your glib tongue,
Though you are beaten lame for't.
Tap. Patience, Froth,
There's no law to cure our bruises.
[They go off into the House.
Wellb. Sent for to your mother?
Allw. My lady, Frank! my patroness! my all!
She's such a mourner for my father's death,
And, in her love to him, so favours me,
That I cannot pay too much observance to her.
There are few such stepdames.
Wellb. 'Tis a noble widow,
And keeps her reputation pure, and clear
From the least taint.
Pr'ythee, tell me
Has she no suitors?
Allw. Even the best of the shire, Frank,
My lord excepted: such as sue, and send,
And send, and sue again; but to no purpose.
Their frequent visits have not gain'd her presence;
Yet, she's so far from sullenness and pride,
That, I dare undertake, you shall meet from her
A liberal entertainment.
Wellb. I doubt it not: but hear me, Allworth,
And take from me good counsel, I am bound to give it.——
Thy father was my friend; and that affection
I bore to him, in right descends to thee:
Thou art a handsome, and a hopeful youth,
Nor will I have the least affront stick on thee,
If I with any danger can prevent it.
Allw. I thank your noble care; but, pray you, in what
Do I run the hazard?
Wellb. Art thou not in love?
Put it not off with wonder.
Allw. In love?
Wellb. You think you walk in clouds, but are transparent.
I have heard all, and the choice that you have made;
And with my finger, can point out the north star,
By which the loadstone of your folly's guided.
And, to confirm this true, what think you of
Fair Margaret, the only child, and heir
Of cormorant Overreach? Dost blush and start,
To hear her only nam'd? Blush at your want
Of wit and reason.
Allw. Howe'er you have discovered my intents,
You know my aims are lawful; and if ever
The queen of flowers, the glory of the Spring,
The sweetest comfort to our smell, the rose,
Sprang from an envious briar, I may infer,
There's such disparity in their conditions,
Between the goddess of my soul, the daughter,
And the base churl her father.
Wellb. Grant this true,
As I believe it; canst thou ever hope
To enjoy a quiet bed with her, whose father
Ruin'd thy state?
Allw. And yours, too.
Wellb. I confess it, Allworth. But,
I must tell you as a friend, and freely,
Where impossibilities are apparent.
Canst thou imagine (let not self-love blind thee)
That Sir Giles Overreach (that, to make her great
In swelling titles, without touch of conscience,
Will cut his neighbour's throat, and, I hope, his own too)
Will e'er consent to make her thine? Give o'er,
And think of some course suitable to thy rank,
And prosper in it.
Allw. You have well advis'd me.
But, in the meantime, you that are so studious
Of my affairs, wholly neglect your own.
Remember yourself, and in what plight you are.
Wellb. No matter! no matter!
Allw. Yes, 'tis much material:
You know my fortune, and my means; yet something
I can spare from myself, to help your wants.
Wellb. How's this?
Allw. Nay, be not angry. There's eight pieces
To put you in better fashion.
Wellb. Money from thee?
From a boy? a dependant? one that lives
At the devotion of a step-mother,
And the uncertain favour of a lord?
I'll eat my arms first. Howsoe'er blind Fortune
Hath spent the utmost of her malice on me;
Though I am thrust out of an alehouse,
And thus accoutred; know not where to eat,
Or drink, or sleep, but underneath this canopy;
Although I thank thee, I disdain thy offer.
And as I, in my madness, broke my state,
Without the assistance of another's brain,
In my right wits I'll piece it. At the worst,
Die thus, and be forgotten. [Exeunt severally.

SCENE II.—A Chamber in Lady Allworth's House.

Enter Furnace, Amble, Order, and Watchall.

Order. Set all things right; or as my name is Order,
Whoever misses in his function,
For one whole week makes forfeiture of his breakfast,
And privilege in the wine-cellar.
Amble. You are merry,
Good master steward.
Fur. Let him; I'll be angry.
Amble. Why, fellow Furnace, 'tis not twelve o'clock yet,
Nor dinner taking up: then 'tis allow'd,
Cooks by their places, may be choleric.
Fur. You think you have spoken wisely, goodman Amble,
My lady's go-before.
Order. Nay, nay, no wrangling.
Fur. Twit me with the authority of the kitchen?
At all hours, and at all places, I'll be angry:
And, thus provok'd, when I am at my prayers
I will be angry.
Amble. There was no hurt meant.
Fur. I am friends with thee, and yet I will be angry.
Order. With whom?
Fur. No matter whom: yet, now I think on't,
I'm angry with my lady.
Amble. Heaven forbid, man!
Order. What cause has she given thee?
Fur. Cause enough, master steward:
I was entertained by her to please her palate;
And, till she foreswore eating, I perform'd it.
Now, since our master, noble Allworth, died,
Though I crack'd my brains to find out tempting sauces,
And raise fortifications in the pastry,
When I am three parts roasted,
And the fourth part parboil'd, to prepare her viands,
She keeps her chamber, dines with a panada,
Or water-gruel, my skill never thought on.
Order. But your art is seen in the dining room.
Fur. By whom?
By such as pretend to love her; but come
To feed upon her. Yet, of all the harpies
That do devour her, I am out of charity
With none so much, as the thin-gutted squire,
That's stolen into commission.
Order. Justice Greedy?
Fur. The same, the same. Meat's cast away upon him;
It never thrives. He holds this paradox,
Who eats not well, can ne'er do justice well.
His stomach's as insatiate as the grave.
Watch. One knocks.

[Allworth knocks, and enters.

Order. Our late young master.
Amble. Welcome, sir.
Fur. Your hand—
If you have a stomach, a cold bake-meat's ready.
We are all your servants.
All. At once, my thanks to all:
This is yet some comfort. Is my lady stirring?

Enter Lady Allworth.

Order. Her presence answers for us.
Lady A. Sort those silks well.
I'll take the air alone.
Fur. You air, and air;
But will never taste but spoon meat more:
To what use serve I?
Lady A. Pr'ythee, be not angry,
I shall, ere long: i'th' mean time, there
Is gold for thee.
Fur. I am appeas'd—and Furnace now grows cold.
Lady A. And, as I gave directions, if this morning
I am visited by any, entertain them
As heretofore: but say, in my excuse,
I am indispos'd.
Order. I shall, madam.
Lady A. Do, and leave me.

[Exeunt Order, Amble, Watchall and Furnace.

Nay, stay you, Allworth.
Allw. I shall gladly grow here,
To wait on your commands.
Lady A. So soon turn'd courtier?
Allw. Style not that courtship, madam, which is duty,
Purchased on your part.
Lady A. Well, you shall o'ercome;
I'll not contend in words. How is it
With your noble master?
Allw. Ever like himself.
No scruple lessen'd in the full weight of honour:
He did command me (pardon my presumption),
As his unworthy deputy,
To kiss your ladyship's fair hands.
Lady A. I am honour'd in
His favour to me. Does he hold his purpose
For the Low Countries?
Allw. Constantly, good madam:
But he will, in person, first present his service.
Lady A. And how approve you of his course? You are yet
Like virgin parchment, capable of any
Inscription, vitious or honourable.
I will not force your will, but leave you free
To your own election.
Allw. Any form you please
I will put on: but might I make my choice,
With humble emulation, I would follow
The path my lord marks to me.
Lady A. 'Tis well answer'd,
And I commend your spirit: you had a father,
(Bless'd be his memory) that some few hours
Before the will of Heaven took him from me,
Did commend you, by the dearest ties
Of perfect love between us, to my charge:
And, therefore, what I speak, you are bound to hear
With such respect, as if he liv'd in me.
Allw. I have found you,
Most honour'd madam, the best mother to me;
And with my utmost strength of care and service,
Will labour that you never may repent
Your bounties shower'd upon me.
Lady A. I much hope it.
These were your father's words: If e'er my son
Follow the war, tell him it is a school
Where all the principles tending to honour
Are taught, if truly follow'd: But for such
As repair thither, as a place in which
They do presume, they may with license practise
Their lusts and riots, they shall never merit
The noble name of soldiers. To dare boldly
In a fair cause, and for the country's safety,
To run upon the cannon's mouth undaunted;
To obey their leaders, and shun mutinies;
To bear with patience the winter's cold,
And summer's scorching heat—
Are the essential parts make up a soldier;
Not swearing, dice, or drinking.
Allw. There's no syllable
You speak, but it is to me an oracle;
Which but to doubt were impious.
Lady A. To conclude—
Beware ill company; for, often, men
Are like to those with whom they do converse:
And from one man I warn you, and that's Wellborn:
Not cause he's poor, that rather claims your pity;
But that he's in his manners so debauch'd,
And hath to vitious courses sold himself.
'Tis true your father lov'd him, while he was
Worthy the loving; but, if he had liv'd
To have seen him as he is, he had cast him off,
As you must do.
Allw. I shall obey in all things.
Lady A. Follow me to my chamber; you shall have gold
To furnish you like my son, and still supplied
As I hear from you. [Exeunt.

SCENE III.—A Hall in Lady Allworth's House.

Enter Overreach, Greedy, Order, Amble, Furnace, Watchall, and Marall.

Greedy. Not to be seen?
Sir G. Still cloister'd up?—Her reason,
I hope, assures her, though she makes herself
Close prisoner for ever for her husband's loss,
'Twill not recover him.
Order. Sir, it is her will:
Which we, that are her servants, ought to serve,
And not dispute. Howe'er, you are nobly welcome:
And if you please to stay, that you may think so,
There came, not six days since, from Hull, a pipe
Of rich Canary; which shall spend itself
For my lady's honour.
Greedy. Is it of the right race?
Order. Yes, Mr. Greedy.
Amble. How his mouth runs o'er!
Fur. I'll make it run, and run. 'Save your good worship!
Greedy. Honest Mr. Cook, thy hand; again!—How I love thee!
Are the good dishes still in being? speak, boy.
Fur. If you have a mind to feed there is a chine
Of beef, well season'd.
Greedy. Good.
Fur. A pheasant larded—
Greedy. That I might now give thanks for't!
Fur. Other kickshaws.
Besides, there came last night, from the forest of Sherwood,
The fattest stag I ever cook'd.
Greedy. A stag, man?
Fur. A stag, sir; part of it is prepar'd for dinner,
And bak'd in puff-paste.
Greedy. Puff-paste too, Sir Giles!
A ponderous chine of beef! a pheasant larded!
And red deer too, Sir Giles, and bak'd in puff-paste!
All business set aside, let us give thanks here.
Sir G. You know, we cannot.
Mar. Your worships are to sit on a commission,
And if you fail to come, you lose the cause.
Greedy Cause me no causes: I'll prove't, for such a dinner,
We may put off a commission; you shall find it
Henrici decimo quarto.
Sir G. Fie, Mr. Greedy!
Will you lose me a thousand pounds for a dinner?
No more, for shame! We must forget the belly,
When we think of profit.
Greedy Well, you shall o'er-rule me.
I could even cry now. Do you hear, Mr. Cook?
Send but a corner of that immortal pasty;
And I, in thankfulness, will, by your boy,
Send you a brace of three-pences.
Fur. Will you be so prodigal?
Sir G. Remember me to your lady.

Enter Wellborn.

Who have we here?
Wellb. Don't you know me?
Sir G. I did once, but now I will not;
Thou art no blood of mine. Avaunt, thou beggar!
If ever thou presume to own me more,
I'll have thee cag'd and whipt.
Greedy. I'll grant the warrant. [Exit Marall.
I do love thee, Furnace,
E'en as I do malmsey in a morning.
Think of pye-corner, Furnace!

[Exeunt Sir Giles and Greedy.

