On the Rocks
Lament of the Gold Striper
“God bless you, dearie, I’ll always be waiting,”
Before I got back she’d done other mating.
With a goop that stayed home without any rating,
’Twas while I was gone that he did all his bating.
Sad Refrain:
Nothing to think about, nothing to do,
Nothing to talk about, none to talk to,
Nothing to look at, nothing is new,
Nobody to love, no one loves you.
Nothing to drink except in the sea,
No one to say, “Have one on me,”
Bootleg it? Yes, if you have the fee,
The label is there, but it’s only weak tea.
The sun never shines, nothing but rain,
Feel sore all over, nothing but pain,
No steps forward, not any gain.
Left on the rocks, and lost in the game.
* * *
“You’ve got to admit one thing,” said the man who believes prohibition has gone into effect, “and that is since the country went dry you don’t see so many smashed up automobiles on the country roads.”
“Yes,” answered his friend, as he adjusted his glasses, “a fellow who takes more than one shot of the hootch sold nowadays never gets as far as the city limits.”
* * *
Their jests, their quips, insipid jokes,
I’ve heard till I am full;
Why can’t the men fling bullion,
Instead of flinging bull.
* * *
I’ve been swimming a lot lately and as a result am tanned a dark brown—so dark that my wife won’t let me out of her sight for a minute around the lakes—she’s afraid some women follower of the Stillman divorce case will mistake me for an Indian guide.
The Annual Is Out!
Whiz Bang’s greatest book—The Winter Annual Pedigreed Follies of 1921-22—hot off the press. Mailing will begin in a few days. To those thousands of Captain Billy’s friends who already have sent in their one dollar bills, checks or stamps, we extend congratulations. Yours will go out first, in the order in which your orders were and are being received.
PIN A DOLLAR BILL
Or your check, money order or stamps
To the coupon on the opposite page.
And receive our 256-page bound volume of jokes, jests, jingles, stories, pot pourri mail bag and Smokehouse poetry. The best collection ever put in print.
REMEMBER, FOLK
Last year our Annual (which was only one-fourth as large as the 1921-22 book) was sold out on the Pacific Coast within three or four days, and not a copy could be bought anywhere in the United States within ten days.
So hurry up! First Come will be First Served!
Pin your dollar bill to the coupon and mail to the Whiz Bang Farm, Robbinsdale, Minn.
Don’t write for early back copies of our regular issues.
We haven’t any left.
Our Winter Annual
In addition to republication of gems of earlier issues of Captain Billy’s Whiz Bang, the first complete Winter Annual of this great family journal will contain a large variety of brand new jokes, jests, jingles, pot pourri, stories, and smokehouse poetry. This book, Pedigreed Follies of 1921-22, will contain four times as much reading matter as the regular issue of the Whiz Bang and will sell for one dollar per copy. It will be a book which will be cherished by the readers for years to come, and will contain the greatest collection of red-blooded poetry yet put in print. Included in the list will be:
Johnnie and Frankie, The Face on the Barroom Floor, The Shooting of Dan McGrew, The Harpy, Lasca (in full), The Girl in the Blue Velvet Band, Langdon Smith’s “Evolution,” Advice to Men, Advice to Women, Our Own Fairy Queen, Stunning Percy LaDue, Parody on Kipling’s “The Ladies,” Toledo Slim.
Advance orders are now being received and will be mailed in the order in which they are received. Tear off the attached blank and mail to us today with your check, money order or stamps.
Whiz Bang,
Robbinsdale, Minnesota.
Gentlemen:
Enclosed is dollar bill, check, money order or stamps for $1.00 for which please send me the Winter Annual of Captain Billy’s Whiz Bang, “Pedigreed Follies of 1921-22.”
Name
Address
Everywhere!
Whiz Bang is on sale at all leading hotels, news stands, 25 cents single copies; on trains 30 cents, or may be ordered direct from the publisher at 25 cents single copies; two-fifty a year.
