LIBERTY LOQUITUR.
["I am persuaded that the true interests of the entire working-classes of this country are bound up with respect for individual freedom, and that to overlook it, or to bring the smallest interference in restriction of it, unless under absolute necessity, would be a sad mistake upon the part of the working-classes."—Mr. Gladstone to the Deputation of Miners from Durham and Northumberland.]
I stand between you—Capital and Labour,—
And each of you invokes my "sacred name."
Sacred! Were love of freedom and one's neighbour
Coöperant, claim would not conflict with claim.
But heed my words, outspoken yet meant kindly;
I suffer whilst ye stone each other blindly.
Solicitous—in speech—of my intactness,
Ye damage and deface me in your strife.
Your aims, expressed with full and fair exactness.
Mean fratricidal strife, war to the knife.
Encounter hot, and fierce retaliation
Must vainly prate about conciliation.
Union is strength; but banded for oppression
Toilers are tyrants, and employers—knaves.
Plain speech! Monopolist wealth in high possession
Treated its scattered thralls as serfs and slaves.
And now the lesson of the scourge and fetter
Emancipated toil would learn—and better.
Divide and govern! That, beneath all glosing
About Free Labour, is Wealth's motto still;
Ingenious fudge on shallow wits imposing,
On banded Labour to impose its will,
Capital needs (and lauds) Labour unbanded.
The Many-headed dreads the Many-handed!
But set one half his hands against the other,
And e'en Briareus may be safely tackled.
Whilst "Unionist" is foiled by "Blackleg" brother,
Labour fights Capital with limbs half shackled.
Hence Federations chant, in sweet communion,
Hymns to the blessed Liberty of non-Union!
And Labour, which loves Liberty—of striking,
Hates "Blackleg" freedom with a furious hate.
"Make all men do according to my liking!"
Seems now the cry all round us in the State.
Monopolist, Miner, Temperance fanatic,
All crave compulsion with a force emphatic.
But Legal Eight Hours Day, or Local Veto,
"Blackleg" suppression, Anti-Union law,
Mean "make the others to myself say ditto!"
"Restriction" is the newest ass's-jaw
For slaying all our foes, from Wealth to Drink,
Hailed with applause, save by the few who think.
If from proved ill to legal prohibition
Were step as plain and proper as some deem,
To diagnose (and cure) the State's condition
Were easy as some Socialistic dream.
But Looking Backward—or e'en forward—'s found
Poor substitute for wisdom's look all round.
Labour, you would be free to fix your wages;
Capital, you'd be free to pick your men:
Love of free Union the one's tongue engages,
Love of free "Knobsticks" fires the other's pen;
But love of Freedom for her own fair self,—
How much of it moves Poverty or Pelf?
Eight hours in the dark coal-seam, good friend Labour,
Humanity admits more than enough.
But fix it so, whilst neighbour wars' with neighbour,
And mine with mine about it? Task too tough,
Too desperate dilemma, for a Statesman,
Why you can't settle it with your own mates, man!
Capital, does your passion for Toil's Freedom
Mean much more than desire to smash Toil's Union?
He sells his birthright for the mess of Edom,
The "Blackleg" Esau selling Work's communion
Into the bonds of Wealth, well knit and strong,
His comrades say. Are they entirely wrong?
Thus Individual Freedom suffers scath
On all sides. Can you plead Necessity's fiat?
For me you boast your love, proclaim your faith,
But, battered by the missiles you let fly at
Each other, I with Roland, cry in shame,
What tyrannous things are done in Freedom's name!
Grand Old Miner. "DON'T KNOW HOW I SHOULD GET THROUGH WITH MY WORK, IF I WERE TIED DOWN TO EIGHT HOURS A DAY!"
FALBULOUS!
Dr. Falb, of Vienna, knows when earthquakes and eruptions are going to occur. Mr. Morley said, the other day, in the House of Commons, that the best way of treating a prophet was not to believe him; but this is rather difficult when the prophet happens to be right, as Dr. Falb generally is. For example, he predicted the last terrible earthquake at Zante, which only came one day before it was due. Dr. Falb has been interviewed about how he does it,—or perhaps it would be more appropriate to say, that he has been subjected to some mild "Heckling"—and he appears to hold that it is the action of the Moon on the tides which is responsible. In support of his theory it has been noticed that it is quite a custom of the people at Zante, after their houses have fallen in on their heads, to observe—"That was a tidy shock!" These predictions should help them to tide over the periods of danger.
COURT OUT!
What is an "Original Farcical Romance"? The immediate reply is that The Amazons, by Mr. Pinero, is a specimen of the genus. To see The Amazons ought to supply the terms of the required definition. I have seen it, and yet the definition does not satisfy me. "Original"! Well—more or less; but to use old materials in a novel manner is quite enough for originality. The girl brought up as a boy is not absolutely new or original, vide Tom Noddy's Secret, and multiply the heroine of that farce by three. The three men hunting after the three girls and obtaining access to them at school—substituting, in this case, home for school, and a mother for a school-mistress—is not absolutely new or original; but, again, what matters this to anyone, so long as the new shape given to the old material is genuinely amusing? So "farcical" goes with "original." But now, as to its being a "Romance?" Would not the term "burlesque" be a better term than "Farcical Romance?"
One of the Points of the Piece. The Queen of the Amazons gets the Needle.