Watch. Will you out, sir?
I wonder how you durst creep in.
Order. This is rudeness,
And saucy impudence.
Amble. Cannot you stay
To be serv'd among your fellows from the basket,
But you must press into the hall?
Fur. Pr'ythee, vanish
Into some outhouse, though it be the pigsty;
My scullion shall come to thee.
Enter Allworth.
Wellb. This is rare:
Oh, here is Tom Allworth! Tom!
Allw. We must be strangers;
Nor would I have seen you here for a million.
[Exit.
Wellb. Better and better. He contemns me too.
Enter Woman and Chambermaid.
Woman. Oh! what a smell's here? What thing is this?
Cham. Oh! a filthy creature!
Let us hence, for love's sake, or I shall swoon!
Woman. I begin to faint, too. [Exeunt.
Watch. Will you know your way?
Amble. Or shall we teach it you,
By the head and shoulders?
Wellb. No; I will not stir:
Do you mark, I will not. Let me see the wretch
That dares attempt to force me. Why, you slaves
Created only to make legs, and cringe;
To carry in a dish, and shift a trencher;
That have not souls to hope a blessing
Beyond your master's leavings; you that were born
Only to consume meat and drink;
Who advances? Who shows me the way?
Order. Here comes my lady.
Enter Lady Allworth.
Lady A. What noise is this?
Wellb. Madam, my designs bear me to you.
Lady A. To me?
Wellb. And though I have met with
But ragged entertainment from your groom here,
I hope from you to receive that noble usage,
As may become the true friend of your husband;
And then I shall forget these.
Lady A. I am amaz'd,
To see and hear this rudeness. Dar'st thou think,
Though sworn, that it can ever find belief,
That I, who to the best men of this country
Denied my presence since my husband's death,
Can fall so low as to change words with thee?
Wellb. Scorn me not, good lady;
But, as in form you are angelical,
Imitate the heavenly natures, and vouchsafe
At least awhile to hear me. You will grant,
The blood that runs in this arm is as noble
As that which fills your veins; your swelling titles,
Equipage and fortune; your men's observance,
And women's flattery, are in you no virtues;
Nor these rags, with my poverty, in me vices.
You have a fair fame, and, I know, deserve it;
Yet, lady, I must say, in nothing more
Than in the pious sorrow you have shown
For your late noble husband.
Order. How she starts!
Wellb. That husband, madam, was once in his fortune,
Almost as low as I. Want, debts, and quarrels,
Lay heavy on him: let it not be thought
A boast in me, though I say, I reliev'd him.
'Twas I that gave him fashion; mine the sword
That did on all occasions second his;
I brought him on and off with honour, lady:
And when in all men's judgments he was sunk,
And in his own hopes not to be buoyed up;
I stepp'd unto him, took him by the hand,
And brought him to the shore.
Fur. Are not we base rogues
That could forget this?
Wellb. I confess you made him
Master of your estate; nor could your friends.
Though he brought no wealth with him, blame you for't:
For he had a shape, and to that shape a mind
Made up of all parts, either great or noble,
So winning a behaviour, not to be
Resisted, madam.
Lady A. 'Tis most true, he had.
Wellb. For his sake then, in that I was his friend,
Do not contemn me.
Lady A. For what's past excuse me;
I will redeem it.
Order, give this gentleman an hundred pounds.
Wellb. Madam, on no terms:
I will not beg nor borrow sixpence of you;
But be supplied elsewhere, or want thus ever.
Only one suit I make, which you deny not
To strangers; and 'tis this: pray give me leave.
[Whispers to her.
Order. [Aside.] What means this, I trow?
Fur. Mischief to us, if he has malice
To return our favour to him.
Order. Be still, and let us mark.
Lady A. Fie, nothing else?
Wellb. Nothing; unless you please to charge your servants
To throw away a little respect upon me.
Lady A. What you demand is yours.
If you have said all,
When you please you may retire.
Wellb. I thank you, lady.
[Exit Lady Allworth.
Now what can be wrought out of such a suit,
Is yet in supposition. [Servants bow,] Nay, all's forgotten, all
forgiven.
All. Good, dear, sweet, merry Mr. Wellborn!
Exit Servants.
Wellb. 'Faith, a right worthy and a liberal lady,
Who can, at once, so kindly meet my purposes,
And brave the flouts of censure, to redeem
Her husband's friend! When, by this honest plot,
The world believes she means to heal my wants
With her extensive wealth, each noisy creditor
Will be struck mute, and I be left at large
To practise on my uncle Overreach;
Whose foul, rapacious spirit, (on the hearing
Of my encouragement from this rich lady,)
Again will court me to his house and patronage.
Here I may work the measure to redeem
My mortgag'd fortune, which he stripped me of,
When youth and dissipation quell'd my reason.
The fancy pleases—if the plot succeed,
'Tis a new way to pay old debts indeed!

[Exit.

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ACT II.

SCENE I.—Sir Giles's House.

Enter Sir Giles Overreach and Marall.

Sir G. He's gone, I warrant thee; this commission crush'd him.
Mar. Your worship has the way on't, and ne'er miss
To squeeze these unthrifts into air; and yet
The chap-fallen justice did his part, returning
For your advantage the certificate,
Against his conscience and his knowledge too;
(With your good favour) to the utter ruin
Of the poor farmer.
Sir G. 'Twas for these good ends
I made him a justice. He, that bribes his belly,
Is certain to command his soul.
Mar. I wonder.
Why, your worship having
The power to put this thin-gut in commission,
You are not in't yourself.
Sir G. Thou art a fool:
In being out of office, I am out of danger;
Where, if I were a justice, besides the trouble,
I might, or out of wilfulness, or error,
Run myself finely into a præmunire:
And so become a prey to the informer.
No, I'll have none of't: 'tis enough I keep
Greedy at my devotion: so he serve
My purposes, let him hang, or damn, I care not;
Friendship is but a word.
Mar. You are all wisdom.
Sir G. I would be worldly wise; for the other wisdom,
That does prescribe us a well-govern'd life,
And to do right to others, as ourselves,
I value not an atom.
Mar. What course take you,
(With your good patience) to hedge in the manor
Of your neighbour, Mr. Frugal? As 'tis said,
He will not sell, nor borrow, nor exchange;
And his land lying in the midst of your many lordships,
Is a foul blemish.
Sir. G. I have thought on't, Marall;
And it shall take. I must have all men sellers,
And I the only purchaser.
Mar. 'Tis most fit, sir.
Sir G. I'll, therefore, buy some cottage near his manor;
Which done, I'll make my men break ope' his fences,
Ride o'er his standing corn, and in the night
Set fire to his barns, or break his cattle's legs.
These trespasses draw on suits, and suits, expenses;
Which I can spare, but will soon beggar him.
When I have hurried him thus, two or three years,
Though he was sue forma pauperis, in spite
Of all his thrift and care, he'll grow behind hand.
Mar. The best I ever heard! I could adore you!
Sir G. Then, with the favour of my man of law,
I will pretend some title; want will force him
To put it to arbitrement; then, if he sell
For half the value, he shall have ready money,
And I possess the land.
Mar. Wellborn was apt to sell, and needed not
These fine arts, sir, to hook him in.
Sir G. Well thought on.
This varlet, Wellborn, lives too long, to upbraid me
With my close cheat put upon him. Will nor cold
Nor hunger kill him?
Mar. I know not what to think on't.
I have us'd all means; and the last night I caus'd
His host, the tapster, to turn him out of doors;
And have been since with all your friends and tenants,
And on the forfeit of your favour, charg'd them,
Tho' a crust of mouldy bread would keep him from starving,
Yet they should not relieve him.
Sir G. That was something, Marall, but thou must go farther;
And suddenly, Marall.
Mar. Where, and when you please, sir.
Sir G. I would have thee seek him out; and, if thou canst,
Persuade him, that 'tis better steal, than beg;
Then, if I prove he has but robb'd a henroost,
Not all the world shall save him from the gallows.
Do anything to work him to despair,
And 'tis thy masterpiece.
Mar. I will do my best, sir.
Sir G. I am now on my main work, with the Lord Lovell;
The gallant-minded, popular Lord Lovell,
The minion of the people's love. I hear
He's come into the country; and my aims are
To insinuate myself into his knowledge,
And then invite him to my house.
Mar. I have you.
This points at my young mistress.
Sir G. She must part with
That humble title, and write honourable;
Right honourable, Marall; my right honourable daughter;
If all I have, or e'er shall get, will do it.
I will have her well attended; there are ladies
Of errant knights decay'd, and brought so low,
That, for cast clothes, and meat, will gladly serve her.
And 'tis my glory, though I come from the city,
To have their issue, whom I have undone,
To kneel to mine, as bond slaves.
Mar. 'Tis fit state, sir.
Sir G. And, therefore, I'll not have a chambermaid
That ties her shoes, or any meaner office,
But such, whose fathers were right worshipful.
'Tis a rich man's pride! there having ever been
More than a feud, a strange antipathy,
Between us, and true gentry.
Enter Wellborn.
Mar. See! who's here, sir?
Sir G. Hence, monster! prodigy!
Wellb. Call me what you will, I am your nephew, sir.
Sir G. Avoid my sight! thy breath's infectious, rogue!
I shun thee as a leprosy, or the plague.
Come hither, Marall, this is the time to work him.
Mar. I warrant you, sir.
[Exit Sir Giles Overreach.
Wellb. By this light, I think he's mad.
Mar. Mad! had you took compassion on yourself,
You long since had been mad.
Wellb. You have took a course,
Between you and my venerable uncle,
To make me so.
Mar. The more pale-spirited you,
That would not be instructed. I swear deeply.
Wellb. By what?
Mar. By my religion.
Wellb. Thy religion!
The devil's creed: but what would you have done?
Mar. Before, like you, I had outliv'd my fortunes,
A withe had serv'd my turn to hang myself.
I am zealous in your cause: 'pray you, hang yourself;
And presently, as you love your credit.
Wellb. I thank you.
Mar. Will you stay till you die in a ditch?
Or, if you dare not do the fate yourself,
But that you'll put the state to charge and trouble,
Is there no purse to be cut? house to be broken?
Or market-woman, with eggs, that you may murder,
And so despatch the business?
Wellb. Here's variety,
I must confess; but I'll accept of none
Of all your gentle offers, I assure you.
Mar. If you like not hanging, drown yourself; take some course
For your reputation.
Wellb. 'Twill not do, dear tempter,
With all the rhetoric the fiend hath taught you.
I am as far as thou art from despair.
Nay, I have confidence, which is more than hope,
To live, and suddenly, better than ever.
Mar. Ha! ha! these castles you build in the air
Will not persuade me, or to give, or lend
A token to you.
Wellb. I'll be more kind to thee.
Come, thou shalt dine with me.
Mar. With you?
Wellb. Nay, more, dine gratis.
Mar. Under what hedge, I pray you? or, at whose cost?
Are they padders, or gipsies, that are your consorts?
Wellb. Thou art incredulous; but thou shalt dine,
Not alone at her house, but with a gallant lady;
With me, and with a lady.
Mar. Lady! what lady?
With the lady of the lake, or queen of fairies?
For I know it must be an enchanted dinner.
Wellb. With the Lady Allworth, knave.
Mar. Nay, now there's hope
Thy brain is crack'd.
Wellb. Mark there, with what respect
I am entertain'd.
Mar. With choice, no doubt, of dog-whips.
Why, dost thou ever hope to pass her porter?
Wellb. 'Tis not far off, go with me: trust thine own eyes.
Mar. Troth, in my hope, or my assurance, rather,
To see thee curvet, and mount like a dog in a blanket,
If ever thou presume to pass her threshold,
I will endure thy company.
Wellb. Come along. [Exeunt.

