Allegory on Wimmin’s Rights
By Josiah Allen’s Wife (Marietta Holly)
(American contemporary. A philosopher who uses the humorous story to carry her message to the reading public.)
“Wimmin haint no business with the laws of the country,” said Josiah.
“If they haint no business with the law, the law haint no business with them,” said I warmly. “Of the three classes that haint no business with the law—lunatics, idiots and wimmin—the lunatics and idiots have the best time of it,” says I with a great rush of ideas into my brain that almost lifted up the border of my head-dress. “Let a idiot kill a man; ‘What of it?’ says the law. Let a luny steal a sheep; again the law murmurs in a calm and gentle tone, ‘What of it? They haint no business with the law, and the law haint no business with them!’
“But let one of a third class, let a woman steal a sheep, does the law soothe her in those comfortin’ tones? No; it thunders to her in awful accents: ‘You haint no business with the law, but the law has a good deal of business with you, vile female; start for state’s prison! You haint nothin’ at all to do with the law, only to pay all the taxes it tells you to, embrace a license bill that is ruinin’ to your husband, give up your innocent little children to a wicked father if it tells you to, and a few other little things, such as bein’ dragged off to prison by it, chained up for life, and hung, and et cetery.”
“‘Methought I once heard the words,’ sithes the female, ‘True government consists in the consent of the governed. Did I dream them, or did the voice of a luny pour them into my ear?’
“‘Haint I told you,’ frowns the law on her, ‘that that don’t mean wimmin? Have I got to explain again to your weakened female comprehension, the great fundymental truth that wimmin haint included and mingled in the law books and statutes of the country, only in a condemnin’ and punishin’ sense as it were?’
“‘Alas!’ sithes the woman to herself, ‘would that I had the sweet rights of my wild and foolish companions, the idiots and lunys!’
“‘But,’ says she, ‘are the laws always just, that I should obey them thus implicitely?’
“‘Idiots, lunatics! and wimmin! Are they goin’ to speak?’ thunders the law. ‘Can I believe my noble right ear? Can I, bein’ blindfolded, trust my seventeen senses? I’ll have you understand that it haint no woman’s business whether the laws are just or unjust; all you have to do is just to obey ’em. So start off for prison, my young woman.’
“‘But my housework,’ pleads the woman. ‘Woman’s place is the home. It is her duty to remain, at all hazards, within its holy and protectin’ precincts. How can I leave its sacred retirement to moulder in state’s prison?’
“‘Housework!’ and the law fairly yells the words, he is so filled with contempt at the idea. ‘Housework! Jest as if housework is goin’ to stand in the way of the noble administration of the law! I admit the recklessness and immorality of her leavin’ that holy haven long enough to vote; but I guess she can leave her housework long enough to be condemned, and hung, and so forth.’
“‘But I have got a infant,’ says the woman, ‘of tender days. How can I go?’
“‘That is nothin’ to the case,’ says the law in stern tones. ‘The peculiar conditions of motherhood only unfits a female woman from ridin’ to town in a covered carriage once a year, and layin’ her vote on a pole. I’ll have you understand it’s no hinderence to her at all in a cold and naked cell, or in a public court room crowded with men.’
“As the young woman totters along to prison is it any wonder that she sithes to herself—
“‘Would that I were an idiot! Alas is it not possible that I may become even now, a luny? Then I should be respected!’”