Monkey Shines
Two young men were riding on a street car which I chanced to squeeze onto with some 249 other adults.
“I took my first drink last night, Algernon,” said one of the pair.
“Did you, Clarence? Honestly, where did you get it?” queried the other.
“Down at a near beer parlor. It was real near beer, too, with one-half of one per cent alcohol and everything.”
“I’ve been drinking, too,” said the other; “I had two whole glasses of near beer the other night. I was going to a party, you know, and wanted to get plenty of pep.”
“Did you drink your near beer straight, or did you dilute it with water?” asked Clarence.
“I drank it straight. I wanted to get the full kick. Straight, you know, with a coupla chasers.”
“I certainly went crazy after I took that drink, though. I thought I was going to try to sing at first,” said Clarence.
“I hope none of my friends saw the way I acted after I took that near beer the other night,” Algernon put in. “I went batty right away. I started telling all sorts of funny jokes and laughing ridiculously. Went to see my girl immediately after, and she said she could tell I had been drinking after I told her. She promised not to tell it, though.”
The two young men got off the car about this time, and a grizzled old dog sitting in front of me bit the neck off a bottle of turpentine he carried and drank the contents of the bottle. “I heard that pair talking,” he said.
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