THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL.
["It is impossible for me to dine out either in private or in public without having those confounded telephones mentioned to me."
Mr. Hobhouse.]
She was so young but fair to see;
Her eye conveyed the glad regard;
She murmured to the P.M.G.
That life was very, very hard
(It never crossed his mind that she
Was double seven five Gerrard).
She spoke of love, as ladies will;
He thought it no affair of his;
"I cannot say," he said, "until
You tell me what your trouble is;"
So while he ate and drank his fill
She told him all about it, viz.:—
"Augustus, handsome, tall and lean,
Excels in every kind of sport;
Such perfect men have rarely been,
And cash with him is never short;
His words are few and far between;
He is the strong and silent sort.
"His courage is sublime, and yet
His manly shyness is absurd;
Of all the girls he ever met
It was myself he most preferred;
He'd try and try, but couldn't get
His wretched tongue to say the word.
"Speech was to him a foreign art.
He hired a poet of repute,
Learnt yards of eloquence by heart,
Came, full of it, to press his suit;
At sight of me forgot his part ...
What could I say when he was mute?
"But there are ways and means for those
Who like to sit and blush alone,
And, undetected, to propose
In phrases other than their own ..."
(The P.M.G.'s suspicions rose;
This sounded like the telephone).
"And this, on second thoughts, was what
Augustus hit upon, and he
Affirmed a passion, strong and hot.
Where one might hear but none might see,
And was accepted on the spot,
But not, confound you, Sir, by me.
"Yours was the fault, you monster, who,
Unmoved, unblushing, dare to dine!"
Her victim turned a little blue
And cleared his throat and muttered, "Mine?"
"Yes, yours!" she cried. "You put him through
(For good) to double seven nine!"