SCENE II.—A Hall in Lady Allworth's House.

Enter Allworth, Order, Amble, and Watchall.

Allw. Your courtesies overwhelm me: I much grieve
To part from this house, and yet, I find comfort;
My attendance on my honourable lord,
Whose resolution holds to visit my lady,
Will speedily bring me back.

[Knocking at the Gate. Marall and Wellborn within.

Mar. Dar'st thou venture farther?
Wellb. Yes, yes, and knock again.
Order. 'Tis he; disperse; 'tis Mr. Wellborn.
Fur. I know my cue, ne'er doubt me.
[Exeunt Amble and Furnice.
Enter Marall and Wellborn.
Order. You were long since expected.
Most welcome, sir.
Wellb. Say so much
To my friend, I pray you.
Order. For your sake, I will, sir. [Exit.
Mar. For his sake!
Wellb. Mum! this is nothing.
Mar. More than ever
I would have believed, though I had found it in my primer.
Allw. When I have given you reasons for my late harshness,
You'll pardon, and excuse me: for, believe me;
Tho' now I part abruptly in my service,
I will deserve it.
Mar. Service! with a vengeance!
Wellb. I am satisfied: farewell, Tom.
Allw. All joy stay with you.
[Exit Allworth.
Enter Amble.
Amble. You are happily encounter'd: I never yet
Presented one so welcome, as I know
You will be to my lady.
Mar. This is some vision;
Or, sure, these men are mad, to worship a dung-hill;
It cannot be a truth.
Wellb. Be still a pagan,
An unbelieving infidel; be so, miscreant,
And meditate on blankets, and on dog-whips.
Enter Furnace.
Fur. I am glad you are come; until I know your pleasure,
I knew not how to serve up my lady's dinner.
Mar. His pleasure! is it possible? [Aside.
Wellb. What's thy will?
Fur. Marry, sir, I have some growse and turkey chicken,
Some rails and quails; and my lady will'd me to ask you,
What kind of sauces best affect your palate,
That I may use my utmost skill to please it.
Mar. The devil's enter'd this cook: sauce for his palate!
That on my knowledge, for a most this twelve-month,
Durst wish but cheese-parings, and brown bread on Sundays.
Wellb. That way I like them best.
Fur. It shall be done, sir. [Exit Furnace.
Wellb. What think you of the hedge we shall dine under?
Shall we feed gratis?
Mar. I know not what to think:
Pray you, make me not mad.
Enter Order.
Order. This place becomes you not:
'Pray you, walk sir, to the dining room.
Wellb. I am well here,
Till her ladyship quits her chamber.
Mar. Well here, say you!
'Tis a rare change! but yesterday, you thought
Yourself well in a barn, wrapp'd up in pease-straw.
Enter Woman and Chambermaid.
Wom. O sir, you are wish'd for.
Chamb. My lady dreamt, sir, of you.
Wom. And the first command she gave
After she rose, was to give her notice
When you approached here.
Order. Sir, my lady.
Exit.
Enter Lady Allworth.—Salutes him.
Lady A. I come to meet you, and languished till I saw you.
This first kiss for form: I allow a second,
As token of my friendship.
Mar. Heaven bless me!
Wellb. I am wholly yours; yet, madam, if you please
To grace this gentleman with a salute——
Mar. Salute me at his bidding!
Wellb. I shall receive it
As a most high favour. [To Marall.
Lady A. Sir, your friends are welcome to me.
Wellb. Run backward from a lady! and such a lady!
Mar. To kiss her foot, is to poor me, a favour
I am unworthy of. [Offers to kiss her Foot.
Lady A. Nay, pray you rise;
And since you are so humble, I'll exalt you:
You shall dine with me to-day at mine own table.
Mar. Your ladyship's table! I am not good enough
To sit at your steward's.
Lady A. You are too modest:
I will not be denied.
Enter Order.
Order. Dinner is ready for your ladyship.
Lady A. Your arm, Mr. Wellborn:
Nay, keep us company.
Mar. I was never so grac'd. Mercy on me!

[Exeunt Wellborn, Lady Allworth, Amble, and Marall.

Enter Furnace.

Order. So, we have play'd our parts, and are come off well.
But if I know the mystery, why my lady
Consented to it, or why Mr. Wellborn
Desir'd it, may I perish!
Fur. 'Would I had
The roasting of his heart, that cheated him,
And forces the poor gentleman to these shifts!
Of all the griping and extorting tyrants
I ever heard or read of, I never met
A match to Sir Giles Overreach.
Watch. What will you take
To tell him so, fellow Furnace?
Fur. Just as much
As my throat is worth, for that would be the price on't.
To have a usurer that starves himself,
And wears a cloak of one and twenty years
On a suit of fourteen groats, bought of the hangman,
To grow rich, is too common:
But this Sir Giles feeds high, keeps many servants,
Who must at his command do any outrage;
Rich in his habit; vast in his expenses;
Yet he to admiration still increases
In wealth and lordships.
Order. He frights men out of their estates,
And breaks through all law-nets, made to curb ill men,
As they were cobwebs. No man dares reprove him.
Such a spirit to dare, and power to do, were never
Lodg'd so unluckily.
Enter Amble.
Amble. Ha! ha! I shall burst.
Order. Contain thyself, man.
Fur. Or make us partakers
Of your sudden mirth.
Amble. Ha! ha! my lady has got
Such a guest at her table, this term-driver, Marall,
This snip of an attorney.
Fur. What of him, man?
Amble. The knave stinks, and feeds so slovenly!
Fur. Is this all?
Amble. My lady
Drank to him for fashion's sake, or to please Mr. Wellborn,
As I live, he rises, and takes up a dish,
In which there were some remnants of a boil'd capon,
And pledges her in white broth.
And when I brought him wine,
He leaves his chair, and after a leg or two,
Most humbly thanks my worship.
Order. Rose already!
Amble. I shall be chid.

Enter Lady Allworth, Wellborn, and Marall.

Fur. My lady frowns.
Lady A. You attended us well.
Let me have no more of this: I observ'd your leering.
Sirrah, I'll have you know, whom I think worthy
To sit at my table, be he ne'er so mean,
When I am present, is not your companion.
Order. Nay, she'll preserve what's due to her.
Lady A. You are master
Of your own will. I know so much of manners
As not to inquire your purposes; in a word,
To me you are ever welcome, as to a house
That is your own.
Wellb. Mark that.
Mar. With reverence, sir,
And it like your worship.
Wellb. Trouble yourself no farther,
Dear madam; my heart's full of zeal and service.
However in my language I am sparing.
Come, Mr. Marall.
Mar. I attend your worship.
[Exeunt Wellborn and Marall.
Lady A. I see in your looks you are sorry, and you know me
An easy mistress: be merry! I have forgot all.
Order and Furnace, come with me; I must give you
Farther directions. [Exit.
Order. What you please.
Fur. We are ready. [Exeunt.

SCENE III.—The Country.

Enter Wellborn and Marall.

Wellb. I think I am in a good way.
Mar. Good sir, the best way;
The certain best way.
Wellb. There are casualties
That men are subject to.
Mar. You are above 'em:
As you are already worshipful,
I hope, ere long, you will increase in worship,
And be right worshipful.
Wellb. Pr'thee do not flout me,
What I shall be, I shall be. Is't for your ease,
You keep your hat off.
Mar. Ease, and it like your worship!
I hope Jack Marall shall not live so long,
To prove himself such an unmannerly beast,
Though it hail hazel nuts, as to be covered,
When your worship's present.
Wellb. Is not this a true rogue, [Aside.
That out of mere hope of a future coz'nage
Can turn thus suddenly? 'tis rank already.
Mar. I know your worship's wise, and needs no counsel:
Yet if in my desire to do you service,
I humbly offer my advice (but still
Under correction), I hope I shall not
Incur your high displeasure.
Wellb. No; speak freely.
Mar. Then in my judgment, sir, my simple judgment,
(Still with your worship's favour) I could wish you
A better habit, for this cannot be
But much distasteful to the noble lady
That loves you: I have twenty pounds here,
Which, out of my true love, I presently
Lay down at your worship's feet; 'twill serve to buy you
A riding suit.
Wellb. But Where's the horse?
Mar. My gelding
Is at your service: nay, you shall ride me,
Before your worship shall be put to the trouble
To walk a-foot. Alas! when you are lord
Of this lady's manor (as I know you will be),
You may with the lease of glebe land,
Requite your vassal.
Wellb. I thank thy love; but must make no use of it.
What's twenty pounds?
Mar. 'Tis all that I can make, sir.
Wellb. Dost thou think, though I want clothes, I could not have 'em,
For one word to my lady?
Mar. As I know not that—
Wellb. Come, I'll tell thee a secret, and so leave thee.
I'll not give her the advantage, tho' she be
A gallant-minded lady, after we are married
To hit me in the teeth, and say she was forc'd
To buy my wedding clothes,
Or took me with a plain suit, and an ambling nag,
No, I'll be furnish'd something like myself.
And so farewell; for thy suit touching the glebe land,
When it is mine, 'tis thine.
Mar. I thank your worship. [Exit Wellborn.
How was I cozen'd in the calculation
Of this man's fortune! my master cozen'd too,
Whose pupil I am in the art of undoing men;
For that is our profession. Well, well, Mr. Wellborn,
You are of a sweet nature, and fit again to be cheated:
Which, if the fates please, when you are possess'd
Of the land and lady, you, sans question, shall be.
I'll presently think of the means.
[Walks by, musing.
Enter Sir Giles Overreach.
Sir G. Sirrah, take my horse;
I'll walk to get me an appetite. 'Tis but a mile;
And exercise will keep me from being pursy.
Ha! Marall! is he conjuring? Perhaps
The knave has wrought the prodigal to do
Some outrage on himself, and now he feels
Compunction in his conscience for't: no matter,
So it be done. Marall!
Mar. Sir!
Sir G. How succeed we
In our plot on Wellborn?
Mar. Never better, sir.
Sir G. Has he hang'd, or drown'd himself?
Mar. No sir, he lives,
Lives once more to be made a prey to you:
And greater prey than ever.
Sir G. Art thou in thy wits?
If thou art, reveal this miracle, and briefly.
Mar. A lady, sir, has fall'n in love with him.
Sir G. With him! What lady?
Mar. The rich Lady Allworth.
Sir G. Thou dolt! how darst thou speak this?
Mar. I speak true;
And I do so but once a year: unless
It be to you, sir. We din'd with her ladyship:
I thank his worship.
Sir G. His worship!
Mar. As I live, sir,
I din'd with him, at the great lady's table,
Simple as I stand here; and saw when she kiss'd him;
And, at his request, welcom'd me too.
Sir G. Why, thou rascal,
To tell me these impossibilities:
Dine at her table! and kiss him!
Impudent varlet! Have not I myself,
To whom great countesses' doors have oft flown open,
Ten times attempted, since her husband's death,
In vain to see her, tho' I came—a suitor?
And yet your good solicitorship, and rogue Wellborn,
Were brought into her presence, feasted with her.
But that I know thee a dog that cannot blush,
This most incredible lie would call up one into
Thy cheeks.
Mar. Shall I not trust my eyes, sir?
Or taste? I feel her good cheer in my belly.
Sir G. You shall feel me, if you give not over, sirrah!
Recover your brains again, and be no more gull'd
With a beggar's plot, assisted by the aids
Of serving men; and chambermaids; for, beyond these,
Thou never saw'st a woman; or, I'll quit you
From my employments.
Mar. Will you credit this, yet?
On my confidence of their marriage, I offered Wellborn
(I would give a crown now, I durst say his worship [Aside.
My nag, and twenty pounds.
Sir G. Did you so? [Strikes him down.
Was this the way to work him to despair,
Or rather to cross me?
Mar. Will your worship kill me?
Sir G. No, no; but drive the lying spirit out of you.
Mar. He's gone.
Sir G. I have done, then. Now forgetting
Your late imaginary feast and lady,
Know, my Lord Lovell dines with me tomorrow:
Be careful, not be wanting to receive him;
And bid my daughter's women trim her up,
Tho' they paint her, so she catch the lord, I'll thank 'em.
There's a piece for my late blows.
Mar. I must yet suffer:
But there may be a time— [Aside.
Sir G. Do you grumble?
Mar. O no, sir. [Exeunt.

