The Maid Knew a Thing or Two
“Madam,” said the book-agent as the door was opened by a very comely maid, “I am selling a new book on etiquette and deportment.”
“Oh, you are,” she responded. “Go down there on the grass and clean the mud off your feet.”
“Yes’m,” and he went. “As I was saying, ma’am,” he continued as he again came to the door, “I am sell——”
“Take off your hat! Never address a strange lady at her door without removing your hat.”
“Yes’m.” And off went the hat. “Now, then, as I was saying——”
“Take your hands out of your pockets. No gentleman ever carries his hands there.”
“Yes’m,” and his hands clutched at his coat lapels. “Now, ma’am, this work on eti——”
“Throw out your cud. If a gentleman uses tobacco he is careful not to disgust others by the habit.”
“Yes’m,” and the tobacco disappeared. “Now, ma’am,” as he wiped his brow, “in calling your attention to this valuable——”
“Wait. Put that dirty handkerchief out of sight. I don’t want your book. I am only the hired girl. You can come in, however, and talk with the lady of the house. She called me a liar this morning and I think she needs something of the kind.”