THE FUTURE OF HOME RULE.
Mr. Gl-dst-ne: Another Telepathic Automatic Interview.
I had not seen Mr. Gl-dst-ne for two days, nor had I heard from him for three posts, neither knew I where he was. I knew he had been at Downing Street. That evening I found myself in an Inner Circle train, and no sooner there than I made up my mind to ask Mr. Gl-dst-ne if he would mind my interviewing him. My hand at once wrote—on the margin of my evening paper—that he was at Downing Street, and that I might have the interview. It was quite an ordinary one, except that I thought the questions and wrote the answers on my knee with my hand. "Well, Mr. Gl-dst-ne," I said, or, rather, thought, "what do you think of Home Rule?" My hand (not the Old Parliamentary Hand) wrote:—
"W. E. G. I do not think that I shall be in any way departing from what has long since become to be recognised as the practice applicable to this present set of circumstances, a practice to which I am able to speak from an experience of more than sixty years, when I say speaking, not merely for myself, but for the whole of the Members of the Cabinet, and, indeed, I may fairly say of the Government in its entirety, that we are not indisposed to grant to Ireland that measure of self-government for which she is asking in a constitutional way through her duly elected representatives, and that we earnestly hope that as a result of our efforts we may be enabled, with a reasonable prospect of finality, to put an end to a condition of affairs which for the whole of the present century has embittered our relations with our sister country, and has exposed us to the censures of every authority in the civilised world whose acknowledged competency entitles him to an opinion."
Then I ventured a question as to the future. "What about Home Rule next Session, Mr. Gl-dst-ne?"
"The question as to what position the Home Rule controversy will assume next Session is naturally one which can only be determined when we have before us all the facts which are essential for the purpose of enabling us to arrive at a definitive conclusion, and as soon as it becomes reasonably plain what the exact position of parties will be when it becomes necessary to decide on what lines the policy of the Government will proceed. I may, however, say that, whilst not forgetful in any way of the obligations of honour under which the Liberal party lie to the Irish people, and whilst it will be our duty at the earliest available moment to press forward measures which shall carry out our pledges in that direction, we shall not forget that the consideration of what are not unnaturally termed English reforms is an imperative necessity, to which the attention of the Government will be directed at the first opportunity."
By this time I had reached Charing Cross, and as I passed out the ticket-examiner handed me a postcard. It was in Mr. Gl-dst-ne's writing. Judge of my astonishment when I found that quite spontaneously he had written to me just what I had written in the interview. I at once wrote to him and informed him of what had happened. His answer was: "It is most extraordinary. If I didn't believe all you tell me, I should have come to the conclusion that you faked (I think that is the word) the interview up out of my old speeches." So there you have the whole story. Someone suggests I should publish the postcard. Curiously enough, I have mislaid it. But two and two make four, and you can go and ask the ticket-examiner.
Cause and Effect.
"I am occupied with my secretaries while I am dressing."—Lord Herschell to the deputation of Liberal Members, Nov. 16.
"Mr. K. Muir Mackenzie, Q.C., Permanent Sec. to the Lord Chancellor, has been made a Companion of the Bath."—Daily Paper.
PLEASANT SPOOKERY.
Yes, thanks to Brandon Thomas's skill, and Penley's comic nous, The lucky "Globe" may well be called the real 'Aunt-ed House!
BABY-WORSHIP. (THE POINT OF VIEW.)
"Your Nieces seem very fond of Babies, Mr. Sinnick. I suppose you are too?"
"Oh yes; like 'em awfully; especially when they begin to Cry."
"Ah, you think the dear little things are in pain?"
"Yes; and somebody rings the Bell, you know, and the Nurse comes, and the dear little things are taken away to the Nursery!"