A BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO.

(Latest Parliamentary Version.)

Mr. H. Fowler sings. (Air—"Daisy Bell.")

There's mazy misgiving upon my part,

Hazy, hazy,

Women, by Walter M'Laren's art,

Muddle my "Mazy Bill."

Whether I love it or love it not,

Down I must gulp this pill.

She-suffrage complicates the plot,

Much, of my "Mazy Bill"!

Chorus—

Mazy! Mazy!

She-Voter, sit up, do!

I'm half crazy,

All with the weight of you!

You will not be robbed by marriage

Of a ride on this bi-wheeled carriage.

You look so sweet

(So you think) on the seat

Of a Bicycle built for Two!

We must go "tandem," like man and wife!—

Aisy! Aisy!—

Am I not working away for life,

Driving my "Mazy Bill"?

Taking you up, as an extra load,

Taxes my strength and skill.

Rough and up-hill is the country road,

Run by the "Mazy Bill."

Chorus—

Lazy! Lazy!—

Spin like a "Scorcher"—do!

I'm half crazy

With the dead weight of you!

Spinster or bound in marriage,

You claim gratuitous carriage;

But—use your feet

If you must have a seat,

On this Bicycle built for Two!

I must stand by you? Oh yes, I know!

They see, they see,—

M'Laren and Stansfeld, Jesse and Joe,—

I'm bound to my "Mazy Bill."

You'll take the lead, if I don't mistake.

Then, if you work your will,

Who will there be to put on the brake,

Working my "Mazy Bill"?

Chorus—

Hazy! Hazy!

Such is the country view!

Squires half crazy,

All for sheer dread of you!

Maidens or marred by marriage,

Your sex means claiming their carriage;

But, I feel dead beat

With your weight on the seat

Of this Bicycle—built for Two!

CONVERSATION BOOK FOR CANDIDATES.

(When the Ladies have the Franchise.)

Voter. Are you sure you are quite steady?
Candidate. Quite. And I am prepared to give the best time of my life to the consideration of the most important——
V. Thank you, that will do. But do you think that a carriage is necessary for a wife?
C. Certainly, and it would be a grievance if she had not one. By a development of the trade of the country I believe that——
V. Thank you, that will do. And I suppose you admit the equality of the sexes?
C. Undoubtedly, considering that the highest places in the university class lists are carried off by——
V. Thank you, that will do. And I suppose you, if elected, will have a fortune sufficiently ample to afford a house in Eaton Square, a place in the country, a yacht in the Solent, a box at the opera, and all the other necessary etceteras?
C. Most probably. I hold it to be the duty of every legislator to see that his wealth is sufficient to enable him to give his individual time to the service of his constituents, and——
V. Thank you, that will do. I presume, if you married, you would like your wife's mother to occasionally visit her daughter?
C. Theoretically, yes. Judging for others, I would say that no subject of greater interest than happy domestic arrangement could be imagined. I would insist that the well-being of the family circle is of paramount importance, and that——
V. Thank you, that will do. And now for my last question. If you are elected will you be prepared to marry my eldest daughter?
C. That is a matter of great moment which requires the most careful consideration. Without absolutely pledging myself to any course of action, I may declare that——
V. Thank you, that will do. And now I will examine your opponent!