Bentley's Miscellany, Volume I

by Various

CHAPTER III.

I made my preparations with all haste. In addition to my own servant, Sadek, who had been one of our suite in our former mission, I hired two others; one to take care of my horses, and another to spread my carpet. A mule for my baggage, a good horse for my own riding, and two yaboos for my servants, were soon procured; and, straightway, whip in hand, and with boots on my feet, I announced myself ready for departure.

When I appeared before the grand vizier, he said, "Mashallah! By the beard of the king, thou art a good servant; the kingdom of the Francs, however, is not falling quite so rapidly that we cannot wait for a fortunate hour for your departure."

I had entirely resigned myself to fate, and therefore said, "Whatever the Shah commands, I am ready to obey." Taking advantage of the presence of many persons who were come to attend the vizier's levee; and perhaps as much to exhibit my own consequence as to ask a question of importance, I stept forward, and, kneeling before him, applied my mouth to his ear, and said, "Your slave was anxious to have one question answered, before he went, which is this:—suppose, before he got to England, its king were really deposed, and the new king, the People Shah, had mounted on the throne, what is your slave to do?"

At this the vizier paused, and, reflecting a while, said, "You will then live in a corner, and write to us for instructions; but do not lose any opportunity of making good hits in penknives, broad-cloth, and virgins."

Having waited his pleasure for some time, he then announced that he would take me before the Shah; and accordingly we proceeded thither, he taking the lead, whilst I followed at a respectable distance.

The king was in a good humour; in other words, his brain was sane, and his spirits well wound up. "By the head of the Shah!" he exclaimed, as soon as he saw me equipped for the journey, "the Hajji is a wonderful man; he makes as little of going from here to Frangistan, as we do of going from the imperial gate to the Takht Kajar."

Upon this the grand vizier said, "As I am your sacrifice, we are all your slaves, we are all your servants, we are all ready to go to Frangistan."

"That is well," said the Shah. "Is every thing prepared for the Hajji?"

"As I am your sacrifice, yes;" answered the minister. Upon which he drew from his girdle a roll of paper, which contained the instructions I was to receive as the rule of my conduct, and the several official letters which I was to deliver upon my arrival in England.

They were exhibited; and, the proper seals having been placed in the royal presence, they were sent to the head mastofi, or secretary, to be directed, and inserted in their silken bags.

When this was over, the king sent for a calaat, or dress of honour, with which I was soon after invested; and then he announced to me with his own sacred lips, (an event which in my younger days I had so much desired,) that, if on my return I should have fulfilled my mission to the Shah's satisfaction, the title of khan would be conferred upon me, with an appropriate dress of honour.

This piece of intelligence, some ten years ago, would have made my head touch the skies, but now it fell upon the surface of my mind as lead upon cotton; for it promised rather more of trouble than of that questionable sensation called honour, which I had long learnt to despise.

I went to the Der a Khoneh, or the King's Gate, to take leave of my friends, and there I received the papers relating to my mission. I was instructed to offer no presents, but to receive as many for the Shah as might be given; although, in the destitute situation in which we supposed England was, we agreed that we could not expect many. The chief treasurer then gave me a bag of tomans, few in number, and which, I was aware, were insufficient to defray my expenses there and back; yet, rather than run the chance of having my ears clipped by asking for more, I chose to trust to my own ingenuity, and to the knowledge of chum wa hum, or palaver, which I possessed, to make up the deficiencies. In short, I determined to travel at everybody's cost rather than my own.

At night I went to kiss the hem of the grand vizier's garment, and to receive his last orders before my departure. He said nothing besides recommending me to the care of the Prophet, and requesting me to send him some silk spangled stuffs for the trousers of his harem when I reached Constantinople. I then received the embrace of my old master, the Mirza Firooz, who furnished me with letters to his old friends in England; and with these consolations I went home, rolled up my carpets, ordered my mule to be loaded, and my horses to be saddled; and, when all was ready, I locked the door of my house, and, putting the key in my pocket, I set off for the country of the Francs.

I reached Erzeroom without any difficulty, having become a gainer, rather than a loser, by my journey, owing to the presents which I extracted from the villages on the road, who made them out of consideration to the character of elchi, or ambassador, which I did not fail to assume. Having got to this city, I determined to repose for a few days; and, in order to refresh my memory upon the object of my mission, I passed my time in reading over the instructions with which I had been furnished.

Perhaps my readers may be glad to know their contents.

They were as follows:

"Instructions to the high in station, the Mirza Hajji Baba.

"That since, by the blessing of Allah, it has come to the knowledge of the asylum of the universe, the king of kings, that the good fortune which accompanied the infidels of England has turned upon them, it has appeared good to appoint some master of wit, some lord of understanding and experience, to go, and see, and consider, and to endeavour to extract advantage from misery, wealth from poverty, and instruction from wickedness: to that effect, the high in station, Hajji Baba, famous for his skill in Franc wisdom and language, the lord of accomplishment, the skilled in cunning and intelligence, has been appointed to this service.

