The Pleasures of a Single Life, Or, The Miseries of Matrimony / Occasionally writ upon the many divorces lately granted by Parliament. With The choice, or, the pleasures of a country-life. Dedicated to the beaus against the next vacation.

by Unknown

THE LADIES CHOICE.

Melissa Belinda.

Melissa.

Prithee, Belinda (for thou know'st I'm Young,
Unskill'd in Arts that to our Sex belong)
Thy wiser Counsels to my Youth impart;
Teach me at once to Love, and Guard my Heart;
That I have Wit, can Sing and Dance you know,
And the Men tell me I am Pretty too;
I now have Fifteen pleasing Summers seen,
And have been Courted by twice Fifteen Men;
Still fresh Pretenders do my Peace Invade,
They Write, they Visit, Sigh and Serenade,
And try allways to Catch a Harmless Maid.

Then since our Virgin Thoughts are apt to Rove,
And few escape that Noble Passion Love,
Teach me, Belinda, by thy Arts to Chuse
What Suiters to Admit, and which Refuse._

Belinda.

Melissa, I am glad you're so Discreet, } For, that to more Experience you'll submit, } Argues your want of Vanity, not Wit. }

And yet, my Dear, 'tis difficult t' Advise, }
Fools are so Plenty, and so Scarce the Wise: }
To judge of Men, we shou'd not Trust our Eyes; }
Outward Appearance may Delude the Sight;
Nor is it good to gaze too near the Light:
For tho' your Beauty, like a Painted Scene,
May Dang'rous prove to the Vile Race of Men,
Who at the greater distance do Admire,
And shun the heat of Love's Important Fire.
Whose Little God, like lesser Thieves, unseen, }
Steals to our Hearts, we scarce know how or when, }
His Standard hoists and Guards the Fort Within; }
Then like a Tyrant does our Peace Controul,
And absolutely Lords it o'er the Soul:
Thus, with your Heart, your Fortune he'll Dispose:
He does the Man, you but the Husband chuse.
And tho' a Fool, you must the Wretch receive;
For where we Love, we soon our Persons give.

Therefore, Melissa, wisely Guard your Heart;
What Nature won't defend, defend by Art:

Shun, I advise you, most Devoutly shun,
Those Servile Apes that swarm about the Town;
Pert, Noisie Coxcombs, Self-admiring Beaux,
Known by their want of Wit, and Gawdy Cloaths:

Of all the Creatures Nature does provide,
To stock the World from Ignorance to Pride;
Of all that from her various Bosom spring,
A Beau I think the oddest kind of thing;
A selfish Compound, singular, and Vain,
Half Ass, half Puppet, and the least of Man;
One that seems just for Nature's Pastime made,
A Gawdy Carcass, with an Empty Head;
Whose only Knowledge lies in modish Dress,
And seldom looks much further than his Glass.
A Creature only Govern'd by his Will;
And never Reads above a Taylors Bill;
A Wretch extreamly Whimsical and Proud,
Stiff in Opinion, Talkative and Loud;
And that which most Compleatly Arms the Fool,
Is, That the Fop's Emphatically dull.
That such, Melissa, may Address, 'tis true,
Write a soft Song, or senseless Billetdoux,
But 'tis Themselves they Admire in't, not You:
And she that's basely Yok'd with one of these,
Must e'en be Wedded to his Vanities;
Doat on a Thing that scarce deserves a Name,
While he with Slights rewards her Vertuous Flame:
For tell me, can he less Indifferent prove,
Who thinks no Woman can Deserve his Love?
No, no, Melissa, never think he can;
For if you do, you're Cozen'd in your Man.

Self-Affectation sways his little Sense;
Nought but Himself he Loves, and Ignorance.
By fatal Chance, if such a Man you Wed,
Better, Melissa, thou had'st Dy'd a Maid:
Ev'n such a Lover, were a Plague too great;
From such a Husband, Guard me, Oh my Fate!

Shun too, my Dear, the Lewder Wits o' th' Town,
As watchfully as they'd avoid a Dun.
For such a Man too soon wou'd let you see,
Lewdness and Marriage do but ill Agree.
Oft at the Theatre such Sparks I've seen, }
With Rakish Looks, half Drunk, come Reeling in; }
Tossing their Wigs, their Backs against the Scene. }
Regardless of the Play (a Mark of Wit)
Bow to some Lewd Companion in the Pit.
Take Snuff, fling round, in the Side-Box be seen,
Whisper a Mask, and then Retire again,
To some Lov'd Tavern, where's their chief Delight, }
There in Debaucheries they spend the Night, }
Then Stagger homeward by the Morning Light. }