---

ACT. III.

SCENE I.—The Country.

Enter Lovell and Allworth.

Lov. Drive the carriage down the hill: something in private
I must impart to Allworth.
Allw. O, my lord!
What sacrifice of reverence, duty, watching;
Although I could put off the use of sleep,
And ever wait on your commands to serve 'em.
What danger, tho' in ne'er so horrid shapes,
Nay death itself, though I should run to meet it,
Can I, and with a thankful willingness, suffer:
But still the retribution will fall short
Of your bounties shower'd upon me.
Lov. Loving youth,
Till what I purpose be put into act,
Do not o'erprize it: since you have trusted me
With your soul's nearest, nay, her dearest secret,
Rest confident, 'tis in a cabinet lock'd,
Treachery shall never open. I have found you
More zealous in your love and service to me
Than I have been in my rewards.
Allw. Still great ones,
Above my merit. You have been
More like a father to me than a master.
'Pray you pardon the comparison.
Lov. I allow it;
And give you assurance I'm pleas'd in't.
My carriage and demeanour to your mistress.
Fair Margaret shall truly witness for me,
I can command my passion.
Allw. 'Tis a conquest
Few lords can boast of when they are tempted—Oh!
Lov. So young, and jealous!
Allw. Were you to encounter with a single foe,
The victory were certain: but to stand
The charge of two such potent enemies,
At once assaulting you, as wealth and beauty,
And those two seconded with power, is odds
Too great for Hurcules.
Hippolitus himself would leave Diana,
To follow such a Venus.
Lov. Love hath made you
Poetical, Allworth.
How far is it
To Overreach's?
Allw. At the most, some half hour's riding;
You'll soon be there.
Lov. And you the sooner freed
From your jealous fears.
Allw. Oh that I durst but hope it! [Exeunt.

SCENE II.—A Hall in Sir Giles's house.

Enter Sir Giles Overreach, Greedy and Marall.

Sir G. Spare for no cost, let my dressers crack with the weight
Of curious viands.
Greedy. Store indeed's no sore, sir.
Sir G. That proverb fits your stomach, Mr. Greedy.
Greedy. It does indeed, Sir Giles.
I do not like to see a table ill spread,
Poor, meager, just sprinkled o'er with salads,
Slic'd beef, giblets, and pigs' pettitoes.
But the substantials—Oh! Sir Giles the substantials!
The state of a fat Turkey now,
The decorum, the grandeur he marches in with.
Then his sauce, with oranges and onions,
O, I declare, I do much honour a chine of beef!
O lord! I do reverence a loin of veal!
Sir G. You shall have your will, Mr. Greedy.
And let no plate be seen, but what's pure gold,
Or such, whose workmanship exceeds the matter
That it is made of; let my choicest linen
Perfume the room; and when we wash, the water
With precious powders mix, to please my lord,
That he may with envy wish to bathe so ever.
Mar. 'Twill be very chargeable.
Sir G. Avaunt, you drudge!
Now all my labour'd ends are at the stake,
Is't time to think of thrift? Call in my daughter.
Exit Marall.
And, master of justice, since you love choice dishes,
And plenty of 'em——
Greedy. As I do indeed, sir.
Almost as much as to give thanks for 'em—
Sir G. I do confer that province, with my power
Of absolute command, to have abundance,
To your best care.
Greedy. I'll punctually discharge it,
And give the best direction. [Sir Giles retires.]—Now am I,
In mine own conceit, a monarch, at the least,
Arch president of the boil'd, the roast, the baked;
I would not change my empire for the great Mogul's,
Mercy on me, how I lack food! my belly
Is grown together like an empty satchell.
What an excellent thing did Heaven bestow on man,
When she did give him a good stomach!
It is of all blessings much the greatest.
I will eat often and give thanks
When my belly's brac'd up like a drum, and that's pure justice.
Exit.
Sir G. It must be so. Should the foolish girl prove modest,
She may spoil all; she had it not from me,
But from her mother: I was ever forward,
As she must be, and therefore I'll prepare her. Margaret!
Enter Margaret.
Marg. Your pleasure, sir?
Sir G. Ha! this is a neat dressing!
These orient pearls, and diamonds well plac'd too!
The gown affects me not; it should have been
Embroider'd o'er and o'er with flowers of gold;
But these rich jewels and quaint fashion help it.
How like you your new woman, the Lady Downfall'n!
Marg. Well for a companion:
Not as a servant.
Sir G. Is she humble, Meg?
And careful too, her ladyship forgotten?
Marg. I pity her fortune.
Sir G. Pity her! trample on her.
I took her up in an old tatter'd gown
(E'en starv'd for want of food), to serve thee;
And if I understand she but repines
To do thee any duty, though ne'er so servile,
I'll pack her to her knight, where I have lodg'd him,
In the country, and there let them howl together.
Marg. You know your own ways; but for me, I blush
When I command her that was once attended
With persons not inferior to myself
In birth.
Sir G. In birth! Why, art thou not my daughter,
The blest child of my industry and wealth?
Why, foolish girl, was't not to make thee great,
That I have run, and still pursue those ways
That hale down curses on me, which I mind not?
Part with these humble thoughts, and apt thyself
To the noble state I labour to advance thee;
Or, by my hopes to see thee honourable,
I will adopt a stranger to my heir,
And throw thee from my care; do not provoke me.
Marg. I will not, sir; mould me which way
you please.
Enter Greedy.
Sir G. How! interrupted?
Greedy. 'Tis matter of importance.
The cook, sir, is self-will'd, and will not learn
From my experience. There's a fawn brought in, sir,
And for my life, I cannot make him roast it
With a Norfolk dumpling in the belly of it:
And, sir, we wise men know, without the dumpling
'Tis not worth three pence.
Sir G. 'Would it were whole in thy belly,
To stuff it out; cook it any way—pr'ythee, leave me.
Greedy. Without order for the dumpling?
Sir. G. Let it be dumpled
Which way thou wilt: or, tell him I will scald him
In his own cauldron.
Greedy. I had lost my stomach,
Had I lost my mistress's dumpling; I'll give ye thanks for't.
Exit.
Sir G. But to our business, Meg; you have heard who dines here?
Marg. I have, sir.
Sir G. 'Tis an honourable man.
A lord, Meg, and commands a regiment
Of soldiers; and what's rare, is one himself;
A bold and understanding one; and to be
A lord, and a good leader in one volume,
Is granted unto few, but such as rise up,
The kingdom's glory.
Enter Greedy.
Greedy. I'll resign my office,
If I be not better obey'd.
Sir G. 'Slight, art thou frantic?
Greedy. Frantic! 'twould make me frantic and stark mad,
Were I not a justice of peace and quorum too,
Which this rebellious cook cares not a straw for.
There are a dozen of woodcocks,
For which he has found out
A new device for sauce, and will not dish 'em
With toast and butter.
Sir G. Cook, rogue, obey him.
I have given the word, pray you, now, remove yourself
To a collar of brawn, and trouble me no farther.
Greedy. I will; and meditate what to eat at dinner,
For my guts have been in the kitchen this half hour. [Exit.
Sir G. And, as I said, Meg, when this gull disturb'd us,
This honourable lord, this colonel,
I would have thy husband.
Marg. There's too much disparity
Between his quality and mine, to hope it.
Sir G. I more than hope it, and doubt not to effect it.
Be thou no enemy to thyself; my wealth
Shall weigh his titles down, and make you equals.
Now for the means to assure him thine, observe me;
Remember he's a courtier, and a soldier,
And not to be trifled with; and therefore, when
He comes to woo you, see you do not coy it.
This mincing modesty hath spoil'd many a match
By a first refusal, in vain after hop't for.
Marg. You'll have me, sir, preserve the distance that
Confines a virgin?
Sir G. Virgin me no virgins.
I will have you lose that name, or you lose me;
I will have you private; start not, I say, private.
Marg. Though you can dispense
With your honour, I must guard my own.
This is not the way to make me his wife.
My modest breeding yielded up so soon,
Cannot but assure him,
I, that am light to him, will not hold weight
When tempted by others: so in judgment,
When to his will I have given up my honour,
He must, and will, forsake me.
Sir G. How! forsake thee?
Do I wear a sword for fashion? or is this arm
Shrunk up, or wither'd? Does there live a man
Of that large list I have encounter'd with,
Can truly say I e'er gave inch of ground,
Not purchas'd with his blood that did oppose me?
Forsake thee when the thing is done! he dares not.
Though all his captains, echoes to his will,
Stood arm'd by his side, to justify the wrong,
Spite of his lordship, I will make him render
A bloody and a strict account; and force him,
By marrying thee, to cure thy wounded honour;
I have said it.
Enter Marall.
Mar. Sir, the man of honour's come,
Newly alighted.
Sir G. In, without reply,
And do as I command, or thou art lost.
Exit Margaret.
Is the loud music, I gave order for,
Ready to receive him?
Mar. 'Tis, sir.
Sir G. Let 'em sound
A princely welcome. [Exit Marall.) Roughness awhile leave me;
For fawning now, a stranger to my nature,
Must make way for me.
Enter Lovell, Allworth, Marall, and Greedy.
Lov. Sir, you meet your trouble.
Sir G. What you are pleased to style so is an honour
Above my worth and fortunes.
Allw. Strange! so humble.
Sir G. A justice of peace, my lord.
[Presents Greedy to him.
Lov. Your hand, good sir.
Greedy. This is a lord; and some think this is a favour;
But I had rather have my hand in my dumpling. [Aside.
Sir G. Room for my lord.
Lov. I miss, sir, your fair daughter,
To crown my welcome.
Sir G. May it please my lord
To taste a glass of Greek wine first; and suddenly
She shall attend my lord.
Lov. You'll be obey'd, sir.
[Exeunt all but Sir Giles.
Sir G. 'Tis to my wish; as soon as come, ask for her!
Why, Meg! Meg Overreach!
Enter Margaret.
How! Tears in your eyes?
Hah! dry 'em quickly, or I'll dig 'em out.
Is this a time to whimper? Meet that greatness
That flies into thy bosom; think what tis
For me to say, my honourable daughter:
No more but be instructed, or expect—
He comes.
Enter Lovell and Greedy.
A black-brow'd girl, my lord.
Lov. As I live, a rare one!
Sir G. That kiss
Came twanging off, I like it: quit the room.
Exit Greedy.
A little bashful, my good lord: but you,
I hope, will teach her boldness.
Lov. I am happy
In such a scholar: but——
Sir G. I am past learning,
And therefore leave you to yourselves: remember—
Exit Sir Giles.
Lov. You see, fair lady, your father is solicitous
To have you change the barren name of virgin
Into a hopeful wife.
Marg. His haste, my lord,
Holds no power o'er my will.
Lov. But o'er your duty——
Marg. Which forc'd too much may break.
Lov. Bend rather, sweetest:
Think of your years.
Marg. Too few to match with yours:
Lov. Do you think I am old?
Marg. I am sure, I am too young.
Lov. I can advance you.
Marg. To a hill of sorrow;
Where every hour I may expect to fall,
But never hope firm footing. You are noble;
I of low descent, however rich.
O my good lord, I could say more, but that
I dare not trust these walls.
Lov. 'Pray you, trust my ear, then.
Enter Sir Giles Overreach, listening.
Sir G. Close at it! whispering! this is excellent!
And, by their postures, a consent on both parts.
Enter Greedy.
Greedy. Sir Giles! Sir Giles!
Sir G. The great fiend stop that clapper!
Greedy. It must ring out, sir, when my belly rings noon.
The bak'd meats are ran out, the roast turn'd powder.
Sir G. Stop your insatiate jaws, or
I shall powder you.
Greedy. Beat me to dust, I care not;
In such a cause as this I'll die martyr.
Sir G. Disturb my lord, when he is in discourse?
Greedy. Is't a time to talk
When we should have been munching?
Sir G. Peace, villain! peace! shall we break a bargain
Almost made up? Vanish I say.
Thrusts Greedy off.
Lov. Lady, I understand you: Overreach.
Rest most happy in your choice. Believe it,
I'll be a careful pilot to direct
Your yet uncertain bark to a port of safety.
Marg. So shall your honour save two lives, and bind us
Your slaves forever.
Lov. I am in the act rewarded,
Since it is good; howe'er you must put on
An amorous carriage towards me, to delude
Your subtle father.
Marg. I am bound to that.
Lov. Now break off our conference,—Sir Giles
Where is Sir Giles?