"That as in every country good men are to be found among whole communities of bad, even as roses are seen to grow among thorns and thistles, the Hajji will, with that eye of discernment for which he is famous, discover such men among the infidels, and learn from them the why and the wherefore, the how and the when, and the truth, if such is to be found, of all that has taken place; beginning with the beginning, and going on to the present time; and marking the same in a book to be placed before the all-refulgent presence of the shadow of God upon earth.

"That, as it is strictly enjoined in our blessed Koran, written by the inspired Prophet, upon whom be blessings and peace! that true believers do inflict all the harm in their power upon infidels, even unto death, the Hajji is enjoined to take every advantage in his power of their distress; taking their goods at the smallest value; enticing their choice workmen into the land of Iran; holding out premiums of calaats, and the protection of the Shah to their wise men; and making it clear to them that it is better to make the confession of faith in the religion of Islam, than to persist in their own unclean belief; holding out promises of protection and advancement to those who, of their own free will, will shave their heads, let their beards grow, receive the proper marks, and say, "Laallah, illalah, Mohamed resoul Allah!" and assurances of toleration to those who through obstinacy and infatuation still eat the unclean beast, drink wine, and call Isau the only true prophet.

"That, upon arriving at the gate of the palace in London, he will proceed to the presence of the king, brother to the ancient friend and ally of Persia, if king he still be; and, after having delivered the all-auspicious letter with which he is charged, he will lift up his voice and say, 'O king, the asylum of the universe, whose slave I am, has sent me to thee in thy distress, to offer thee a seat at his gate, bread to eat, and the free usages of thy own country.' The Hajji will then use his own discretion, and his own tongue, according as circumstances may direct his wisdom, to console the Franc king in his distress, to point out to him the manner in which he will be received, and to hold out the prospect of commanding the Shah's ship in the Caspian Sea.

"That, having seen the king, he will repair to the famous Franc general, celebrated for having discomfited the great French conqueror, well known in Iran, and point out to him the advantages of serving the Shah, instead of sitting in a corner under a new king of his own people; and further, that he will place before him the certainty of his being appointed to command the Persian armies, who will not fail to take both Moscow and Petersburg, to burn the fathers of the Russians, and thus to entitle himself to such share of the pillage as the Shah in his greatness will allow him.

"Having secured these advantages, the Hajji will then cast his eyes about the country, and do his best endeavours to procure for the harem of the Shah three choice virgins, whose beauty must surpass everything that has been seen in Iran, with figures like poplar-trees, waists a span round, eyes like those of the antelope, faces round as the moon, hair to the swell of the leg, throats so fine that the wine may be seen in its passage through them, teeth like pearls, and breath like the gales wafted from the caravans of musk from Khatai. They are required to be mistresses of every accomplishment; to sing so loud and so long that they may be heard from the Ark to the Negaristan; to dance every dance, standing on their heads, and running on their hands. They must embroider, sew, and spin; they must know how to make halwa, or sweetmeats; how to light a kalioon, or pipe, and to play the jerid bazi on horseback. In short, they must unite all the accomplishments of Fars to the sagacity of Francs; and should they please the Shah, only for one hour, they will have the satisfaction of having made the Hajji's face white for ever.

"The Shah, in his wisdom, trusting to the misery which is now known to assail the English nation, enjoins the Hajji, as he would gain the royal favour, and gain a great name in Iran, ever to keep a watchful eye upon penknives, broad-cloth, chandeliers, and looking-glasses. He will make as large a collection as possible for the use of the Shah,—for nothing if he can: for little if he cannot for nothing. He will also accumulate every other desirable thing fitted for the use of the king, which may come within his grasp.

"In short, he will recollect that such another opportunity of acquiring advantages to his king and country as the breaking up of a large nation and government, will never perhaps again be afforded; and with this truth in his mind, that with one grain of wisdom frequently more is to be achieved than with the strength of armies, he will employ all his best wit to turn that head to account which Allah in his mercy has given to him, and which luck and the blessed Prophet has given to the asylum of the universe to employ."

When I had read over my instructions, I laid the head of confusion upon the pillow of repose, and sought in vain to relieve myself from the various strange images which they had brought into my brain. I feared that it would be impossible to bring the arduous business with which I was intrusted to a happy conclusion, and secure for myself a white face at the end of it, so difficult did it appear. However, the certainty that Allah kerim est, or God is merciful, came to my help: and with this soothing feeling, I quieted my apprehensions, and continued my road to Constantinople, fully persuaded that, be the true believer among Jews, Francs, or Muscovites, his only true help is in Allah.