Mrs. Gilwattle rises slowly, bristling with indignation.
Lord. Strath. I did—distinctly. But I gave you credit for its being accidental. And, if you wish to know, I said I smoked because I do. I don't see why you should expect me to lie about it!
Mr. Tid. I don't agree with you. I consider you ought to have had more tact, after the hint I gave you.
Lord Strath. It didn't occur to me that you were trying to kick tact into me. And, naturally, when I saw your Uncle about to smoke——
Mr. Tid. That was different, as you might have known. Why, one cigar is as much as my wife can stand!
Lord Strath. You—er—wouldn't wish her to smoke more than one, surely?
Mr. Tid. (outraged). My wife smoke! Never did such a thing in her life! She don't allow me to smoke. She wouldn't allow Mr. Gilwattle if he wasn't her Uncle. And I can tell you, when she comes down in the morning, and finds the curtains smelling of smoke, and hears you were the other, I shall catch it!
Lord Strath. Sorry for you—but if you had only made your kick a trifle more explanatory——
Mr. Tid. That's not all, Sir. When you saw me and my Uncle engaged in talking business, what did you cut in for with a cock-and-bull story about the Boxing Kangaroo being formed into a Limited Company, and say the Kangaroo was going to join the Board after allotment? You couldn't really believe the beast was eligible as a Director—an animal, Sir!
Lord Strath. Why not? They have guinea-pigs on the Board occasionally, don't they? But of course it was only a joke.
Mr. Tid. You weren't asked to make jokes. My Uncle doesn't understand 'em—no more do I, Sir!
Lord Strath. No, I gathered that. (Breaking out.) Confound it all, Sir, what do you mean by this? If you didn't want me, why couldn't you tell me so? You knew it before I did! I don't understand your peculiar ideas of hospitality. I've kept my temper as long as I could; but, dash it all, if you force me to speak out, I will!
Mr. Tid. (alarmed). No, no, I—I meant no offence—you won't go and let everything out now! It was a mistake, that's all—and there's no harm done. You got your dinner all right, didn't you? By the way, talking of that, can you give me any idea what they'll charge me for this, eh? What's the regular thing now?
Lord Strath. (to himself). Extraordinary little bounder—wants me to price his dinner for him! (Aloud.) Couldn't give a guess!
Mr. Tid. Well, considering I sent round and all that, I think they ought to make some reduction—y'know. But you've nothing to do with that, eh? I'm to settle up with Blankley's?
Lord Strath. I should say he would prefer your doing so—but it's really no business of mine, and—er—it's getting rather late——
Mr. Tid. (opening the door). There, we'll go up. And look here, do try and be a bit stiffer with my Uncle. It's too bad the way he goes on my-lording you, y'know. You shouldn't encourage him!
Lord Strath. I wasn't aware I did. (To himself.) Trying, this. But never mind, I shall see Marjory in another minute!
Mr. Tid. (to himself). The airs these chaps give themselves! Oh, lor, there's Uncle Gabriel hooking on to him again. If he only knew! [He follows them upstairs uneasily.
Scene X.—In the Drawing-room; Gwendolen is still whispering in Mrs. Gilwattle's ear.
Mrs. Gilw. Eh? You're tickling my ear, child—don't come so close. Louder. Yes, go on. "Sat next to him at dinner?" Well, what about him?... What?... What's the child talking about now?... "A gentleman out of Blankley's shop"!! "Hired for the evening"!!! Let her alone, Maria, I know who's telling the truth! So this is your precious Nobleman, is it? Oh, the deceit of it all!
[The door opens, and Uncle Gabriel enters, clinging affectionately to Lord Strathsporran's arm.
Uncle Gab. And when I take a fancy to a young fellow, my Lord, I don't allow any social prejudices to stand in the way. I should say just the same if you were a mere nobody. We ought to see more of one another. I should esteem it a distinguished favour if you'd honour me and my wife by dropping in to a little dinner some evening; no ceremony; just a few quiet pleasant people like ourselves. We'll see if we can't fix a day with my wife.
[He steers him across to Mrs. Gilwattle.
Lord Strath. (to himself). Now, how the deuce am I going to get out of this? And what have they done with Marjory?
Uncle Gab. Joanna, my love, I've been telling his Lordship here how delighted and honoured we should be to see him at dinner some——
[Mrs. Gilwattle rises slowly, bristling with indignation, and glares speechlessly at the unconscious Lord Strathsporran, while Mrs. Tidmarsh vainly attempts to appease her, as her husband and the other men enter. Tableau.
End of Scene X.