His First Offense
In New York City, all those who are sent to jail for thirty days are required to take a bath. A bath attendant upon noticing that Ike Kabibble’s person was none too clean, suddenly exclaimed:
“Hey, there, you guy! Did you ever take a bath before?”
“Vell,” Abe replied, “I nefer vas arrested before.”
* * *
She said to him beneath the tree,
“Well, I’ll love you if you love me.”
The kiss he gave with love did burn,
She gave him ditto in return.
Arthur Neale’s Page
I joined a Frisco schooner—a good ship, I was told;
Bound for Sydney, New South Wales, with lumber in the hold.
We’d left the South behind, boys; began to feel the swell,
When the mate looked in the fo’c’sle. I said: “Mister, go away.”
* * *
Fascinated by the spell of the Smokehouse Poetry, and having sailed the seven seas and visited most every place East and West of Suez, including Hoboken, N. J., we wished to show the doubting Gus that we also could string together that line of verse. Hence the above. When we got to the fourth line, however, we grew tired and finished it up.
* * *
Gus writes us that he went to St. Paul the other day. He met a girl and they went into a movie. He says she sat there with her arm around his waist, and after she’d said good-bye he found it had been in his pocket as well.
* * *
’Tis better to have loved and lost when you read of some of the mean things they say in the divorce court.
* * *
“Now while you were at college, my son,
Tell me of some of the things you done.
I hope you kept off the cards and vice?”
“Certainly, father; I only played dice.”
“And you didn’t go to the races each day?”
“We bet right in school. They were so far away.”
“You don’t smoke cigarettes? I said it’s not right.”
“No. What I smoke, dad, are cigars and a pipe.”
“You didn’t go round with boys who were tough?”
“I went with the girls. But I never was rough.”
“You didn’t sneak out and do drinking by stealth?”
“Oh, nothing like that. I made it myself.”
“You mean to say you’ve taken a nip?”
“Sure. If you want a drink there’s some on my hip.”
“You never went to a midnight revue?”
“No. I went with the chorus when they were through.”
“I hope you didn’t get fighting, my son?”
“No one would try it. I carried a gun.”
“I suppose in all sport you took a delight?”
“Yes. I used to like dancing without any light.”
“Of course you took part in the baseball game?”
“I didn’t like baseball. It’s rather too tame.”
“You didn’t go help your club try and win?”
“No. I’d much rather help a girl try and swim.”
“And how much learning, my boy, can you show?”
“I’ve forgotten more than you’ll ever know.”
“I’m glad to see that my son is a man.”
“Yes. I can do more than you ever can.”
“My boy, I see you’re a lad of my heart.”
“All right—make it Paris. When do we start?”
* * *