THE DECISION.
These things greatly distressed me, and in the end separated me from Sunday-keeping forever. At this time I was not acquainted with a single seventh-day Christian. But a bookseller sent me some copies of the "Address of the Seventh-day Baptists to the Baptists of the United States," which was peculiarly opportune to my state of mind. It showed me the inconsistency of Sunday-keeping with all the foundation principles of the faith I had received, and the order I had observed; and served to bring me to a decision. Yet I did not dare to submit my mind at once to the force of truth, until I had repeatedly investigated every Scripture passage and event on which I had formerly relied for a justification of my faith. I endeavored to do this as independently of extrinsic considerations as I could; and each time brought me to the same conclusion. I could find no Scripture authority for a first-day Sabbath. Yet the conflict was not over. I suffered for some time that deep mental anguish which attends a conscientious mind, where enlightened judgment conflicts with all the inclinations, expectations, and kindliest associations of life. If ever an anxious mariner sailed tremblingly between Sylla and Charybdis, surely his condition was like mine at this time. To advocate the Sunday observance without Bible authority, I could not for conscience's sake. To embrace the no-Sabbath doctrine, I dared not; this was too dark and downward a leap from the highway of holiness for me to hazard; and the former was too disloyal and dishonest a course for me to pursue in the name of the King of saints. For a time I indulged a forlorn hope, that I might find some way of reconciling the matter so as to appear consistent without leaving the denomination. But accustomed to speak the honest sentiments of my heart, I found the subject naturally influencing my prayers and my preaching, and in other ways embarrassing me, so that it became a burden I knew not how to bear. I commenced keeping the Sabbath alone in my study. It seemed now as if God had shut me up to my own vows; I was compelled to renounce all for his truth, or prove apostate to the principles of godliness! Dark indeed appeared my prospects. I had a wife and eight children to support, and no human resource to look to but my salary. I felt, too, for the reputation, sentiments, and prepossessions of my wife and children, some of whom had already made a profession of religion, and for many other young converts recently gathered into the church of which I was pastor. But just at that time, I was called to baptize a young woman who had to leave father and mother, and brothers and sisters, and all she had on earth, for her faith in Christ. This greatly assisted me to determine to do so too.
The decision gave great relief to my mind. I could now with more confidence appeal to our Father in heaven for support and direction. I could with great comfort appropriate many precious promises of God's Word to my own case, and find them a precious cordial to my soul. Never have I found more enjoyment in divine things than since I thus renounced all for Christ. I found as the Psalmist expresses it, that "great peace have they that love thy law, and nothing shall offend them." "O taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man that trusteth in him."