Thus the Extravagant squanders his Estate,
Scarce e'er Consid'ring till it be too late:
And then a Wife must Cure the dang'rous Sore,
A Fortune too, his Acres must Restore;
The Woman Found, is by Addresses won;
They're married: He's profuse, and she's undone.
The Wound once heal'd, he soon forgets the Pain,
And takes the Trade of Lewdness up again:
In Vicious Days and Nights his Life is spent;
The Pleasure his, but her's the Punishment;
For now the Heav'n she Dreamt of, proves her Hell,
Whose only Fault was Loving him too well.
Pensive all Day she sits; all Night alone;
She does her slighted Love, but more his Loss bemoan.
By kind Endearments Fraught with Innocence,
She strives to soften his Impenitence;
Fain wou'd she turn him from the winding Maze,
Win him to Love, and be the same he was;
But Vain her Sighs; her Prayers, her Tears are Vain, }
She might as soon her Freedom re-obtain, }
As think to Mollifie th' obdurate Man. }
Who like her Person, slights the fond Advice, }
And when with Love she wou'd his Soul Entice, }
Flies from her Arms, and Revels in his Vice; }
Till she, alas, foreseeing what must come,
Consents, and with the little left he packs her home.

Of such I give thee Caution to beware, }
Fly 'em, Melissa, like a Tim'rous Hare, }
That Strains along the Vales t'avoid the Hunters Snare. }

And from a Soldier too, thy flight direct;
In his Rough Arms, what can a Maid expect;
Long Absent days, and tedious Widow'd Nights:
Are those the Marriage Joys, the vasts Delights
We promise to our selves, with him we Love?
Or shall we else such Constant Creatures prove,
To leave our Country, and turn Fugitive:
Follow the Camp, and with the Wanderer Live.
'Mongst War-like sounds our softer hours to pass,
Scorch in the Sun, and Sleep upon the Grass:
No, no, Melissa, 'tis an Auxious Life;
Honour's his Mistress; let it be his Wife.

No Man of Bus'ness let thy Heart approve;
Bus'ness is oft an Enemy to Love:
Nor think, my Dear, thou canst be truly blest
With one that's Wedded to his Interest.
Worldly Affairs does his Affections cloy,
As that which shou'd preserve it, does destroy.
'Twixt two Extreams you wretchedly must Live,
Or bad, or worse, as his Affairs do Thrive;
Whose good or ill Success, must be the Rule,
One makes him Insolent, and t'other Dull.

Let no Aspiring Courtier be thy Choice;
Avoid in Courts, the Bustle and the Noise;
Where Vain Ambition hurries on the Mind,
And always leaves more solid Joys behind:
As when the Thrifty Clown, securely Blest,
His Barns with Plenty, with Content his Brest,
Possest with hopes of a long lost Estate,
In haste forsakes his humble harmless Seat.
With Bagg and Bundle, Trots it up to Town, }
There wildly Gapes, and wanders up and down, }
And's kept in Ignorance till he's undone. }
Some weighty Sums receiv'd for Corn and Cheese,
Are Spent in Treats, and Giv'n away in Fees.
Mean while the Lawyer so well Acts his Part, }
With empty Pockets, and an Aking Heart, }
He sends him home again to Plow and Cart. }

So the Gay Youth does Lavish his Estate,
And bribes into the Favour of the Great;
Prefer'd he sits like Fortunes Darling Son,
To's Friends, and what he was, a Stranger grown;
Till soon some turn of a Revolving State,
Leaves him to Curse Ambition, and his Fate;
Threaten'd with Want, perhaps the Youngster Writes,
And Lives (or rather Starves Genteely) by his Wits.

Therefore, Melissa, Guard thee from surprize;
Let none of these betray thee, if thou'rt Wise;
Let not their Songs, nor Sighs, thy Soul Entice.
But if thou wou'dst be happy in thy Choice,
Above 'em all, a Gentleman prefer;
One free from Bus'ness, undisturb'd with Care;
Yet in the Publick Good (without Vile ends)
To serve his Country, and his Countries Friends:
Travel his Understanding shou'd improve;
For as it helps his Knowledge, 'twould his Love.
As to his Person, 'tis not to advise;
All Women see not with the self-same Eyes.
In that you might your own Opinion use,
Your Heart wou'd teach you; but were I to chuse,
He shou'd not be Effeminate or Proud,
(I hate the Man that is by Pride subdu'd).
In us I Grant a little Pride may be,
Much less a Crime (and may with Sense agree)
A Gift alone for our own Sex design'd,
To awe the loose Opinions of Mankind;
Who quickly else more Insolent wou'd grow:
'Tis Vertue's Guard, and Aids our Beauties too.