Enter Sir Giles Overreach, Greedy, Allworth, and Marall.

Sir G. My noble lord; and how
Does your lordship find her?
Lov. Apt, Sir Giles, and coming,
And I like her the better.
Sir G. So do I too.
Lov. Yet, should we take forts at the first assault,
'Twere poor in the defendant. I must confirm her?
With a love-letter or two, which I must have
Deliver'd by my page, and you give way to't.
Sir G. With all my soul.—A towardly gentleman!
Your hand, good Mr. Allworth; know my house
Is ever open to you.
Allw. 'Twas still shut till now. [Aside.
Sir G. Well done, well done, my honourable daughter,
Thou'rt so already: know this gentle youth,
And cherish him, my honourable daughter.
Sir G. What noise?
Greedy. More stops
Before we go to dinner! O my guts!
Enter Lady Allworth and Wellborn.
Lady. A. If I find welcome,
You share in it; if not, I'll back again,
Now I know your ends! for I come arm'd for all
Can be objected.
Lov. How! the Lady Allworth?
Sir G. And thus attended!
Mar. No, I am a dolt;
the spirit of lies had entered me!
Lovell salutes Lady Allworth, who salutes Margaret.
Sir G. Peace, patch,
'Tis more than wonder, an astonishment
That does possess me wholly.
Lov. Noble Lady,
This is a favour to prevent my visit,
The service of my life can never equal.
Lady A. My lord, I laid wait for you, and much hop'd
You would have made my poor house your first inn:
And therefore, doubting that you might forget me,
Or too long dwell here, having such ample cause,
In this unequal beauty, for your stay;
And fearing to trust any but myself
With the relation of my service to you,
I borrow'd so much from my long restraint,
And took the air in person to invite you.
Lov. Your bounties are so great, they rob me, madam,
Of words to give you thanks.
Lady A. Good Sir Giles Overreach! [Salutes him.
How dost thou, Marall? Lik'd you my meat so ill,
You'll dine no more with me?
Greedy. I will when you please,
And it like your ladyship.
Lady A. When you please, Mr. Greedy;
If meat can do it, you shall be satisfied;
And now, my lord, pray take into your knowledge
This gentleman; howe'er his outside's coarse,
Presents Wellborn.
His inward linings are as fine and fair
As any man's. Wonder not I speak at large:
And howsoe'er his humour carries him
To be thus accoutr'd; or what taint soe'er,
For his wild life has stuck upon his fame;
He may, ere long, with boldness rank himself
With some that have condemn'd him. Sir Giles Overreach,
If I am Welcome, bid him so.
Sir G. My nephew!
He hath been too long a stranger: 'faith you have.
Pray let it be mended.
[Lovell conferring with Wellborn.
Mar. Why, sir, what do you mean?
This is rogue Wellborn, monster, prodigy,
That should hang or drown himself, no man of worship,
Much less your nephew.
Sir G. Well, sirrah, we shall reckon
For this hereafter.
Mar. I'll not lose my jeer,
Though I be beaten dead for it.
Wellb. Let my silence plead
In my excuse, my lord, till better leisure
Offer itself, to hear a full relation
Of my poor fortunes.
Lov. I would hear and help them. [Bell rings.
Sir G. Your dinner waits you.
Lov. 'Pray you, lead, we follow.
Lady A. Nay, you are my guest? Come, dear
Mr. Wellborn. [Exeunt all but Greedy.
Greedy. Dear Mr. Wellborn! so she said; Heav'n! aven!
If my belly would give me leave, I could ruminate
All day on this: I have granted twenty warrants
To have him committed, from all prisons in the shire,
To Nottingham jail! and now, dear Mr. Wellborn!
And my good nephew!—But I play the fool
To stand here prating, and forget my dinner.
Enter Marall.
Are they set, Marall?
Mar. Long since; pray you a word, sir.
Greedy. No wording now.
Mar. In troth, I must: my master,
Knowing you are his good friend, makes bold with you,
And does entreat you, more guests being come in
Than he expected, especially his nephew,
The table being too full, you would excuse him,
And sup with him on the cold meat.
Greedy. How! no dinner
After all my care?
Mar. 'Tis but a penance for
A meal; besides, you have broke your fast.
Greedy. That was
But a bit to stay my stomach. A man in commission
Give place to a tatterdemallion!
Mar. No big words, sir.
Should his worship hear you——
Greedy. Loose my dumpling too;
And butter'd toasts and woodcocks?
Mar. Come, have patience,
If you will dispense a little with your justiceship,
And sit with the waiting woman, you'll have dumpling,
Woodcock, and butter'd toasts too.
Greedy. This revives me:
I will gorge there sufficiently.

Enter Sir Giles Overreach, as from dinner.

Sir G. She's caught! O woman! she neglect my lord,
And all her compliments apply to Wellborn!
The garment of her widowhood laid by,
She now appears as glorious as the spring.
Her eyes fix'd on him; in the wine she drinks,
He being her pledge, she sends him burning kisses,
She leaves my meat to feed upon his looks;
And, if in our discourse he be but nam'd,
From her a deep sigh follows. But why grieve I
At this? It makes for me; if she prove his,
All that is hers, is mine, as I will work him.
Enter Marall.
Mar. Sir, the whole board is troubled at your rising.
Sir G. No matter, I'll excuse it; pr'ythee, Marall,
watch an occasion to invite my nephew
To speak with me in private.
Mar. Who, the rogue,
The lady scorn'd to look on?
Sir G. Hold your peace!
My good lord,
Excuse my manners.

Enter Lovell, Margaret, and Allworth.

Lov. There needs none, Sir Giles;
I may ere long say father, when it please
My dearest mistress to give warrant to it.
Sir G. She shall seal to it my lord, and make me happy.
Marg. My lady—
Enter Wellborn and Lady Allworth.
Lady A. My thanks, Sir Giles,
for my entertainment.
Sir G. 'Tis your nobleness
To think it such.
Lady A. I must do you a farther wrong,
In taking away your honourable guest.
Lov. I wait on you, madam: farewell good Sir Giles.
Lady A. Nay, come, Mr. Wellborn,
I must not leave you behind, in sooth, I must not.
Sir G. Rob me not, madam, of all joys at once.
Let my nephew stay behind: he shall have my coach,
And, after some small conference between us,
Soon overtake your ladyship.
Lady A. Stay not long, sir.
Lov. You shall every day hear from me,
By my faithful page. [To Margaret.
Allw.'Tis a service I am proud of.

[Exeunt Lovell, Lady Allworth, Allworth, and Marall.

Sir G. Daughter, to your chamber.
[Exit Margaret.
You may wonder, nephew,
After so long an enmity between us,
I shall desire your friendship.
Wellb. So I do, sir:
Tis strange to me.
Sir G. But I'll make it no wonder;
And, what is more, unfold my nature to you.
We worldly men, when we see friends and kinsmen,
Past hope, sunk in their fortunes, lend no hand
To lift 'em up, but rather set our feet
Upon their heads, to press 'em to the bottom;
As I must yield, with you I practis'd it:
But now I see you in a way to rise,
I can and will, assist you. This rich lady
(And I am glad of't) is enamour'd of you.
Wellb. No such thing:
Compassion, rather, sir.
Sir G. Well, in a word,
Because your stay is short, I'll have you seen
No more in this base shape; nor shall she say,
She married you like a beggar, or in debt.
Wellb. He'll run into the noose, and save my labour! [Aside.
Sir G. You have a trunk of rich clothes, not far hence,
In pawn; I will redeem 'em: and, that no clamour
May taint your credit for your debts,
You shall have a thousand pounds to cut 'em off,
And go a freeman to the wealthy lady.
Wellb. This done, sir, out of love, and no ends else—
Sir G. As it is, nephew.
Wellb. Binds me still your servant.
Sir G. No compliments; you are staid for: ere you've supp'd,
You shall hear from me. My coach, knaves! for my nephew:
Tomorrow I will visit you.
Wellb. Here's an uncle
In a man's extremes? how much they do belie you,
That say you are hard hearted!
Sir G. My deeds, nephew,
Shall speak my love; what men report, I weigh not.

[Exeunt.

---

ACT IV.

SCENE I—A Chamber in Lady Allworth's House.

Lovell and Allworth discovered.

Lov. 'Tis well. I now discharge you
From farther service. Mind your own affairs;
I hope they will prove successful.
Allw. What is blest
With your good wish, my lord, cannot but prosper.
Let after-times report, and to your honour,
How much I stand engag'd; for I want language
To speak my debt: yet if a tear or two
Of joy, for your much goodness, can supply
My tongue's defects, I could——
Lov. Nay, do not melt:
This ceremonial of thanks to me's superfluous.
Sir G. [Within.] Is my lord stirring?
Lov. 'Tis he! Oh, here's your letter; let him in.

Enter Sir Giles, Greedy, and Marall.

