For Freedom
Convict—“I’m here for having five wives.”
Visitor—“How are you enjoying your liberty?”
Questions and Answers
Dear Captain Billy—Where can I find a man like Fatty Arbuckle?—Marie De Wildmen.
We have referred your inquiry to Pedro.
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Dear Captain Billy—What makes the wild cat wild?—Larry Cranker.
Turpentine.
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Dear Captain Billy—What is a “soubrette?”—Ivegon Buggs.
A singer that gets $50 a week and sends $100 home to mother.
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Dear Captain Bill—How long does the three-foot kiss in the movies last?—Oscar Latory.
Long enough to warp the hands on an asbestos alarm clock.
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Dear Skipper—If you were a cowpuncher alone in a big city and without a pony, saddle, or lariat, and desired to corral a calf, what would you do?—Scare D. Catt.
“Getting Gertie’s Garter” is one of the biggest hits of the season.
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Captain Billy—Why is it that the motion picture producers must give their picture such blatant title as “Once to Every Woman,” “Why Change Your Wife?”, etc. Stage plays don’t have to have “alluring” names to be successful.—Legit.
Quite right, Legit. The “movies” ought to tone down their titles so as to make them drab and commonplace and on a par with such stage successes, as “Mary’s Ankle,” “Up in Mabel’s Room,” “Twin Beds,” and the recent Broadway hit, “Getting Gertie’s Garter.” The last must have been some job.
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Dear Captain Billy—What is a golf hazard and what does ex-President Taft playing golf remind you of?—Loon Attic.
A golf hazard is getting stung by a bee in a rough. Don’t know what Taft playing golf reminds of unless it’s a hippopotamus playing tiddlywinks.
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Dear Billy—What is the best way to tell a gentleman?—Root T. Toot.
The best way is to watch how he wears his evening clothes—or pajamas. The first is preferable for single folk.
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Dear Cap—What is meant by the stuff dreams are made of?—Near Beer.
Paint, powder, padding and false hair.
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Dear Captain Fawcett—Can you give me a recipe for a dish known as Strawberry Surprise?—Miss Conny Sewer.
Pick the bones out of a quart of strawberries. Add two pounds of borrowed sugar. Throw in a quart of oyster shells and three raisins. If it is good that’s the surprise.
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Dear Bill—What are the best furs for summer wear?—Parry Moore.
Deerskin, bearskin and moleskin probably would suit your tastes. Moleskin is very popular nowadays. No matter where the mole is the skin can be worn to show it.
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Dear Cap—Which animal is the better fighter—dog or badger?—B. D. Chamber.
It depends on how strong the badger is. In the usual badger fight, too, much depends on the proficiency shown in the art of releasing the badger.
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Dear Whiz Bang—What bird is known as the bird of peace?—Passy Fist.
The chicken.
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Captain Breezy Bill—Kindly give me your Whiz Bang definition of the phrase “Matrimonial Progress.”—Whipper Will.
Adhering strictly to Queens-Gooseberry rules, I cheerfully submit the following: “Maid One; Maid Won; Made One.”
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Dear Billy—Where do women’s styles start?—Miss Wobb L. Walke.
Styles start in Paris but we finish ’em here.
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Dear Whiz Bang—Can you tell me if it is true that some animals use their tails as signals?—Dr. Walloper.
Yes, indeed—here in Robbinsdale and elsewhere. The South American puma is said to agitate its tail-tip to entice grazing, curious creatures. The white underneath part of several varieties of deer are said to be used as a guide for other members of the herd. The horse uses his tail as a sun shade for the driver. Probably there are other animals that use their tails, but as we have never taken our post-graduate degree in tail technology, this meager answer will have to suffice for the present.
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Dear Captain Billy—Would you please define “Platonic Love?”—Plute O. Fizz.
“Platonic Love” means that you can kiss her all you want and forget she is a woman. But there ain’t no such animal.
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Dear Captain Billy—Is it true that Fatty Arbuckle is to plead “insanity”?—Aunty I. Over.
We wouldn’t be surprised. Fatty has been acting rather funny for several months.
Movie Hot Stuff
We wonder how Mary Miles Minter likes the idea of the battleship “New Mexico” being sent up to Puget Sound Navy Yard to have her bottom scraped. It is said the “New Mexico” carried away a handsome young officer “in the middle of a reel.”
