The Young Gringo
Havana’s tropical sunshine, coupled with a few jolts of “Ron Bacardi Superior,” hath driven ye old cap’n to lyrical lines of lisping lingo. So I sit me down on my cane bottom chair with pencil stub in hand to transcribe that famous Cholo rhyme, “The Young Gringo.” The poem has to do with the proper actions of Americans in Cuba, and other tropical countries.
The first you must learn is to listen, not speak,
For the one thing we hate is a youngster with cheek,
Shut up from the first; be attentive and meek
When you’re next to a hardened old gringo.
And now, from the start, don’t mistakenly think,
That to be a good sport you must gamble and drink,
And play the darn fool: to rise up—not sink—
Is the motto of every right gringo.
But, if you do gamble and never can win,
Don’t damn at the dice-box, and kick up a din,
But keep your tongue silent, and switch on a grin,
And pay up your debts like a gringo.
Don’t think that love’s river continually flows;
But just take a tip from a fellow who knows,
And pay for the water for washing your clothes—
It’s cheaper all round for the gringo.
Yet, when you have read this, you don’t think I’m right,
And, in spite of the caution, your love-thoughts take flight,
Then take my advice, son; wed something that’s white!
It’s best in the end for a gringo.
If you happen to take a fair damsel to dine,
Don’t squander your money to put up a shine,
But order her beer (though she may ask for wine),
Or you’ll sure be a fool of a gringo.
Now, if you must drink, my advice to begin
Is to stick to a whisky and soda ... or gin;
And never forget that the bottle must win,
For it’s never been beat by a gringo.
So don’t go on thinking your inside’s a sieve;
And now there’s a piece of advice I would give:
If you ain’t good, be careful!... and then you may live
To get your grey hairs as a gringo.
Be slow to offend, and reluctant to blame;
Be quick to forgive; and treat all men the same—
You must hold a Straight Flush in life’s little game
To be worthy the name of a gringo.
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