AN APPEAL.
I wish you would buy me a wheel, daddy dear,
Oh, really and truly I do.
It's worth quite a million of dollars to me,
And costs but twelve dollars for you.
And nothing I know of in all of this world,
No matter how hard I may think,
So easily keeps me from mischief at home,
Like cutting up pranks with your ink.
So buy me a bicycle, papa, I pray,
A wheel that will spin like a breeze,
And keep me from getting in trouble in-doors;
I am truly so anxious to please.
Patrick had a nice little trade in ice in the small town of B——, and everything progressed smoothly, until one day a rival set up business, and by degrees took Pat's customers away. Patrick was very mad and swore vengeance, but was at a loss how to accomplish the matter. At last he hit upon a plan, and immediately proceeded to put it into execution.
He visited each of the customers he had lost, and solemnly assured them that his rival only sold warm ice.
A theatrical manager had considerable trouble with his star actor, who was constantly meeting with accidents or falling sick. One day, as the story goes, the star was hurt in a boiler explosion. When the manager heard of it he remarked to his agent, "I am sick of this sort of thing. Advertise him, as usual, and add that we intend bringing out a new piece, in which the great star Mr. D—— will appear in several parts."
Bobby. "I wish the Lord had made the world in two days."
Jack. "Why?"
Bobby. "Then we'd have had three Sundays a week."