OVERHEARD FRAGMENT OF A DIALOGUE
Lord Illingworth. My dear Goring, I assure you that a well-tied tie is the first serious step in life.
Lord Goring. My dear Illingworth, five well-made button-holes a day are far more essential. They please women, and women rule society.
"Full of good things!"
Lord Illingworth. I understood you considered women of no importance?
Lord Goring. My dear George, a man's life revolves on curves of intellect. It is on the hard lines of the emotions that a woman's life progresses. Both revolve in cycles of masterpieces. They should revolve on bi-cycles; built, if possible, for two. But I am keeping you?
Lord Illingworth. I wish you were. Nowadays it is only the poor who are kept at the expense of the rich.
Lord Goring. Yes. It is perfectly comic, the number of young men going about the world nowadays who adopt perfect profiles as a useful profession.
Lord Illingworth. Surely that must be the next world? How about the Chiltern Thousands?
Lord Goring. Don't. George. Have you seen Windermere lately? Dear Windermere! I should like to be exactly unlike Windermere.
Lord Illingworth. Poor Windermere! He spends his mornings in doing what is possible, and his evenings in saying what is probable. By the way, do you really understand all I say?
Lord Goring. Yes, when I don't listen attentively.
Lord Illingworth. Reach me the matches, like a good boy—thanks. Now—define these cigarettes—as tobacco.
Lord Goring. My dear George, they are atrocious. And they leave me unsatisfied.
Lord Illingworth. You are a promising disciple of mine. The only use of a disciple is that at the moment of one's triumph he stands behind one's chair and shouts that after all he is immortal.
Lord Goring. You are quite right. It is as well, too, to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be learnt.
Lord Illingworth. Certainly, and ugliness is the root of all industry.
Lord Goring. George, your conversation is delightful, but your views are terribly unsound. You are always saying insincere things.
Lord Illingworth. If one tells the truth, one is sure sooner or later to be found out.
Lord Goring. Perhaps. The sky is like a hard hollow sapphire. It is too late to sleep. I shall go down to Covent Garden and look at the roses. Good-night, George! I have had such a pleasant evening!