Comicalities, Original and Selected.
MR. JOHN BULL'S IDEAS ON THE MUSQUITO QUESTION.
Young Ladies (both at once).—"Why, Mr. Bull! how terribly you have been bitten by the Musquitoes!"
Mr. Bull (a fresh importation).—"I can't hunderstand 'ow it 'appened. I did hevery thing I could think of to keep them hoff. I 'ad my window hopen and a light burning hall night in my hapartment!"
STARVATION FOR THE DELICATE.
That exquisite young officer, Captain Gandaw, was reading a newspaper, when his brilliant eye lighted on the following passage in a letter which had been written to the journal by Mr. Mechi, on the subject of "Irrigation."
"I may be thought rather speculative when I anticipate that within a century from this period, the sewage from our cities and towns will follow the lines of our lines of railway, in gigantic arterial tubes, from which diverging veins will convey to the eager and distant farmer the very essence of the meat and bread which he once produced at so much cost."
"Fancy," remarked the gallant Captain, "the sewage of towns and cities being the essence of owa bwead and meat—and of beeaw too, of cawse, as beeaw is made from gwain! How vewy disgasting! Mr. Mechi expects that his ideas will be thought wathaw speculative.—He flatters himself. They will only be consida'd vewy dawty. The wetch! I shall be obliged to abjaw bwead, and confine myself to Iwish potatoes—which are the simple productions of the awth—and avoid all animal food but game and fish. And when fish and game are not in season, I shall be unda the necessity of westwicting my appetite to
"A scwip with hawbs and fwuits supplied,
And wataw fwom the spwing."
YOUNG NEW YORK HARD UP.
Tender Mother.—"A hundred Dollars! why, what can you want a hundred dollars so soon for?"
Young New York.—"Why, Mother, I'm deucedly hard up. I'm almost out of Cologne and Cigars. Besides, the fellows are going to run me for President of the St. Nicholas Club, and I must pony up my dues, and stand the Champagne."
A VICTIM OF THE TENDER PASSION.
Young Lady.—"Now then, what is it that you wish to say to me that so nearly concerns your happiness?"
Enamored Juvenile.—"Why, I love you to the verge of distraction, and can't be happy without you! Say, dearest, only say that you will be mine!"
A STRIKING EXPRESSION.
Roguy.—"See that girl looking at me, Poguy?"
Poguy.—"Don't I? Why, she can't keep her eyes off you."
Roguy (poking Poguy in the waistcoat).—"What women care for, my boy, isn't Features, but Expression!"
SCENE IN A FASHIONABLE LADIES' GROGGERY.
Young Lady "couldn't take any thing—only a Pine-apple Ice"—but the ice once broken, she makes such havoc upon pies, tongue, Roman punches, tarts, Champagne, and sundry other potables and comestibles, as to produce a very perceptible feeling in the Funds.
RATHER A BAD LOOK-OUT.
Young Sister.—"Oh, Mamma! I wish I could go to a party."
Mamma.—"Don't be foolish. I've told you a hundred times that you can not go out until Flora is married. So do not allude to the subject again, I beg. It's utterly out of the question."
THE ATTENTIVE HUSBAND IN AUGUST.
Edward.—"There, Dearest, do you feel refreshed?"
Angelina.—"Yes, my Love. A little more upon the left cheek, if you please. That's much nicer than fanning one's self. Now a little higher, on my forehead."