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Dorothy Dalton has been seen dancing often of late at the Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles with her millionaire “angel,” Godsell, of the Goldwyn Film Company.
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Bebe Daniels and Jack Dempsey, the pugilist, as the press agents of the film companies may have told you, have been seen chattering in the jungle at the Ambassador Cocoanut Grove.
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Wanda Hawley has been vacationing at Catalina. Her hair has lately been bobbed and has lost its former brownishness, for it is now corn-tassel white. Wanda occupied a table in the center of the huge dining room of the St. Catherine Hotel and often dined with a tanned, slender, and quiet young man. Star and escort looked decidedly bored.
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Thompson Buchanan, Lasky scenario chieftain, is encouraging Helene Chadwick in her film career.
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Kathleen Clifford, clad in sports clothes and sandals, steps nights with a handsome dark stranger.
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Herbert Rawlinson, with a couple of minor actor friends in tow, spent a month at Catalina. Roberta Arnold, Herbert’s wife, seemed to be “somewhere on location” for she was not in those parts. The adoration of some hundreds of grammar school girls seemed centered on handsome Herb and his marvelous physique.
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Marshall Neilan’s “all in a minute” scenario writer, Lucita Squire, is still in the game.
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We know nothing about the scenario business but it is reported from the camps that Gouverneur Morris has discovered one of those “all in a minute” scenario writers in Ruth Wightman, and that she is now adapting his stories for the screen.
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May McAvoy and Eddie Sutherland are stepping about together.
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Clara Kimball Young is playing the navy.
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The same day Charley Chaplin was being carried on the shoulders of his admirers in London, that other world’s famous film comedian, “Fatty” Arbuckle, was being shouldered along to jail by policemen for his connection with the death of a motion picture actress in a San Francisco hotel.
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Jackie Saunders and Hubby Horkheimer haven’t been bathing at Long Beach of late. Some of the Iowans who inhabit the “metropolis” become “Infant terribles” when the name Horkheimer is mentioned.
Many of them are putting up their noses and saying, “I told you so!” Now, due to the publicity which centers around the mixup of Mr. and Mrs. Horkheimer, all because a few years ago the Horkheimer retinue of directors and players, in pursuing film art at the Balboa Studios at Long Beach, cavorted too fast and furious to suit the simple minded and puritanical Iowans, and Iowa sniffed long and loud and shrugged shoulders when the Horkheimer Company withdrew from that scene of piety.
Ho, hum!
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Apropos of the recent reports of a Geraldine Farrar and Lou Tellegen matrimonial “tangle,” Whiz Bang’s astute investigators have heard some interesting gossip among the imported French actors of Hollywood’s colony.
They report a story, which went the rounds in Paris just before Mr. Tellegen’s marriage to the great prima donna, to the effect that Lou was much infatuated at one time with an actress of the French capital, but that this “Love” was then on the struggling rung of the ladder of fame and with her name yet to make.
Of late our Frenchie friends are saying this actress has attained fame and fortune in Paris, which brings up the speculation as to the possibilities of Lou’s wayward thoughts returning to the scene of early days. Then again all this talk may be plain bull of the press agent variety to advertise Tellegen’s new play “Don Juan,” which soon will open in New York.
After the failure of Lou’s play, “Blind Youth,” on the stage to startle the public, he announced his intentions of devoting talents to the cinema art. Subsequently he played and directed at the Lasky and Goldwyn lots, but the Pickfords and Chaplins continued to hold a monopoly on the “silent applause.” Now Lou is returning to his former art before the footlights, and we wish him much luck. Lou is a good actor as everybody knows, but we can’t all be on top, as our friend Owen Moore might remark.
Everyone who has had any close association with the premier song bird, Geraldine, loves her. When she lived in Hollywood her sweet strains were heard as early as five and six o’clock in the morning. Often she was up at daybreak to practice for a concert tour. Frequently she arrived at the studio before eight o’clock and played all day and in the evening entertained friends with opera selections. In spite of the very busy life she led, Mrs. Tellegen (Geraldine Farrar) always was good natured and radiant with enthusiasm, and she has been placed among America’s most remarkable women. Geraldine has never been known to “high-tone” studio menials, and it is said that Geraldine is of a forgiving nature for any flirting by Lou when they are apart, but that she insisted on Tellegen keeping to the home fireside when they were lucky enough to be in the same city. There is much speculation as to the final outcome of the Tellegen and Farrar ventures.
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