A Gay Appearance shou'd not make me err;
I wou'd the Beauties of the Mind prefer.
Among the Few, I'd have a Man of Sense,
Endu'd with Modesty and Temperance;
Not with a great, and yet a good Estate;
Not too much Learning, nor Illiterate,
And yet he shou'd (avoiding each extream)
Know more of Man, than Man shou'd know of him.
Be Gen'rous and Well-bred, but not Profuse;
Not giv'n to Flattery, nor to take th' Abuse:
Gentile his Carriage, and his Humour such,
Shou'd speak him Sociable, but no Debauch.
A Lover of his Country, and a Friend to Wit
Read Poetry he shou'd, but shou'd not write;
His Temper Lively, not to Wildness bent,
His Talk Diverting, and yet Innocent;
Not Unreserv'd, nor yet too Nicely Wise,
Apter to Bear, than Offer Injuries;
Courage enough his Honour to defend,
But Constant in his Love, and Faithful to his Friend.

This is the Man I'd to my Heart prefer; }
Such Men, Melissa, well deserve our Care; }
You'll say they're Scarce, and I must grant they are. }
Yet I resolve by such a Man, or none,
(Unless by Love betray'd) I will be won.

But were I Woo'd by the Embellish'd Youth;
His Soul susceptible of Love and Truth:
By easie steps he shou'd attain my Heart,
By all the Proofs of Breeding, Wit, and Art.
Then like some Town, by War-like Numbers sought,
That long against its Enemies has fought,
And oft with Courage brav'd the shining Field, }
Yet in the end by Want or Force compell'd, }
It does with Honour to the Conqueror Yield. }

So to my Lover I'd my Heart resign,
The Conquest his, the Glory should be mine.
With mutual Love my Nuptials shou'd be Blest, }
Then to my Arms I'd call the Welcome Guest, }
And Celebrate with Joy great Hymen's Feast. }

Marriage is Bondage, but where Cupid Reigns,
The Yoke is easie; Glorious are the Chains:
His Fetters please, nor wish we to be Free,
But Glory in the Loss of Liberty:
And yet but half our Thanks we owe the Boy,
He gives us Love, 'tis Hymen gives us Joy;
Well might the Poets feign those Gods a-kin,
For we are only Happy where they join.
As when Aurora does the Bridal Morn,
With an uncommon Gayety Adorn
From its Illustrious Pride with ease we may
Foretel the Brightness of the coming Day:
So when true Love the Sacred Tye precedes,
Secure of Happiness that Couple weds;
No Threat'ning Storms do e'er Molest their Joy,
Nor Anxious Quarrels do their Peace destroy;
Their days slide on in the securest ease,
And Circle in Eternal Rounds of Bliss.

Blest in my Wish thus far, my next should be,
(For I Melissa, wou'd live far and free
From the vile Tumults of this viler Town)
To have some little Cottage of my own;
No Spacious, but a Pleasant Country Seat,
Where the Gay Spring shou'd smile on our Retreat;
Delightful Gardens shou'd the Structure Bound,
All Love within, and Innocence around;
Adorn'd with Fruit-Trees curious to the Eye,
With streaming Fountains, and a River nigh;
Where, low-grown Willows do recline their head,
And o'er its fall their Meeting Branches spread,
As tho' they were by careful Nature hung, }
To listen and regard its Murm'ring Song, }
Whose Silver current as it glides along; }
Does wash the Bank of some Delightful Grove,
Fragrant beneath, and shaded all above;
Where the fresh Seasons breathe their vital Air,
And pretty Birds with untaught Songs repair;
Where spreading Pines, and taller Poplars grow,
Young Elms that do a pleasing Prospect show.
Where Bow'rs of Yew, and twisted Hazles stand,
With cluster'd Filberts to invite the hand;
A Place by Nature fram'd to feast the Mind,
By Art for Solitude and Love design'd;
Where we wou'd walk, and waste our idler hours,
Gather the luscious Fruits and various Flowers,
Crop from their stalks the Columbine and Rose, }
And from its Branch, the juicy Peach unlose, }
And ev'ry Sweet of Nature should it self disclose. }

So the first Pair, of Innocence possest,
Were in their Native EDEN truly Blest;
At large they rang'd o'er all the flow'ry Land,
And pluck'd their Food from Nature's lib'ral Hand:
Tripp'd o'er the Soil, and to the Fountains ran.
The Happy Woman She, and He the Happy Man.

Next in my Family I'd employ my Care,
My Attendance few, but honest and sincere;
I wou'd not have our happier Delights,
Destroy'd by Gaming Days, or Drinking Nights.
Nor yet look shye upon those Friends he brought,
I wou'd seem Pleasant, tho' I lik'd them not:
Courteous to all, and Lib'ral to the Poor,
They still shou'd chant their Blessings at my Door;
From whence dissatisfy'd they shou'd not go,
Lest Heaven shou'd retrench its Bounty too;
No Jars among my Servants shou'd be found,
But Chains of lasting Peace shou'd still run round.

Thus we'd the Innocence of Life enjoy,
For Love's a Beauty which does seldom cloy.
As Peaceful Monarchs do their Kingdoms Sway,
He shou'd my Heart, and I'd in Love obey,
No change of Fortune shou'd pervert our flame,
But with the good or bad, be still the same.