MARY-ANNER ON THE COMING MODE.
["That there is much to be said for crinoline on hygienic grounds, and on those of cleanliness, must be obvious to its most prejudiced opponents."—Lady Jeune "In Defence of Crinoline.">[
Dear Polly,—This comes hooping—I mean hoping, as you're heard,
As the Queen and the Princess o' Wales declines to be absurd,
And put their foot in it—dear me!—I mean to put it down
Upon the coming Crinerline! A-arsting of the Crown
To hinterfere with hus, dear,—wich I means the female sect,—
In our Fashions, is fair himperence. But, wot can yer expect
From parties—wich they may be litterary, or may not—
As carn't see any beauty in balloon-skirts? Reglar rot!
I'm a-pinin' for it, Polly, wich in course, my dear, I mean
That convenient, cleanly cover-all, wot's called the Crinerline!
It hides so much, my Polly; wich I'm sure, my dear, you'll twig!
As dear Lady June informs hus, the too-little or too-big,
The scraggy and the crummy ones, the lanky 'uns and the lumps,
Will be grateful for a fashion as is kind to bones and 'umps.
Eel-skin skirts may suit the swells, dear, and the straight, and slim, and tall,
And—well, them whose wardrobe's plentiful; they don't suit me at all;
Wich I'm four-foot-ten and stoutish, as to you is well beknown;
I'm a bit short in the legs like, my limbs do not run to bone.
Now my purse won't run to petticuts and cetrer hevery week,
As a pound a month won't do it. Ho! it's like their blessed cheek,
Missis John Strange Winter's Ammyzons as Lady June remarks—
To swear Crinerline is "ojus," dear, and 'idjous. 'Twill be larks
To see them a wearin 'ooped-skirts, as in course they're bound to do,
When they fair become the fashion. Yus, for all their bubbaroo.
The seving thousand Leaguers, and their Leader will cave in,
And wear wot now they swear is jest a shame, dear, and a sin.
I do not care a snap wot the opinion of the men is,
Nor yet for the hesthetecks, nor the toffs as play at Tennis;
I sez 'Ooped Skirts for hever! This Strange Winter's out o' tune,
I prefers the Summer, Polly, wich I mean dear Lady June.
Anti-Crinerline be jiggered! I've got one dear mother wore,
Though the steels is a bit twisted, and the stuff a trifle tore,
I can fake it up, when Fashion gives the watch-word, I've no doubt,
And I ony wish 'twould come, dear, with my first fine Sunday hout.
Drat these sniffy snapping Leaguers! Ho! they fancy they're high-tone,
But I'll give 'em the straight griffin. Leave our petticuts alone!
They may take it from me, Polly, they'll soon drop their bloomin' banner,
If all women show the sperrit of,
Yours trooly,
Mary-Anner.
Cue for Kennington (especially after the smart seconding of the Address in the Lower House).—"Mark—Beaufoy!"
An Example of a "Suspensory Bill" would be a small account from your haberdasher's for a pair of braces.