"A SAIL! A SAIL!"
(Extracts from a New (Parliamentary) Version of "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner.")
An Ancient Mariner meeteth a sorely-pressed M.P. hurrying to a Division, and stoppeth him.]
It is an Ancient Mariner,
And he stoppeth an M.P.
"By thy scant white hair and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp'st thou me?
"The lobby doors are open wide,
And if I don't get in,
But give the slip to our stern Whip,
Just won't there be a din!"
He holds him with his skinny hand.
"There was a Ship!" quoth he.
The Member pressed he beat his breast,
Suppressing a big, big D!
The sorely-pressed M.P. is spell-bound by the eye of the Grand Old Seafaring Man, and constrained to hear his tale.]
He holds him with his glittering eye;
The Member pressed stands still.
And listens, though exceeding wild—
The Mariner hath his will.
The Member pressed sits on a post,
He cannot choose but hear;
And thus speaks out that Grand Old Man,
The bright-eyed Mariner—
The Mariner tells how the good ship H.M. Government sailed for Ireland with a good wind and fair weather till she reached a certain Line.]
The Ship was cheered, the harbour cleared,
Merrily did we drop,
Laden with many a blessed Bill
From kelson to orlop,
The Sun of hope had left the left,
Out in the cold they be.
But it shone bright on the (Speaker's) right
When we put forth to sea.
Where the Ship is driven by a storm (of Opposition) toward the Poll.]
And now the Storm-blast came, and he
Was tyrannous and strong.
He struck with his opposing wings,
And set our course all wrong.
With sloping masts and dipping prow,
As who pursued with yell and blow
Still treads the coat-tail of his foe
And feeleth for his head,
The Ship drove fast, loud roared the blast,
And Winterward we fled.
Till a great lolloping, hindering, inopportune sea-bird, called the Albatross, came through the snow-fog, and was received with great joy and hospitality—by our opponents.
And lo! the Albatross proveth a bird of ill-omen, impeding the progress of the Ship in most aggravating fashion.]
At length did cross an Albatross:
Through fog and frost it came;
A noisy, rude, Obstructive bird;
Devoid of sense or shame.
Day after day it blocked our way,
As round and round it flew.
In spite of it, by patient wit,
Our helmsman steered us through.
When a fair wind sprang up behind,
The Albatross did follow,
And every day hindered our way,
Despite the Mariner's hollo!
In mist or cloud it strove to shroud
Our course athwart the brine,
Night after night it led to fight,
And kicking up of shine.
The Ancient Mariner incontinently killeth the bird of ill-omen.]
"God help thee, Ancient Mariner!
From the fiends that plague thee thus!
What did'st thou do?" With my closure-bow
I shot the Albatross!!!
When the fog cleared his shipmates justified the same, and thus make themselves accomplices therein.]
Now round and red, like a Scotchman's head,
The glorious Sun uprist:
Then all averred I had killed the bird
That brought the fog and mist.
'Twas right, said they, such birds to slay
That brought the fog and mist.
The fair breeze continues; the Ship enters the Sea of Silence by the Straits of Gag.]
The fair breeze blew, the gag-saved crew,
Were from Obstruction free;
We were the first that ever burst
Into that silent sea!