The characters of the three adventurous lovers are not less burlesque than were those of the three Knights in Albert Smith's romantic Extravaganza, The Alhambra, played then by Alfred Wigan, and Mr. and Mrs. Keeley. So if I may take it that "Farcical Romance" is only a way out of describing the piece as "burlesque," then I know how to class it, and what to expect. Now I must own that my puzzlement is due to my own fault, for it so chanced that I did not look at the author's description of his play until after leaving the theatre. I thought I was seeing something that was intended to be as broad a farce as Bébé, alias Betsy, but I soon found that, whatever it might be, it wasn't this. It is capitally acted by all, but especially, on "the Spear Side," by Mr. Weedon Grossmith and F. Kerr, the former as an effeminate Earl, and the latter as a manly Viscount. But, even from a burlesque point of view, Mr. Elliot overdoes the Frenchman, a part which belongs to a stage-family of Frenchmen, of which, in former times, Alfred Wigan was the best representative; and, later, Mons. Marius, who, as the French sporting nobleman, in Family Ties, in love with an English "Mees," and so proud of his English slang, was simply the character to the life, without any more exaggeration than was artistically necessary. On "the Spindle Side," Miss Lily Hanbury looks handsome, and is generally fairly well-suited; Miss Pattie Browne has the most difficult part of the three, and it is not to be wondered at if she a bit out-tommies Tommy. Miss Ellaline Terris looks, acts, and sings charmingly as Lady Wilhelmina, and Miss Caldwell gives a good touch of low comedy to "the Sergeant."
The places where the fun comes in, as it does occasionally, and is therefore the more precious, are chiefly with Weedon Grossmith, and in the scenes between Mr. F. Kerr and Miss Hanbury. The piece is not up to the former "screamers," such as Dandy Dick, The Magistrate, and My Aunt, or whatever was the title of the farce in which Mr. Weedon Grossmith played the part of Mrs. John Wood's solicitor. The scenery by Mr. Hall is Hall good, specially the woodland scene in Overcote Park.
"We loathe Music."
"Much Ado About Nil."—Were the Temporal Power in existence, the Lord Mayor, in proposing the toast of the Pope before that of the Queen, would have been guilty of a blunder, and we all know, on Talleyrand's authority, how far worse is a blunder than a crime. But the Pope, being no longer "two single gentlemen rolled into one," but simply, as it might be set down in a Play-bill of Dramatis Personæ, "First Bishop," and also by his own style and title, "Servus Servorum," the health of His Holiness (which is uncommonly good) might, in British Dominions, be introduced after that of the Queen and Royal Family, and could be fitted into Church and State as neatly as possible, that is, where such a toast is a necessity of the entertainment. But the stupidity of the incident has been surpassed by the idiocy of the notice taken of it, and, for the sake of the common sense of the Common Council, it is to be hoped that a large majority will be on the side of Alderman and Sheriff Renals, and refuse to toast the Lord Mayor on the Gridiron of Lawrence.
Drury Lane Opera Record.—Bohemian Girl going strong, Cavalleria Rusticana still the attraction. "Happy Thought" (vide Druriolanus's Diary)—"Revive La Juive." Done it! and done it well. Giannini, as Eleazaro, excellent. Rachele not up to Rachel in acting (for those who may remember that tragédienne), but Mlle. Gherlsen, representing the Jew's daughter, does what the great Rachel could not do, that is, sing. La Juive will be given during the Covent Garden season; so these performances may be considered as very superior rehearsals. Carmen on Thursday, instead of Il Trovatore.—the Trovatore being Il, couldn't appear. With all due sympathy and respect for Trovatore, Carmen was gratefully received. Signor Pignalosa, as the Toréador, very good, and obtained his encore; so this Toréador was "contento." Mlle. Guercia was a fascinating Carmen, and what is any Carmen if not fascinating?
TAKEN IN, BUT NOT DONE FOR.
(Overflow Letters, probably originally intended for a Contemporary.)
SIR,—No doubt you have seen in the papers recently a number of letters, giving accounts of the stoppage of cabs by well-dressed young men, who, after heartily greeting the occupants, have asked for the loan of a sovereign. The other day something of the same sort occurred to me. I got into an omnibus, when a man, purporting to be a Conductor, asked me for my fare. I replied that I would pay him later on. He then proceeded to mount to the roof, apparently to collect other money, when I quickly descended. I firmly believe that, had I not acted promptly, I should have been defrauded of three-pence. Believe me, yours, &c.,
Vigilant.
SIR,—I think you should know the last dodge. I was walking home from a rather heavy dinner the other evening, when I came across a man exactly like myself. He might have been my twin brother. He didn't say anything, but put out his hand towards me as if asking for alms. Of course I refused, as I could see that the man was drunk. A little later I was escorted home by a policeman. The next morning, when I got to the spot where I had been accosted by this silently-begging stranger, I found a looking-glass. The police say they have the matter in hand, but they do not see much prospect of finding the original.
—T. O'Baccus.
SIR,—As a warning to the less wary, I beg to send you the following particulars:—A short time ago I met at a Charity Banquet an Alderman who was apparently a most excellent gentleman; and I lay a stress upon this fact to show how deceptive are appearances. After the speeches, my City friend said he would like to subscribe to the benefaction. He asked me if I had change for a five-pound note. I replied I had only four pounds. He said that that would do, and that I could forward him the additional sovereign at my leisure. I then handed over the quartette of golden coins in exchange for his bank-note. Immediately afterwards I quitted the apartment to ascertain if the note was genuine. I have not seen the Alderman since. I may add that although I believe the draft a forgery, I have received its full alleged value from the Bank of England.
Caution.
THE TWO HENRIES.—Congratulations to Sir Henry Isaacs. The other Sir Henry, which his name is Hawkins, the Judge, observed that he had "a conviction that the case against Sir H. Isaacs ought not to go to a jury." So one Henry had a conviction, and the other hadn't.
