A WITTY DECISION.
A good story is told of Dr. Arne, the composer of the English national hymn "Rule, Britannia." He was called upon one day to judge between two singers, neither of whom was worthy of a moment's consideration. After patiently hearing them, he said to one of the contestants,
"You are the worst singer I ever heard in my life."
"Ah!" cried the other, exultingly, "then I win?"
"No," said Dr. Arne. "You can't sing at all."
"Well, my son," said the Freshman's father, "I am very glad you have gone on your class football team. Have you got everything you need?"
"Everything, father, except a new set of teeth, and I may be able to get through the year without losing those that I have," replied the Freshman.
Jack got asking his grandmother questions the other night. One of them was:
"Grandma, if you was a centipede, would you always insist on putting on fifty pairs of rubbers before you walked on the grass?"
Up to this hour the dear old lady has not made up her mind on the important point.
Li Hung-Chang, the famous Chinaman who visited this country a short time ago, made quite an impression in England for his wit and apparent ingenuousness, although it was more than suspected that some of the old gentleman's remarks were not so bland as they seemed. One incident especially amused the Britishers. It was when Li Hung-Chang met Joseph Chamberlain, who affects a monocle. The Chinaman noticed the single eye-glass, and took it for granted that the Colonial Secretary had lost the use of one eye, and he offered him his sincere condolences.