Sir G. A good day to my lord.
Lov. You are an early riser, Sir Giles.
Sir G. And reason, to attend to your lordship.
Lov. And you too, Mr. Greedy, up so soon?
Greedy. In troth, my lord, after the sun is up
I cannot sleep; for I have a foolish stomach,
That croaks for breakfast. With your lordship's favour,
I have a serious question to demand
Of my worthy friend, Sir Giles.
Lov. Pray you, use your pleasure.
Greedy. How far, Sir Giles, and 'pray you, answer me
Upon your credit, hold you it to be,
From your manor-house, to this of my Lady Allworth's?
Sir G. Why, some four miles.
Greedy. How! four miles, good Sir Giles?
Upon your reputation think better;
For four miles riding
Could not have rais'd so huge an appetite
As I feel gnawing on me.
Mar. Whether you ride
Or go a-foot, you are that way still provided,
And it please your worship.
Sir G. How now, sirrah! prating
Before my lord! no difference? go to my nephew,
See all his debts discharged, and help his worship
To fit on his rich suit.
Mar. I may fit you too. [Exit Marall.
Lov. I have writ this morning
A few lines to my mistress, your fair daughter.
Sir G. Twill fire her, for she's wholly yours already.
Sweet Mr. Allworth, take my ring; 'twill carry
To her presence, I warrant you; and there plead
For my good lord, if you shall find occasion.
That done, pray ride to Nottingham; get a license,
Still, by this token. I'll have it despatch'd,
And suddenly, my lord: that I may say,
My honourable, nay, right honourable daughter.
Greedy. Take my advice, young gentleman; get your breakfast.
'Tis unwholesome to ride fasting. I'll eat with you;
And that abundantly.
Sir G. Some fury's in that gut:
Hungry again? Did you not devour this morning
A shield of brawn, and a barrel of Colchester oysters?
Greedy. Why, that was, sir, only to scour my stomach,
A kind of preparative.
I am no camelion, to feed on air; but love
To see the board well spread,
Groaning under the heavy burden of the beast
That cheweth the cud, and the fowl
That cleaveth the air. Come, young gentleman,
I will not have you feed alone, while I am here.
Lov. Haste your return.
Allw. I will not fail, my lord.
Greedy. Nor I, to line
My Christmas coffer.
[Exeunt Greedy and Allworth.
Sir G. To my wish, we're private,
I come not to make offer with my daughter
A certain portion; that were poor and trivial:
In one word, I pronounce all that is mine,
In lands, or leases, ready coin, or goods,
With her, my lord, comes to you; nor shall you have
One motive to induce you to believe
I live too long, since every year I'll add
Something unto the heap, which shall be yours too.
Lov. You are a right kind father.
Sir G. You shall have reason
To think me such. How do you like this seat?
It is well wooded, and well water'd, the acres
Fertile and rich; would it not serve for change,
To entertain your friends in a summer's progress?
What thinks my noble lord?
Lov. 'Tis a wholesome air,
And well built; and she, that's mistress of it,
Worthy the large revenue.
Sir G. She the mistress?
It may be so for a time; but let my lord
Say only, that he but like it, and would have it,
I say, ere long 'tis his.
Lov. Impossible!
Sir G. You do conclude too fast, not knowing me,
Nor the engines that I work by. 'Tis not alone
The lady Allworth's lands; for those, once Wellborn's
(As by her dotage on him I know they will be,)
Shall soon be mine. But point out any man's
In all the shire, and say they lie convenient,
And useful for your lordship, and once more
I say aloud, they are yours.
Lov. I dare not own
What's by unjust and cruel means extorted.
My fame and credit are more dear to me,
Than to expose 'em to be censur'd by
The public voice.
Sir G. You run, my lord, no hazard;
Your reputation, shall stand as fair
In all good men's opinions, as now:
Nor can my actions, though condemned for ill,
Cast any foul aspersion upon yours.
For though I do contemn report myself,
As a mere sound; I still will be so tender
Of what concerns you in all points of honour,
That the immaculate whiteness of your fame,
Nor your unquestioned integrity,
Shall e'er be sullied with one taint or spot;
All my ambition is to have my daughter
Right honourable, which my lord can make her:
And might I live to dance upon my knee
A young Lord Lovell, born by her unto you,
I write nil ultra to my proudest hopes.
Lov. Are you not frightened with the imprecations
And curses of whole families, made wretched
By such practices?
Sir G. Yes, as rocks are,
When foamy billows split themselves against
Their flinty ribs; or as the moon is mov'd,
When wolves, with hunger pin'd, howl at her brightness.
I am of a solid temper, and like these
Steer on a constant course: with mine own sword,
If called into the field, I can make that right,
Which fearful enemies murmur'd at as wrong.
Nay, when my ears are pierc'd with widow's cries.
And undone orphans wash with tears my threshold,
I only think what 'tis, to have my daughter
Right Honourable; and 'tis a powerful charm,
Makes me insensible of remorse, or pity,
Or the least sting of conscience.
In one word, therefore,
Is it a match my lord?
Lov. I hope that is past doubt now.
Sir G. Then rest secure; not the hate of all mankind here,
Nor fear of what can fall on me hereafter,
Shall make me study aught but your advancement
One story higher. An earl! if gold can do it.
Dispute not my religion, nor my faith,
Though I am borne thus headlong to my will;
You may make choice of what belief you please,
To me thy are equal; so, my lord, good morrow.
[Exit.
Lov. He's gone; I wonder how the earth can bear
Such a monster! I, that have liv'd a soldier,
And stood the enemy's violent charge undaunted,
To hear this horrid beast, I'm bath'd all over
In a cold sweat; yet, like a mountain, he
Is no more shaken than Olympus is,
When angry Boreas loads his double head
With sudden drifts of snow.
Enter Lady Allworth.
Lady A. 'Save you, my lord.
Disturb I not your privacy?
Lov. No, good madam;
For your own sake, I am glad you came no sooner.
Since this bold, bad man, Sir Giles Overreach,
Made such a plain discovery of himself,
And read this morning such a devilish mattins.
That I should think it a sin, next to his,
But to repeat it.
Lady A. I ne'er press'd, my lord,
On others privacies; yet, against my will,
Walking, for health's sake, in the gallery
Adjoining to our lodgings, I was made
(So loud and vehement he was) partaker
Of his tempting offers. But,
My good lord, If I may use my freedom,
As to an honour'd friend——
Lov. You lessen else
Your favour to me.
Lady A. I dare then say thus:
(However common men
Make sordid wealth the object and sole end
Of their industrious aims), 'twill not agree
With those of noble blood, of fame and honour.
Lov. Madam, 'tis confess'd;
But what infer you from it?
Lady A. This, my lord: I allow
The heir of Sir Giles Overreach, Margaret,
A maid well qualified, and the richest match
Our north part can boast of; yet she cannot,
With all she brings with her fill their mouths,
That never will forget who was her father;
Or that my husband Allworth's lands, and Wellborn's,
(How wrung from both needs no repetition,)
Were real motives, that more work'd your lordship
To join your families, than her form and virtues.
You may conceive the rest.
Lov. I do, sweet madam;
And long since have consider'd it.
And this my resolution, mark me, madam;
Were Overreach's 'states thrice centupled; his daughter
Millions of degrees much fairer than she is,
I would not so adulterate my blood
By marrying Margaret. In my own tomb
I will inter my name first.
Lady A. Why then, my lord, pretend you marriage to her?
Dissimulation but ties false knots
On that straight line, by which you hitherto
Have measured all your actions.
Lov. I make answer,
And aptly, with a question. Wherefore have you,
That since your husband's death have liv'd a strict
And chaste nun's life, on the sudden given yourself
To visits and entertainments? Think you, madam,
'Tis not grown public conference? or the favours
Which you too prodigally have thrown on Wellborn,
Incur not censure?
Lady A. I am innocent here; and, on my life, I swear
My ends are good.
Lov. On my soul, so are mine
To Margaret; but leave both to the event:
And now this friendly privacy does serve
But as an offer'd means unto ourselves
To search each other farther; you have shown
Your care of me, I my respect to you.
Deny me not, but still in chaste words, madam,
An afternoon's discourse.
Lady A. Affected modesty might deny your suit,
But such your honour; I accept it, lord.
My tongue unworthy can't belie my heart.
I shall attend your lordship. [Exeunt.

SCENE II.—A Landscape before Tapwell's House.

Enter Tapwell and Froth.

Tap. Undone, undone! this was your counsel, Froth.
Froth. Mine! I defy thee: did not Master Marall
(He has marr'd all, I am sure) strictly command us
(On pain of Sir Giles Overreach's displeasure)
To turn the gentleman out of doors?
Tap. 'Tis true;
But now he's his uncle's darling, and has got
Master Justice Greedy (since he fill'd his belly)
At his commandment to do any thing;
Wo, wo to us.
Froth. He may prove merciful.
Tap. Troth, we do not deserve it at his hands.
Though he knew all the passages of our house,
As the receiving of stolen goods;
When he was rogue Wellborn, no man would believe him,
And then his information could not hurt us:
But now he is right worshipful again.
Who dares but doubt his testimony? Methinks
I see thee, Froth, already in a cart,
And my hand hissing (if I 'scape the halter)
With the letter R printed upon it.
Froth. 'Would that were the worst!
That were but nine days wonder: as for credit,
We have none to loose; but we shall lose the money
He owes us, and his custom; there's the worst on't.
Tap. He has summon'd all his creditors by the drum,
And they swarm about him like so many soldiers
On the pay day; and has found such a new way
To pay his old debts, as, 'tis very likely,
He shall be chronicled for it.
Froth. He deserves it
More than ten pageants. But are you sure his worship
Comes this way to my lady's?
[A Cry Within, Brave Mr. Wellborn!]
Tap. Yes, I hear him.
Froth. Be ready with your petition, and present it
To his good grace.

Enter Wellborn, in a rich Habit; Greedy, Marall, Amble, Order, Furnace, and Three Creditors; Tapwell, kneeling, delivers his Bill of Debt.

Wellb. How's this! petitioned too?
But note what miracles the payment of
A little trash, and a rich suit of clothes,
Can work upon these rascals. I shall be,
I think, Prince Wellborn.
Mar. When your worship's married,
You may be—I know what I hope to see you.
Wellb. Then look thou for advancement.
Mar. To be known
Your worship's bailiff, is the mark I shoot at.
Wellb. And thou shalt hit it.
Mar. Pray you, sir, despatch,
And for my admittance.

[In this Interim, Tapwell and Froth flattering and bribing Justice Greedy.

(Provided you'll defend me from Sir Giles,
Whose service I am weary of) I'll say something
You shall give thanks for.
Wellb. Fear him not.
Greedy. Who, Tapwell? I remember thy wife brought me
Last new year's tide, a couple of fat turkeys.
Tap. And shall do every Christmas, let your worship
But stand my friend now.
Greedy. How! with Mr. Wellborn?
I can do any thing with him, on such terms——
See you this honest couple? they are good souls
As ever drew out spigot; have they not
A pair of honest faces?
Wellb. I o'erheard you,
And the bribe he promis'd; you are cozen'd in them;
For of all the scum that grew rich by my riots,
This for a most unthankful knave, and this
For a base quean, have worse deserv'd;
And therefore speak not for them. By your place,
You are rather to do me justice; lend me your ear,
Forget his turkeys, and call in his license,
And every season I will send you venison,
Shall feast a mayor and the corporation.
Greedy. I am changed on the sudden
In my opinion——Mum! my passion is great!
I fry like a burnt marrowbone—Come nearer, rascal.
And now I view him better, did you e'er see
One look so like an arch knave? his very countenance,
Should an understanding judge but look upon him,
Would hang him, though he were innocent.
Tap and Froth. Worshipful sir!
Greedy. No; though the great Turk came instead of turkeys,
To beg my favour, I am inexorable.
Thou never hadst in thy house, to stay men's stomachs,
A piece of Suffolk cheese, or gammon of bacon,
Or any esculent, as the learned call it,
For their emolument, but sheer drink only.
For which gross fault, I here do damn thy license,
Forbidding thee ever to tap or draw;
For instantly, I will, in mine own person,
Command the constable to pull down thy sign;
And do it before I eat.
Froth. No mercy?
Greedy. Vanish.
If I show any, may my promis'd venison choke me.
Tap. Unthankful knaves are ever so rewarded.
[Exeunt Tapwell and Froth.
Wellb. Speak; what are you?
1 Cred. A decayed vintner, sir,
That might have thriv'd, but that your worship broke me,
With trusting you with muscadine and eggs,
And five pound suppers, with your after-drinkings,
When you lodged upon the bankside.
Wellb. I remember.
1 Cred. I have not been hasty, nor e'er laid to arrest you;
And therefore, sir——
Wellb. Thou art an honest fellow:
I'll set thee up again: see this bill paid.
What are you?
2 Cred. A tailor once, but now mere botcher.
I gave you credit for a suit of clothes,
Which was all my stock; but you failing in payment,
I was remov'd from the shop-board, and confin'd
Under a stall.
Wellb. See him paid; and botch no more.
2 Cred. I ask no interest, sir.
Wellb. Such tailors need not:
If their bills are paid in one and twenty years,
They are seldom losers.
See all men else discharg'd;
And since old debts are clear'd by a new way,
A little bounty will not misbecome me.
Pray you, on before.
I'll attend you at dinner.
Greedy. For Heaven's sake, don't stay long;
It is almost ready.

[Exeunt Greedy, Order, Furnace Amble, and Creditors.

Wellb. Now, Mr. Marall, what's the weighty secret,
You promis'd to impart?
Mar. Sir, time nor place
Allow me to relate each circumstance;
This only in a word: I know Sir Giles
Will come upon you for security
For his thousand pounds: which you must not consent to.
As he grows in heat (as I am sure he will)
Be you but rough, and say he's in your debt
Ten times the sum, upon sale of your land:
I had a hand in't (I speak it to my shame)
When you were defeated of it.
Wellb. That's forgiven.
Mar. I shall deserve then——urge him to produce
The deed in which you pass'd it over to him,
Which I know he'll have about him to deliver
To the Lord Lovell.
I'll instruct you farther,
As I wait on your worship; if I play not my part
To your full content, and your uncle's much vexation,
Hang up Jack Marall.
Wellb. I rely upon thee. [Exeunt.

SCENE III.—A Chamber in Sir Giles's House.

Enter Allworth and Margaret.

Allw. Whether to yield the first praise to my lord's
Unequal'd temperance, or your constant sweetness,
I yet rest doubtful.
Marg. Give it to Lord Lovell;
For what in him was bounty, in me's duty.
I make but payment of a debt, to which
My vows, in that high office register'd,
Are faithful witnesses.
Allw. 'Tis true, my dearest;
Yet, when I call to mind, how many fair ones
Make wilful shipwreck of their faiths and oaths.
To fill the arms of greatness;
And you, with matchless virtue, thus to hold out,
Against the stern authority of a father,
And spurn at honour, when it comes to court you;
I am so tender of your good, that I can hardly
Wish myself that right you are pleas'd to do me.
Marg. To me what's title when content is wanting?
Or wealth, when the heart pines
In being dispossess'd of what it longs for?
Or the smooth brow
Of a pleas'd sire, that slaves me to his will?
And, so his ravenous humour may be feasted
By my obedience, and he see me great,
Leaves to my soul nor faculties nor power
To make her own election.
Allw. But the dangers
That follow the repulse.
Marg. To me they are nothing:
Let Allworth love, I cannot be unhappy.
Suppose the worst, that in his rage he kill me;
A tear or two by you drop'd on my hearse,
In sorrow for my fate, will call back life,
So far as but to say, that I die yours,
I then shall rest in peace.
Allw. Heaven avert
Such trials of your true affection to me!
Nor will it unto you, that are all mercy,
Show so much rigour. But since we must run
Such desperate hazards, let us do our best
To steer between them.
Marg. Lord Lovell is your friend;
And, though but a young actor, second me,
In doing to the life what he has plotted.
Enter Sir Giles Overreach.
The end may yet prove happy: now, my Allworth.
Allw. To your letter, and put on a seeming anger.
Marg. I'll pay my lord all debts due to his title,
And, when, with terms not taking from his honour
He does solicit me, I shall gladly hear him:
But in this peremptory, nay, commanding, way,
T'appoint a meeting, and without my knowledge;
A priest to tie the knot, can ne'er be undone
Till death unloose it, is a confidence
In his lordship that will deceive him.
Allw. I hope better, good lady.
Marg. Hope, sir, what you please: for me,
I must take a safe and secure course; I have
A father, and without his full consent,
Though all lords of the land kneel'd for my favour,
I can grant nothing.
Sir G. I like this obedience.
But whatsoever my lord writes, must and shall be
Accepted and embrac'd. [Aside.]—Sweet Mr. Allworth,
You show yourself a true and faithful servant
To your good lord; he has a jewel of you.
How! frowning, Meg! are these looks to receive
A messenger from my lord? What's this? give me it.
Marg. A piece of arrogant paper, like th'inscriptions.
[Sir Giles reads the letter.
Fair mistress, from your servant learn, all joys
That we can hope for, if deferr'd prove toys;
Therefore this instant, and in private, meet
A husband, that will gladly at your feet
Lay down his honours, tend'ring them to you
With all content, the church being paid her due.
Sir G. Is this the arrogant piece of paper? fool!
Will you still be one? In the name of madness, what
Could his good honour write more to content you?
Is there aught else to be wish'd after these two
That are already offer'd?
What would you more?
Marg. Why, sir, I would be married like your daughter,
Not hurried away i'th' night, I know not whither,
Without all ceremony; no friends invited,
To honour the solemnity.
Allw. An't please your honour,
(For so before tomorrow I must style you,)
My lord desires this privacy, in respect
His honourable kinsmen are far off,
And his desires to have it done brook not
So long delay as to expect their coming;
And yet he stands resolv'd, with all due pomp,
To have his marriage at court celebrated,
When he has brought your honour up to London.
Sir G. He tells you true; 'tis the fashion on my knowledge:
Yet the good lord, to please your peevishness,
Must put it off, forsooth.
Marg. I could be contented,
Were you but by, to do a father's part,
And give me in the church.
Sir G. So my lord have you,
What do I care who gives you? since my lord
Does purpose to be private, I'll not cross him.
I know not, Mr. Allworth, how my lord
May be provided, and therefore there's a purse
Of gold: 'twill serve this night's expense; tomorrow
I'll furnish him with any sums. In the meantime
Use my ring to my chaplain; he is beneficed
At my manor of Gotham, and call'd Parson Welldo:
'Tis no matter for a license, I'll bear him out in't.
Marg. With your favour, sir, what warrant is your ring?
He may suppose I got that twenty ways,
Without your knowledge; and then to be refus'd,
Were such a stain upon me—If you please, sir,
Your presence would be better.
Sir G. Still perverse?
I say again, I will not cross my lord,
Yet I'll prevent you too—Paper and ink there.
Allw. I can furnish you.
Sir G. I thank you, I can write then.
[Writes on his Book.
Allw. You may, if you please, leave out the name of my lord,
In respect he comes disguis'd, and only write,
Marry her to this gentleman.
Sir G. Well advis'd. [Margaret kneels.
'Tis done: away—my blessing, girl? thou hast it.
Nay, no reply—begone, good Mr. Allworth;
This shall be the best night's work you ever made.
Allw. I hope so, sir.
[Exeunt Allworth and Margaret.
Sir G. Farewell. Now all's cocksure.
Methinks I hear already knights and ladies
Say, Sir Giles Overreach, how is it with
Your honourable daughter? has her honour
Slept well tonight? or, will her honour please
To accept this monkey, dog, or paroquet?
(This is state in ladies) or my eldest son
To be her page, to wait upon her?——
My ends, my ends are compass'd! then for Wellborn
And the lands; were he once married to the widow—
I have him here——I can scarce contain myself,
I am so full of joy; nay, joy all over! [Exit.

---

ACT. V.

SCENE I.—A Chamber in Lady Allworth's House.

Enter Lovell and Lady Allworth.

Lady A. By this you know how strong the motives were
That did, my lord, induce me to dispense
A little with my gravity, to advance
The plots and projects of the down-trod Wellborn.
Nor shall I e'er repent the action,
For he, that ventur'd all for my dear husband,
Might justly claim an obligation from me,
To pay him such a courtesy: which had I
Coyly, or over curiously deny'd,
It might have argued me of little love
To the deceas'd.
Lov. What you intended, madam,
For the poor gentleman, hath found good success;
For, as I understand, his debts are paid,
And he once more furnish'd for fair employment:
But all the arts that I have us'd to raise
The fortunes of your joy and mine, young Allworth,
Stand yet in supposition, though I hope well.
For the young lovers are in wit more pregnant
Than their years can promise; and for their desires,
On my knowledge they equal.
Lady A. Though my wishes
Are with yours, my lord; yet give me leave to fear
The building, though well grounded. To deceive
Sir Giles (that's both a lion and a fox
In his proceedings) were a work beyond
The strongest undertakers; not the trial
Of two weak innocents.
Lov. Despair not, madam:
Hard things are compass'd oft by easy means.
The cunning statesman, that believes he fathoms
The counsels of all kingdoms on the earth,
Is by simplicity oft overreach'd.
Lady A. May be so.
The young ones have my warmest wishes.
Lov. O, gentle lady, let them prove kind to me
You've kindly heard—now grant my suit.
What say you, lady?
Lady A. Troth, my lord,
My own unworthiness may answer for me;
For had you, when I was in my prime,
Presented me with this great favour,
I could not but have thought it as a blessing,
Far, far beyond my merit.
Lov. You are too modest.
In a word,
Our years, our states, our births, are not unequal.
If then you may be won to make me happy,
But join your hand to mine, and that shall be
A solemn contract.
Lady A. I were blind to my own good,
Should I refuse it; yet, my lord, receive me
As such a one; the study of whose whole life
Shall know no other object but to please you.
Lov. If I return not, with all tenderness,
Equal respect to you, may I die wretched!
Lady A. There needs no protestation, my lord,
To her, that cannot doubt—You are welcome, sir.
Enter Wellborn.
Now you look like yourself.
Wellb. And will continue that I am,
Your creature, madam, and will never hold
My life mine own, when you please to demand it.
Lov. It is a thankfulness that well becomes you;
You could not make choice of a better shape
To dress your mind in.
Lady A. For me, I am happy
That my endeavours prosper'd. Saw you of late
Sir Giles, your uncle?
Wellb. I heard of him, madam,
By his minister, Marall: he's grown into strange passions
About his daughter. This last night he look'd for
Your lordship, at his house; but, missing you,
And she not yet appearing, his wise head
Is much perplex'd and troubled.
Lov. I hope my project took.
Lady A. I strongly hope.
Sir G. [Without.] Ha! find her, booby; thou huge lump of
nothing,
I'll bore thine eyes out else.
Wellb. May it please your lordship,
For some ends of mine own, but to withdraw
A little out of sight, though not of hearing.—
You may, perhaps, have sport.
Lov. You shall direct me. [Exit.
Enter Overreach, drawing in Marall.
Sir G. I shall sol fa you, rogue!
Mar. Sir, for what cause
Do you use me thus?
Sir G. Cause, slave! why, I am angry;
And thou a subject only fit for beating;
And so to cool my choler. Look to the writing;
Let but the seal be broke upon the box,
That has slept in my cabinet these three years,
I'll rack thy soul for't.
Mar. I may yet cry 'quittance;
Though now I suffer, and dare not resist. [Aside.
Sir G. Lady, by your leave, did you see my daughter, lady?
And the lord her husband? Are they in your house?
If they are, discover, that I may bid them joy:
And, as an entrance to her place of honour,
See your ladyship on her left hand.
Lady A. When I know, Sir Giles,
Her state requires such ceremony, I shall pay it;
But, in the meantime,
I give you to understand, I neither know
Nor care where her honour is.
Sir G. When you once see her
Supported, and led by the lord her husband,
You'll be taught better.—Nephew!
Wellb. Well.
Sir G. No more!
Wellb. 'Tis all I owe you.
Sir G. Have your redeem'd rags
Made you thus insolent?
Wellb. Insolent to you? [In scorn.
Why, what are you, sir, unless in years, more than myself?
Sir G. His fortune swells him:
'Tis rank—he's married.
Lady A. This is excellent!
Sir G. Sir, in calm language (though I seldom use it),
I am familiar with the cause that makes you
Bear up thus bravely; there's a certain buzz
Of a stolen marriage; Do you hear? of a stolen marriage;
In which, 'tis said, there's somebody hath been cozen'd.
I name no parties. [Lady Allworth turns away.
Wellb. Well, sir; and what follows?
Sir G. Marry, this: since you are peremptory, remember,
Upon mere hope of your great match, I lent you
A thousand pounds; put me in good security,
And suddenly, by mortgage or by statute,
Of some of your new possessions, or I'll have you
Dragg'd in your lavender robe, to the jail; you know me,
And therefore do not trifle.
Wellb. Can you be
So cruel to your nephew, now he's in
The way to rise? Was this the courtesy
You did me in pure love, and no ends else?
Sir G. End me no ends; engage the whole estate,
And force your spouse to sign it: you shall have
Three or four thousand more to roar and swagger,
And revel in bawdy taverns.
Wellb. And beg after:
Mean you not so?
Sir G. My thoughts are mine, and free.
Shall I have security?
Wellb. No, indeed, you shall not:
Nor bond, nor bill, nor bare acknowledgement.
Your great looks fright not me.
Sir G. But my deeds shall.——
Out-brav'd! [They both draw.
Enter Two Servants.
Lady A. Help! murder! murder!
Wellb. Let him come on;
With all his wrongs and injuries about him,
Arm'd with his cut throat practices to guard him;
The right I bring with me will defend me,
And punish his extortion.
Sir G. That I had thee
But single in the field!
Lady A. You may; but make not
My house your quarrelling scene.
Sir G. Were't in a church,
By heaven and hell, I'll do't.
Mar. Now put him to
The showing of the deed.
Wellb. This rage is vain, sir;
For fighting, fear not, you shall have your hands full,
Upon the least incitement: and whereas
You charge me with a debt of a thousand pounds,
If there be law (howe'er you have no conscience)
Either restore my land, or I'll recover
A debt that's truly due to me from you,
In value ten times more than what you challenge.
Sir G. I in thy debt! oh, impudence! Did I not purchase
The land left by thy father? that rich land,
That had continued in Wellborn's name
Twenty descents; which, like a riotous fool,
Thou didst make sale of? Is not here
The deed that does confirm it mine?
Mar. Now, now!
Wellb. I do acknowledge none; I ne'er pass'd o'er
Such land: I grant, for a year or two,
You had it in trust: which, if you do discharge
Surrendering the possession, you shall ease
Yourself and me of chargeable suits in law;
Which, if you prove not honest (as I doubt it),
Must, of necessity, follow.
Lady A. In my judgment,
He does advise you well.
Sir G. Good, good! conspire
With your new husband, lady; second him
In his dishonest practices; but, when
This manor is extended to my use,
You'll speak in an humbler key, and sue for favor.
Wellb. Let despair first seize me.
Sir G. Yet, to shut up thy mouth, and make thee give
Thyself the lie, the loud lie—I draw out
The precious evidence: If thou canst forswear
Thy hand and seal, and make a forfeit of
Thy ears to the pillory—see, here's that will make
My interest clear.
[Shows the Deed out of his Pocket.
Ha!—
Lady A. A fair skin of parchment!
Wellb. Indented, I confess, and labels too;
But neither wax nor words. How, thunderstruck!
Is this your precious evidence? Is this that makes
Your interest clear?
Sir G. I am o'erwhelmed with wonder!
What prodigy was this? what subtle devil
Hath raz'd out the inscription? the wax
Turn'd into dust,
Made nothing! do you deal with witches, rascal?
There's a statute for you which will bring
Your neck in a hempen circle;
[Throws away the deed.
Yes there is.
And now 'tis better thought; for, cheater, know
This juggling shall not save you.
Wellb. To save thee,
Would beggar the stock of mercy.
Sir G. Marall?
Mar. Sir!
Sir G. Though the witnesses are dead,
[Flattering him.
Your testimony.
Help with an oath or two; and for thy master,
Thy liberal master, my good honest servant,
I know you will swear any thing, to dash
This cunning slight: besides, I know thou art
A public notary, and such stands in law
For a dozen witnesses; the deed being drawn too
By thee, my careful Marall, and deliver'd
When thou wert present, will make good my title:
Wilt thou not swear this?
Mar. I! No, I assure you.
I have a conscience not sear'd up like yours;
I know no deeds.
Sir G. Wilt thou betray me?
Mar. Keep him
From using of his hands, I'll use my tongue
To his no little torment.
Sir G. My own varlet
Rebel against me?
Mar. Yes, and unease you too.
The idiot! the patch! the slave! the booby!
The property fit only to be beaten
For your morning exercise? your football, or
Th'unprofitable lump of flesh, your drudge,
Can now anatomize you, and lay open
All your black plots; level with the earth
Your hill of pride, and shake,
Nay pulverize, the walls you think defend you.
Lady A. How he foams at the mouth with rage!
Sir G. O, that I had thee in my gripe, I would tear thee
Joint after joint!
Mar. I know you are a tearer.
But I'll have first your fangs pared off; and then
Come nearer to you; when I have discover'd,
And made it good before the judge what ways
And devilish practices you us'd to cozen with.
Wellb. [Keep between them.] All will come out.
Sir G. But that I will live, rogue, to torture thee,
And make thee wish, and kneel in vain to die;
I play the fool, and make my anger but ridiculous.
There will be a time, and place, there will be, cowards,
When you shall feel what I dare do.
Wellb. I think so:
You dare do any ill; yet want true valour
To be honest, and repent.
Sir G. They are words I know not,
No e'er will learn. Patience, the beggar's virtue,
Shall find no harbour here.—After these storms,
At length a calm appears.
Enter Greedy and Parson Welldo.
Welcome, most welcome:
There's comfort in thy looks; is the deed done?
Is my daughter married? say but so, my chaplain,
And I am tame.
Welldo. Married? yes, I assure you!
Sir G. Then vanish all sad thoughts!
My doubts and fears are in the title drown'd
Of my right honourable, right honourable daughter.
Greedy. Here will be feasting, at least for a month!
Sir G. Instantly be here?
[Whispering to Welldo.
To my wish! to my wish! Now you that plot against me,
And hoped to trip my heels up; that contemn'd me;
Think on't, and tremble. [Loud Music.] They come, I hear the music.
A lane there!
Make way there for my lord. [Music.
Enter Allworth and Margaret.
Marg. Sir, first your pardon, then your blessing with
Your full allowance of the choice I have made.
As ever you could make use of your reason, [Kneels.
Grow not in passion; since you may as well
Call back the day that's past, as untie the knot
Which is so strongly fasten'd.
Not to dwell too long on words,
This is my husband.
Sir G. How!
Allw. So I assure you; all the rites of marriage
With every circumstance are past.
And, for right honourable son-in-law, you may say
Your dutiful daughter.
Sir G. Devil! are they married?
Welldo. Do a father's part, and say Heaven give them joy!
Sir G. Confusion and ruin! Speak, and speak quickly,
Or thou art dead.
Welldo. They are married.
Sir G. Thou hadst better
Have made a contract with the king of fiends
Than these.——My brain turns!
Welldo. Why this rage to me?
Is not this your letter, sir? and these the words?
Marry her to this gentleman.
Sir G. It cannot;
Nor will I ever believe it: 'sdeath! I will not.
That I, that in all passages I touch'd
At worldly profit, have not left a print
Where I have trod, for the most curious search
To trace my footsteps; should be gull'd by children!
Baffled and fool'd; and all my hopes and labours
Defeated, and made void.
Welb. As it appears,
You are so, my grave uncle.
Sir G. Village nurses
Revenge their wrongs with curses; I'll not waste
A syllable, but thus I take the life
Which wretched I gave to thee.
[Offers to kill Margaret.
Lov. Hold, for your own sake!
Though charity to your daughter hath quite left you
Will you do an act, though in your hopes lost here,
Can leave no hopes for peace or rest hereafter?
Sir G. Lord! thus I spit at thee,
And at thy council; and again desire thee,
As thou art a soldier, if thy valour
Dares show itself where multitude and example
Lead not the way, let's quit the house, and change
Six words in private.
Lov. I am ready.
Wellb. You'll grow like him,
Should you answer his vain challenge.
Sir G. Are you pale?
Borrow his help, though Hercules call it odds,
I'll stand against both.
Say, they were a squadron
Of pikes lined through with shot; when I am mounted
Upon my injuries, shall I fear to charge them?
No: I'll through the battalia, and that routed,
[Flourishing his Sword, sheathed.
I'll fall to execution.—Ha! I am feeble:
Some undone widow sits upon mine arm,
And takes away the use of't; and my sword,
Glew'd to my scabbard with wrong'd orphans' tears,
Will not be drawn. [Servants hold him.
Ha! what are these?—Sure, hangmen,
That come to bind my hands, and then to drag me
Before the judgment seat.—Now, they are new shapes,
And do appear like furies, with steel whips,
To scourge my ulcerous soul: Shall I then fall
Ingloriously, and yield? No: spite of fate
I will be forc'd to hell like to myself;
Though you were legions of accursed spirits,
Thus would I fly among you.—
[Dragged off by Order and Amble.
Mar. It's brave sport!
Greedy. Brave sport? I'm sure it has ta'en away my stomach.
I do not like the sauce!
Allw. Nay, weep not, my dearest,
[To Margaret.
Though it express your pity! what's decreed
Above, you cannot alter.
Mar. Was it not a rare trick,
(An't please your worship) to make the deed nothing.
Wellb. I pray thee discover, what cunning
Means you us'd to raze out the conveyance.
Mar. Certain minerals I us'd,
Incorporated in the ink and wax.
Besides, he gave me nothing, but still fed me
With hopes and blows: and that was the inducement
To this conundrum.
If it please your worship
To call to memory, this mad beast once caus'd me
To urge you to drown or hang yourself;
I'll do the like to him if you command me.
Wellb. You are a rascal. He that dares be false
To a master, though unjust, will ne'er be true
To any other. Look not for reward,
Or favour from me; I will shun thy sight,
As I would do a basilisk's.
Greedy. I'll commit him,
If you'll have me, sir.
Wellb. Not a word,
But instantly be gone.
[Exit Marall.
Lov. Here is a precedent to teach wicked men;
That when they leave religion, and turn atheists,
Their own abilities leave them. Pray you take comfort,
I will endeavour you shall be his guardians
In his distraction: and for your land, Mr. Wellborn,
Be it good or ill in law, I'll be an umpire
Between you, and this the undoubted heir
Of Sir Giles Overreach: for me, here's the anchor
That I must fix on.
[Takes Lady Allworth's hand.
Allw. What you shall determine,
My lord, I will allow of.
Wellb. It is a time of action; if your lordship
Will please to confer a company upon me
In your command, I doubt not, in my service,
To my king and country, but I shall do something
That may make me right again.
Lov. Your suit is granted,
And you lov'd for the motion.
Wellb. Nothing wants then
[To the Audience.
But your allowance—and, in that, our all
Is comprehended; it being known, nor we,
Nor even the comedy itself is free,
Without your manumission. That
Obtain'd,
Our utmost wish we hold, and from the store
Of ancient wit, produce one genius more;
While honest Massinger himself, to night
Shall teach our modern witlings how to write.